Excessive decadence may cause the following side effects... (531 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.18 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Beastie Girl (View user info) at 2004-03-24 15:20:19 EST
At the end of a long workday, I want nothing more than to relax, unwind, and forget about all of my responsibilities in the world. Some nights, "unwinding" consists of bar-hopping...some, it's dinner at a friend's house and cable television. Last night, however, all I wanted was a bubble bath, some wine, and to take my new vibrator out for a "spin".
I begin with a nice and fattening dinner: an all-meat carne asada burrito from the local and barely-legal taco stand. Lord knows how clean their kitchen is...then again, who cares with the flavorful and tenderness of the carne asada. I end my dinner with a glass of Merlot and a Twix bar. Quick, cheap...and trashy dinner. I was lovin' it. After cleaning up my coffee table (I dine like a true bachelorette), I break out the new Jack Rabbit. So new and exciting...titillating and almost...um, threatening. I admire the artful and intricate sexual device before setting it up next to my bed. I've got plans for you, Mister Rabbit...!
I start my hot bubble bath and pour another glass of wine. I set up my cheap glass ashtray, light a bunch of candles, and turn the TV up loud enough so I can listen to whichever "Simpsons" rerun is airing next. The warmth and comfort of hot bubbles surrounds me as I lower myself into the water. Aaaahhhh...instant relaxation! Once I get comfy, I leisurly sip my glass of wine and enjoy several cigarettes, and feel my of the world's problems fall away. The steam rising from the bath travels into me as I breathe it in, and the wine coats my insides warming each inch of my inside tract. Decadence.
But alas, my time in luxury must end. I start to drain the tub and get up to rinse off. The cooler water of the shower washes away the bubbles on me, and it starts to happen.
DIZZINESS...NAUSEA...THE SHOWER WALLS ARE SWAYING...AND IT'S GETTING DARKER...
AM I...BLACKING OUT?!
I grip onto the shower's rail as I struggle to hold myself up in the shower. Two glasses of wine couldn't have done this...I usually throw back 5 scotches with no problem. I feel faint, sick to my stomach...I struggle to dry off and step out into the cooler air of my apartment as I leave the bathroom, scanning the bedroom for some sort of clothing. I finally yank on some shorts and a t shirt, and collapse onto my bed. My still-soaking wet hair falls all over my face as I use my damp towel as a makeshift blanket.
My head throbbing, the room spinning, I open my eyes and look up, slowly catching the eye of Mr. Rabbit.
"Sorry...I'm not into doing drunk bitches..." I swear I hear him say to me in all of his rotating and vibrating glory.
I guess the moral of this story is that excessive decadence, or any semblance of such, is detrimental to your sex life.
User Reviews
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-03-24 21:18:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another plus two cause i am still laughing. Anyway at least you know Jack will be ready and waiting for you when you are ready for him.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-03-24 21:16:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was funny as all get out.
Screw the rest of them Beastie they don't know shit thinking they are so cool and pimp.
Unfortunately the mix of ingredients you put together there was defintely a recipe for fainting et al if you are not used to extreme changes in temperature. Also moving from an extended prone position in a heated tub to a vertical position with cool water in the shower is pretty radical if you are not ready for it.
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-03-24 17:03:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-03-24 15:44:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Normally a pic of vibrator and stuff should earn you some points... But, this was just straight -2 all the way.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-24 15:35:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It was probably brake fluid, RB
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-03-24 15:33:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hungry?
Sick?
Sweet?
Fresh?
-2'ed?
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-03-24 15:32:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meant to say two glass of probably CHEAP wine.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-03-24 15:31:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Twix bar
Single
Two glasses of probably wine
Taco for dinner
Watching simpsons while taking a bath
Smoker
Yep, your a fat redneck chick.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-03-24 15:26:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2. You had me at "vibrator"
Submitted by mcarstensen (user info) at 2004-03-24 15:23:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
started well then sucked
Submitted by Jocko_Johnson (user info) at 2004-03-24 15:21:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you.
If you ever want a real cock I'll fuck you good and proper baby