Joke of the Day (700 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.16 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kgbpasha (View user info) at 2004-03-19 18:01:33 EST
Today I decided to take a different route home from work. It might have been influenced
by a song on the radio that kept telling me to "take the long way home..."
As I was driving down an unfamiliar street something very beatiful caught me eye. Could it
be? Yes it could. There it was in some guys driveway...a Harley Davidson Softail Springer
with a "For Sale" sign on it. I know that I cannot afford it but I decided to humor myself
and I flipped a bitch, put my shit in park, and no sooner did I start admiring this beauty
when the owner waltzes out of the garage.
When I say waltz, I mean waltz. I think he was German.
"So you like zee bike yes?" he says to me.
"Fuck yeah I like the bike. I've always wanted one of these but could never afford it."
I say back to him.
He continues to look me over with nowhere near the amount of excitement that I'm using in
looking over the classic ride. Midnight blue pearl? Chrome everything with a 1340 engine,
braided lines, this is an obviouse top notch dream. I'm feeling a bit of a hard-on taking
hold. There's no pricetag on the sign so I'm dreading the answer to my next question.
"So, how much you want for 'er?" I ask and start to calculate all the zero's that are about
to spew from this German's mouth.
"$200" he replies matter of factly.
I nearly choke.
"For a second there I thought you said $200," I say back to him and start to chuckle.
"Yes, $200" He says again.
Holy shit! I must be dreaming. I happen to have $200 dollars on me. I'm sketchy towards
his quick replies.
"Okay, so what's wrong with it? I'm going to get about 2 blocks before the engine blows
up and the wheels fall off right?" fully expecting the answer to be similar to the question.
"Vell, zer ees vun little quirk eet has." Okay here we go.
"Ven eet rains eet doesn't run so vell. But I've found zee solution. I take thees jar
of vaseline and rub all on zee fuel tank before vauter gets all vet. Then motorbike run
very ekszellent." He's got to be kidding. But for $200 I'm not going to question this man
any longer.
I purchase this dream on the spot. Being the nice guy he is, he throws in a full jar of
vaseline. I am so "stoked" as young people are want to say these days. I park my piece
of shit Ford Probe across the street in a lot and decide that I'm riding this baby home.
I pitch the "For Sale" into a neighboring lawn as I race away. Fuck this is too awesome.
My new girlfriend lives in this neighborhood, I think to myself, I've gotta show her this
badass bike.
I get to my girls house and she hears me as I pull up.
"Hey baby, check it out!" I yell to her as she greets me with a smile at her door. She
says something like, "Awesome" and that's good enough for me. I'm still feeling like I'm
in a dream.
She invites me in to meet her parents. She still lives at home. They're having dinner and
I'm invited. Oh well, I've got a badass bike so nothing's going to ruin this day. I accept
her offer and in a good mood enter the house. I'm greeted by her 17 year old sister. Nice
rack, man they never made chicks like this when I was a teenager. I of course don't say this,
but I think it. Her parents seem nice enough. I tell my girlfriend that I'm going to wash
up for dinner, my hands are a little sweaty from the intense ride.
I'm led into the bathroom and what I find there shocks me. Dishes. Dishes from the floor to
the ceiling. There are a ton of dirty dishes stacked in the bathroom. WTF? I wash my hands
and meet my girlfreind in the hallway. I notice in an adjoining room the same phenomenon.
There are literally tons of dirty dishes piled up all over this house.
"Hey what's up with all the...dishes?" I ask my girl.
"Well," she says,"My family has this game we play during dinner. The first one to talk has to
do all the dishes and as you can see, we take this game very seriously."
A little fucking weird, but I could care less at the moment, I'll play their stupid game as
long as I'm getting a meal out of it. Dinner gets served and immediately everyone stops
talking. All conversations are halted and all you hear is the scraping of knives and forks.
Steak, mashed potatoes, peas, biscuits, damn all this food is alright with me and I'm not
even that hungry. I start to think about my new bike and my hard-on comes back. I look over
at my girlfriend and an idea is taking shape in my head. I stand up from the table, pick up
my babe out of her chair, bend her over the table, lift her skirt pull aside her g-string and
start fucking the hell out of her.
No one at the table says a thing. I bust my load on her ass and sit back down to some steak.
This is a kick ass day. This will be the best day ever. It could only get better if...I
stand up again, grab my girlfriends 17 year old sister up out of her chair...lift her
cheerleader skirt up and fuck away on her. She isn't wearing any panties...hehe. She's still
nice and tight so it's not long and I've dropped another load.
No one has said a word. This game isn't so bad, I think to myself. This day couldn't
possibly get any better. I own a badass Harley-Davidson Softail, I've just fucked my
girlfriend and her sister and I'm having some of the best mashed potatoes my tongue has
ever tasted in its life. The only thing that could make this day better is...you guessed it.
Two minutes later I sit back down. The mom didn't say a word as I was doing her in...you
guessed it again, the 'pooper'. The dad looked like he might have been holding his fork
a little tighter than usual, but not a peep came out of his mouth. The sisters concentrated
on their peas.
This is the most perfect day of all time. This dinner is alright, my nuts are fully drained,
my bike is...hey what's that hitting against the dining room window? Water droplets? It's
raining...oh shit, my bike! I pull the vaseline out of my pocket. Just then, the Dad stands
up and says, "Fuck it! I'll do the dishes."
User Reviews
Submitted by cat_head (user info) at 2004-03-25 07:11:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant.
The people who say this is too long to read: you have a problem.
Submitted by surge <foo.at.bar.com> at 2004-03-25 06:58:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
*Yawn* heard it before a million times.
And most of those were much better in that they didnt
make me think the teller was some kind of yankee-hick
wanker that gets a hard-on when he thinks about
a motorcycle.
Its sickening really.
Submitted by Confusion (user info) at 2004-03-20 04:18:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I read all of it and I think it was great.
....who am i kidding, I didn't read this shit.
Fuck you.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-03-20 03:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wouldn't bother reading something this long either,
it's a fuckin' miracle I managed to type th fuckin' thing out.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-03-19 22:02:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF Im NOT reading all of that shit
Submitted by MrB (user info) at 2004-03-19 19:12:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haven't read it yet, loved it ;-)
Submitted by moose74 (user info) at 2004-03-19 19:11:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
This is too long to be funny.
Submitted by danifestmestiny (user info) at 2004-03-19 19:00:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This looks too long to be funny.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-03-19 18:12:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I never claimed this joke was mein! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Submitted by MadScientist (user info) at 2004-03-19 18:08:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 Because I read this last month in Maxim/GQ/Stuff/FHM/Etc. It sucks that you put the german accent with it. Then, you adopted the joke as if it happened to you. Shame.