Bus Station (485 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.76 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Paul Heinrichs <heinrichs.10.at.osu.edu> (View user info) at 2004-03-24 17:21:24 EST
I am not going to describe the horrible ordeal one goes through when they ride a Greyhound bus. It is too gruesome and I am no Poe. However, I will tell you what happens when you get off the bus.
You will stroll to a seat and put your stuff down while you wait for your ride. Relaxed, you examine your surroundings. Noticing an Area-51 arcade game, you feel in your pockets for quarters. Once you have scrounged up 50 cents you will stroll over to the arcade game and proceed to enjoy yourself. Soon the evil forces of whatever will have overwhelmed your pistol sharpshooting skills, and you will turn around smiling.
Only to learn that evil doesn't give up that easily. For you will be approached by the boss of all evil. The liberalist democrat black woman in a nice dress on her way to a PTA meeting! Your attempts to evade the confrontation will be in vain, for she is a crafty one. When you put on those headphones to your new iPod she will not stop. Oh no. Nothing can stop evil of this magnitude.
She will procede to lecture you on something and you can only do one thing. I will simulate this encounter as I experienced it in order to help any who might be confronted as I was.
Me: Smiling at the lady, who approached me to fast to put on my headphones, I repocket my headphones and plaster a phony smile on my face.
Evil: "Were you just playing that game?"
Me: "Well, yea..." (What you're blind?)
Evil: "Why do you waste your time with such violent things?"
Me: "Uhm, bec- (I forgot you aren't supposed to answer questions.)
Evil: "You could be doing much more constructive things with your time. I am sure you are very intelligent and creative, why don't you read a boook? Or paint a picture?"
Me: (Glancing at the book I read on the way down.) "Well I just wanted to relieve some stress."
Evil: (Distraught) "You! That is not the way to relax young man! You could be doing a million better things with your time."
Me: (Like shooting you perhaps?) "Ma'am, the way I waste my time is mine to choose and I am offended that you think it is your responsibility to choose for me." (I put on my headphones and went back to studying ninjitsu, pointedly making sure she could see what I was reading.)
Next story: How to deal with your roomates when they utilize flaws in XP networking to access your computer and change your passwords.
User Reviews
Submitted by OutLaw (user info) at 2004-03-25 01:57:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a true story... that is how it ended... Sorry I guess?
Submitted by Supremebeing (user info) at 2004-03-24 23:40:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Maybe its me but just as I was startng to get interested in this it dies. Wheres the rest of this story??!!
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-03-24 19:41:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you should have said that you have to go kill some puppies.
Submitted by esso_merda (user info) at 2004-03-24 19:25:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
A little choppy in the writing, but this is a story to which I can relate. I may write a post about riding the bus itself. That is hell. Pure hell.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-03-24 19:16:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Big Seven Oh!
Oh..
oh..no.
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-03-24 18:39:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
User 7000 gets an honorary +2.
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-03-24 18:29:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I concur, Hair.
Great job, Paul. By all accounts, much better than the majority of ill-begotten posts we've seen pass this way lately. And a great way to start your "career" here. Didn't mention anything about it being your first post once. Granted, it works for some, but generally, those who say it's their first post don't have much else to say.
All that to say, again, yayhoo for you.
Welcome to Ubersite.
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-03-24 18:11:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think Paul has done a great job on his first post.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-03-24 17:50:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think when the 10000th user signs up that Bart should make him an honorary most heated author
Submitted by OutLaw (user info) at 2004-03-24 17:43:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Gee... thanks. If it helps, yes I do go to Ohio State, but I am joining the Army this summer. I'll be a 91W, or a Health Care Specialist. So I won't be there long.
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2004-03-24 17:42:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no, it's sho' 'nuff ohio state. ah well.
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2004-03-24 17:40:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
true. I've already given to not razzing this guy up. I could have been meaner though, and said "Look on the bright side, when you graduate from OSU you'll be driving one of those big shiny buses"
But I didn't say it. Oh wait...
Anyways, here's a +1 for your effort.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-03-24 17:40:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Could be Oregon State, or Oklahoma, or one of the other O's out there. It could be Ohio State though, so my Michigander instincts are telling me to go with the -2.
FUCK! I'm torn!!
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-03-24 17:35:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good. I hate the buckeyes also but if we lose a good poster compared to all the other new ones simply because of unwarranted fan angst it will be a tragedy.
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2004-03-24 17:32:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wow. you are lucky number seven...thousand.
Story: 0
Number 7K: 1
OSU: -2
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Result: -2 (I'm using buckeye math)