One Night Stands (790 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.64 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Your Supremebeing (View user info) at 2004-03-20 22:04:18 EST
I have got to get this off my chest. It's something that has been bothering me for about a month or so.
One night I went to this bar with some friends. Everything was cool. We were drinking and dancing with some women that we met there. They were nice and NOT to bad to look at. So we pretty much hung out with them the whole night.
I was hangin with this Girl name Jill. Now she was REALLY kind of hot. She was about 5'6" brown shoulder length hair with reddish highlights and green eyes that you could melt in. She was wearing a black VERY short mini-skirt and a black top that made it VERY clear that she had it going on upstairs. (At least below the neck)
The drinks kept coming and we kept dancing and really had a GREAT TIME. Like I said she was REALLY nice and was kind of flirting a little with the little brushes against my back with her chest and the cute little giggles and so on.
So about 12:30ish my friend that was driving us all. Of course our designated driver decides that he's not having a good time and decides to leave early. The girl I was with said that she'd drive me home later. I was cool with that since she was really NOT drinking all that much and I was.
To make a long story short about 2am the bar closes and I was REALLY ripped. I remember walking out the door and getting into the car and that was about it.
I woke up the next morning not knowing where I was and I was face to face with this BIG pink alarm clock that was sitting on the night stand. After a couple of seconds I started to remember the night before and thought HEYYYY COOLLL I must of HIT THAT ASS last night!!!
Then I felt it move! Smiling I rolled over and put my arm around her. She moaned softly and turned to face me. OMG!!! I almost screamed! IT couldn't BE! Could it? The girl I was with that night was wearing A bit of makeup but DAMN does makeup REALLY cover up that much?
She looked about 40ish but I swear it didn't seem that way that night and when I first met her I only had a couple of drinks. This woman had wrinkles on her face which got me thinking where else she had wrinkles?
She kissed me on the check and said good morning and then those dreaded words that let me know it was REALLY true, "You were an animal last night"! OMG I DID IT! I REALLY DID IT! But I don't remember it! She then said "I'm still a little tired so I'm going to sleep for a while longer. If you want you can get something to eat out of the fridge."
I laid there for what seemed like hours hoping that she would fall asleep fast so that I could make my getaway. Then she started to snore. THAT was my cue to get the hell out FAST! So I slowly slid as quietly as I could out of the covers and on to the floor. Grabbing my clothes and tip-toeing to the front Door.
As I opened the door I realized SHIT I didn't drive here! So I decided it would be better to walk the 6-8 miles rather then to wake up the beast for a ride home. I didn't want to make up some excuse that I did not have a phone of something so that I didn't have to give out my number. OR did I already? SHIT!
While walking home I looked into a few store front windows showing my reflection. I had the worst sex hair in the world which made me feel that much worse. YUCKKKKKKK! I finally got home and RAN to the shower with the comet and the steal wool. GOT TO GET CLEAN! GOT TO GET CLEAN!!! Kept running through my head and I scrubbed a couple of layers of skin off!
Its been a couple of weeks now and she never called and I have NOT gone to that bar since. I haven't told my friends yet because knowing those F%^^ers they knew all along what she really looked like! The bastards!
User Reviews
Submitted by rubixxcube (user info) at 2004-03-22 14:13:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it, yeah maybe your writing could use a broader vocabulary, but shit this is uber not a pullitzer prize contest. I still found it funny... because it didn't happen to me
Rubixx
Submitted by Supremebeing (user info) at 2004-03-22 05:02:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-03-21 21:39:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck I would give you minus two just for your username.
Boring
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Like your username is the bomb of all usernames? ROFL Besides I don't care about ratings at all. If you don't like the story then Great minus 2 it or whatever and move on. LOLOLOLOL I know I'm not the best writer by any stretch of the imagination but I do enjoy the comments and I like to write sometimes. Plus once in a while I do find a story here that is funny or interesting. So whatever man (smile)
Submitted by IndianOcean (user info) at 2004-03-22 04:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHHAHAHA.. jesus chirst.. i am almost fall of my chair... that's veryfunny.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-03-21 21:58:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I love Übersite, but I am not going to retire for 40 days. And the fact that you laugh because the SAT is hard makes me think you an asshat. This shit turns me on. Have you heard that new Petey Pablo shit? KoolMang - I want that shit. We pretended to look at Spongebob Squarepants shirts or other such bullshit while I stored one up. Finally, the moment of climax arrived and I let loose of the greasiest, smelliest, loudest fart in my life.
Created with http://ubertoys.servebeer.com:3600/ polypost thingy
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-03-21 21:45:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I've SEEN better !
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-03-21 21:39:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck I would give you minus two just for your username.
Boring
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-03-21 06:44:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
"To make a long story short"
You didn't make it short enough. The story wasn't funny. It's been done a million times and most of those had a punchline, rather than 'and then I went home'. Also, your writing style could use some work. So could your grammar. It's 'must HAVE hit that ass', not 'must OF'.
Submitted by Jocko_Johnson (user info) at 2004-03-21 04:00:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
meh...
Submitted by backsagainstthewall (user info) at 2004-03-21 03:08:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Point Blank: Esoteric and uniteresting.
Submitted by Zeccs (user info) at 2004-03-20 23:02:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This post was VERY bed. I mean it REALLY wasn't that good at all. You should NOT post anything else, because you're a REALLY bad writer, and you accentuate your writing in a VERY bad way, as well as having a REALLY limited vocabulary, which makes your stories REALLY boring.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-03-20 22:59:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good story but you handled it all wrong--when you woke up you should have rolled her over and ate her ass for all its worth...take it from me, a real player.
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2004-03-20 22:48:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Here's a thought: Stop having sleeping around.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-03-20 22:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by arcane (user info) at 2004-03-20 22:23:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I had the worst sex hair in the world which made me feel that much worse. "
It makes me feel so bad that i can relate to that line.
Submitted by canuckistan (user info) at 2004-03-20 22:12:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Well at least your dick hasn't fallen off.
Yet ??
Submitted by bravo_foxtrot (user info) at 2004-03-20 22:08:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Three in one day, don't hurt yourself.