The 11th Time I Came in My Wife's Mouth (13546 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.54 on 68 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by riley (View user info) at 2004-03-23 16:28:02 EST
For some reason I seem to have memories of getting blow jobs from my wife a lot while we were dating. She has told me on several occasions that I am mistaken. I would have never committed myself for life to a woman who does not enjoy giving as much as I enjoy receiving. I think I may have been tricked.
There is just something about being able to lay back and watch a beautiful woman go at it. My favorite part of a woman's body is her face, always has been. I love it when my wife really gets into it. I have discovered that sixty-ninin' is the best way for me to get the most from a blow job. This is usually the only way to get my wife to actually want to give me head. Normally, she'll sigh a lot, she'll stop to remove lint that isn't there, she'll ruin the experience.
My favorite thing is cumming in her mouth. She doesn't seem to think it's so great. I don't care if she spits or swallows. I explain to her that it feels so good, that it is the best feeling. She doesn't care. I try to explain to her that it makes no sense to pull my dick out of her mouth when it is the mouth that brought me to climax. I also explain to her that I lust for every square inch of her body, why doesn't she lust for mine like that. If she really loved me, she would want to show me in any way I wanted. Again, she strongly disagrees.
We have been together for seven years, and in those seven years I have counted 11 occasions when she has let me blow my load in her mouth. The first is when we were dating. We were parked on a dark road, and she was up to "trying it". She gagged out of the car door, I should have taken that as a sign. I am fully certain it has been 11 times. I cannot remember any of the times in the middle except for two. Once just before I left for basic, I thought she handled it like a pro. Once again, just nine weeks later at the graduation ceremony at Ft. Benning, in the motel bathroom.
Let's jump to the 11th time. A few months ago, I devised a plan. My wife doesn't like to drink, but after going to the bar with a couple of her friends from work, she told me she discovered a new drink, and liked it. It's made with beer and five, yes five, shots of alcohol. 21 dollars later, I had the drunk bitch of my dreams in my bedroom. Some of you may already know this, but getting a wife drunk is like a delicate recipe. If she isn't drunk enough, she'll be mad for days. If she's too drunk, she'll pass out and be useless. I think I had the right mix.
I put it in her face and tested the waters. My idea for testing her drunkenness was to slowly slide my cock down her throat until she started to gag. I got it deeper than she normally takes it which means I have my window. Another benefit of drunk blow jobs is sloppiness. I love it that way. Things were going so good. The right amount of teeth, deep, warm, and she still looked hot from getting all dressed up earlier. All these details came to my mind at once, and made me lose it. Here it comes (cums).
I had jacked off a few times earlier that day, so it shouldn't have been too much. I was about three quarters of the way done, but then she pulled me out and jumped to her feet. She didn't say anything because you could tell she was concentrating on keeping her balance. After a few seconds, she wobbled to the bathroom. I heard no words, only spitting. It must have been perfect timing, because she had to pee. She did her business and was back in the bedroom after about three or four minutes. When she walked in the room, she looked at me and said softly in a sexy slurred voice, "I know what you did".
The next morning we woke up together and nothing was said. I took a shower, shaved, and got dressed. The perfect crime. I sat down for breakfast and she sat down too. I asked how she was feeling, she said she was fine. Just as I was feeling that I was in the clear.....
"Did we have sex last night?" she asked.
I tried to look like I couldn't remember and then said, "I don't know"
She got that squinty eyed, I'm thinking look. "So you did not cum in my mouth?"
"No, honey" I rubbed her leg to offer reassurance.
The same squinty look, this time I could tell it was less about thinking and more about anger, then she says "Really, then what's this?"
She reached for me and I started looking all over the place for photos, stains, or anything incriminating. And then I saw it.
Written on her arm, in sloppy blue ink, the words "he came in your mouth".
Busted. I'll be taking the pens and notebooks out of the bathroom.
User Reviews
Submitted by spcrtp (user info) at 2005-04-06 22:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i need more hits
Submitted by spcrtp (user info) at 2005-03-28 18:12:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
hell yeah
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2005-03-26 13:15:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2005-03-26 12:56:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-03-26 12:56:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This rocks.
I shall keep a pen on me from now on if such an event ever arises.
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2005-03-26 12:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2005-03-26 12:05:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Was this written by manicmother's husband?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2005-03-26 11:41:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a conglomerate of awesomeness and magnificence.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2005-03-26 11:00:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahahahahha... kickass.
Submitted by spcrtp (user info) at 2005-03-26 10:41:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ashlee, if you are what you say you are, any man would love it.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2005-03-24 16:09:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep, definitely wish I hadn't shared that with the world.
Strider - what's your problem, kid? And why, exactly, is what I said worthy of that particular comment? "Oooh, she knows a trick to make oral sex more pleasurable!" Like that's a bad thing? It's not like I offered to demonstrate for anyone.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2005-03-24 16:03:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
naw, mate, you just gotta smack her around till she knows you're boss then she'll do what she's told. Pussy.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2005-03-24 15:49:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit you're not supposed to give head if you're sober??
Dammit! I miss all the important memos.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2005-03-24 15:33:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i found a nauseating "throatfuck" porn site just this morning. how strange this should pop up a few hours later.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-03-24 15:32:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That's one way to do it.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-24 15:32:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
iot's an acquired taste
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2005-03-24 15:30:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAAHHHHHH good one.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2005-03-24 15:15:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-03-25 00:05:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Tell her my little trick. First, learn to deepthroat. If she just can't do it, the trick might still work, if not as well. When my guy is about to come, he lets me know, and I just pound the whole thing down my throat. That way, he gets the great feeling from swallowing, and I don't have to taste it.
Wow. I'm starting to wish I hadn't just shared that with the world.
====================
Is anybody surprised by this?
Submitted by spcrtp (user info) at 2005-03-24 10:54:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm glad you all like it. I wrote it a year ago and now it is getting a bunch of hits since I emailed it to a friend. I think he posted it somewhere else.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-03-24 09:35:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I've had the "getting your wife drunk" thing done to me. I'll be sure to keep a pen with me at all times.
Submitted by ardubs (user info) at 2005-03-24 09:21:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by IBME69 (user info) at 2005-03-24 09:14:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OK,I'll give it to ya,it was entertaining.
Submitted by spcrtp (user info) at 2005-03-24 09:11:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by spcrtp (user info) at 2005-03-24 08:56:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/28338
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2005-03-24 08:52:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"but getting a wife drunk is like a delicate recipe. "
HaHa
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-03-24 08:52:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was going to get a -1 until the punchline.
"He came in your mouth"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by jack0173 (user info) at 2005-03-24 08:51:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gold.
Submitted by spcrtp (user info) at 2005-03-24 08:33:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am hillarious.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-04-11 03:31:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Tell her my little trick. First, learn to deepthroat. If she just can't do it, the trick might still work, if not as well. When my guy is about to come, he lets me know, and I just pound the whole thing down my throat. That way, he gets the great feeling from swallowing, and I don't have to taste it."
********
Its true, i shove it down her throat and it comes out of her ass, thats called Orally Anal.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-04-09 10:55:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha.
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-03-28 13:47:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"Tell her my little trick. First, learn to deepthroat. If she just can't do it, the trick might still work, if not as well. When my guy is about to come, he lets me know, and I just pound the whole thing down my throat. That way, he gets the great feeling from swallowing, and I don't have to taste it."
Holy shit.
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-03-28 13:30:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe she wrote it on her arm.
I'm sorry your wife doesn't treat you right.
I don't have that problem.
Thank you, and goodnight.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-03-25 00:26:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Booooo!
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-03-25 00:20:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ashlee totally swallows. awesome.
+2
-BongZilla
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-03-25 00:05:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-03-23 17:06:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-03-23 16:57:26 (#)
Ranking: 1
Its date rape and Memento.
-----
I'm glad to know I'm the only one who didn't think of Memento.
I thought of Memento too. God that was a kickass movie.
Tell her my little trick. First, learn to deepthroat. If she just can't do it, the trick might still work, if not as well. When my guy is about to come, he lets me know, and I just pound the whole thing down my throat. That way, he gets the great feeling from swallowing, and I don't have to taste it.
Wow. I'm starting to wish I hadn't just shared that with the world.
Submitted by spcrtp (user info) at 2004-03-24 23:42:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for the support.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-03-24 10:01:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was quite amusing. The next you get her drunk and blow a load in he mouth, write all sorts of obscene things all over her body like - "he came in your mouth", "he stuck in your pooper", shit like that. It will really fuck her up.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-03-24 10:01:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought it was quite amusing. The next you get her drunk and blow a load in mouth, write all sorts of obscene things all over her body like - "he came in your mouth", "he stuck in your pooper", shit like that. It will really fuck her up.
Submitted by Bryan (user info) at 2004-03-24 09:25:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
gg
Submitted by Ash <shesgotgreyeyes.at.cogeco.ca> at 2004-03-24 04:20:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was just fucking brilliant. I'm torn between feeling really sorry for anyone who isn't sexually satisfied, and thinking your wife is so fucking kickass for writing that to herself. +2 for you.
-Ash
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2004-03-24 03:54:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuckin' loser.
How can you abuse your w omanlike that?
What I'd like to know is, after being "busted," what happened?
Maybe I just don't understand because my girlfriend swallows.
Submitted by BonesForBucks (user info) at 2004-03-24 02:27:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Loved it. Very Memento-esque.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-03-24 01:49:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahh ... I remember the 1st time I came in your wife's mouth...
er uhm... what?
-Turtle
Submitted by Dazd1 (user info) at 2004-03-24 01:33:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ROFL Ohh that was pricless! I feel for ya. My wife is one of those that doesnt drink so when she does it takes about 1/2 a beer and she ready and willing. Just have to be carefull though or we will end up doing it in the middle of the parking lot. ( not in the car ) In the parking lot LOL.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-03-24 01:17:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
have another plus2, i like this sort of thing very much
Submitted by arcane (user info) at 2004-03-24 01:03:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor guy. Im no mariage councelor but i dont think cumming in your wifes drunk face causes feelings of "we" or "together"
Submitted by AnnabelLee (user info) at 2004-03-23 21:16:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your wife is a silly lady.
Submitted by MisterCeltic (user info) at 2004-03-23 21:16:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's hopin' you get a shot at 12.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-03-23 20:43:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am sure your wife is happy that you posted this all over the internet.
Submitted by fingerbang (user info) at 2004-03-23 20:35:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome story but sucks to be you, I blew it in my gfriends mouth 2 just last night, she swallowed too. Good birthday present
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-03-23 20:18:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha nice.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-03-23 19:30:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good story...
the squinty eyes is the worst... I hated teh squinty eyes.
My ex Nikki was a Squint master, however if the squinty eyes failed to properly chastise, out came the piercing shrill 3 octaves above her normal tone and 4 times as loud.
Queen Bee has the squint down, but not the voice, although she gets the punches going (she hits hard too)
-Turtle
Submitted by Jeriko2k3 (user info) at 2004-03-23 18:41:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good to see another brother from Ft. Benning on Uber. My ex-wife only let me do that 3 times. Once when we were dating, and twice after graduation from Ft. Benning.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-03-23 18:40:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2..what else could I give it?
Submitted by virgil (user info) at 2004-03-23 18:23:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"If she isn't drunk enough, she'll be mad for days. If she's too drunk, she'll pass out and be useless..."
cheers.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-03-23 18:16:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice story, what I want to know is where'd she hide the pen?
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-03-23 17:35:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-03-23 17:09:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This plus two is for Razor who was seated near firefly and therefore not allowed to give you one himself. :)
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-23 17:07:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You fucked your wife's face while he was passed out?
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-03-23 17:06:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-03-23 16:57:26 (#)
Ranking: 1
Its date rape and Memento.
-----
I'm glad to know I'm the only one who didn't think of Memento.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-03-23 16:59:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OHHHHH SNAPPP!!!!!
Classic
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-03-23 16:59:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-03-23 16:57:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Its date rape and Memento.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-03-23 16:55:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that would make a great tatoo.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-03-23 16:55:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-03-23 16:54:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you and your wife are really lame.
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-03-23 16:52:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-03-23 16:48:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahah
good times.