All Those Little Anomalies..... (594 hits)
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Submitted by Phoenix <volklcess.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-03-25 14:28:09 EST
It seems obvious from the way this day has started that it's going to be one of "those" days. You know the kind I'm talking about - not good, not bad, just one of those days where you start to question the sanity of humanity.
I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning, wide awake, and I could not, for the life of me, fall back asleep, so I opted for glancing up into a dark void, knowing that somewhere up there in that darkness was my ceiling and this could qualify as staring at it. Endlessly the morning minutes ticked by; I listened to my dog snoring, my cat purring at the foot of the bed, somehow taking up the majority of my soft cloud-like down comforter. Slowly my eyes started to adjust to the early morning light that had begun to cast an eerie blue glow throughout the room and I rolled over in search of my boyfriend and found nothing but....feet? I sat up to see my boyfriend's head nestled by my feet and his feet resting comfortably on the pillows where typically a head should go. I sleep in the same position - left side, stretched out luxuriously, legs slightly bent, spooning my pillow - and I don't move for the entire duration of the night. I always wake up in the same position I fall asleep in, so it sparks my curiosity to know why it is that some people toss and turn so much that they end up making a complete 180, head where feet should be and vice versa. The subconscious works in mysterious ways.
Around 6:20 I finally decided I'd had enough of laying in bed, pulled on my sweats, and hobbled out to the living room to have my morning cigarette, the last one in the pack. As I inhaled deeply the disgustingly sweet tar and nicotine that will one day lead to my demise, my roommate's alarm began to beep incessantly. For some God unknown reason, he always sleeps with his door open and that monotonous beep can be heard echoing through the house at the same time every morning. Then he'll snooze, and 9 minutes later our small home will once again be filled with the melodic sound of "EH EH EH EH EH." Today, however, my roommate doesn't press snooze. He actually gets up, and I can hear his dumb ass plodding heavily down the hallway toward the bathroom. I jump into my "defense mode," thinking that once again, despite my constant requests for him to not take one before I do (he doesn't have class till 10, I have to be at work at 8), he's going to take a shower and use up all the hot water, a task that isn't difficult with our small, electric water heater.
"Joe," I snapped, catching his attention before he disappeared into the repulsive abyss of his bathroom. "Don't take a shower, please. I need hot water."
"Okay, I wasn't going to," he replied in that slightly retarded-sounding drone of his. Just in case, I finished cigarette at hyper-speed and made a dash toward my bathroom in attempt to beat him to hot water, which is an absolute necessity for me.
He doesn't take a shower, but instead decides to throw in a load of laundry at 6:40 in the morning. Some people just don't learn - dishwasher, shower, washing machine: they all use hot water and they all ruin my morning shower. I miss living alone.
On my way to work, I make a stop off at 7-Eleven to pick up a pack of cigarettes having smoked my last one as a pick-me-up this morning. Behind the counter there's one thing of the "Camel Lights Special 2 Pack Price" left. I've never been picky about my brands, and hey, a deal is a deal and cigarettes are damn expensive. They charge you an arm and a leg to give yourself lung cancer. Go figure. The lady behind the counter is blah-blah-blahing my ear off about utter nonsense; she's seems a little sketchy, obviously just ending the graveyard shift at our neighborhood 7-Eleven. I'm trying to be courteous; 'just smile and nod and we'll get out of here as fast as we can,' I'm thinking to myself when I hear a gasp from Nut Case Cashier.
"No," she says under her breath. She's staring wide-eyed at the cash register like she's seeing visions of the Four Horsemen and the Apocalypse. The total cost, after taxes, of my Camel Lights at the special "two pack price" is $6.66. I'm not superstitious. 666 is just another number, as is 13. I have never thought of it as having any relativity to the devil. It's the number that comes after 665 and before 667, but apparently our friend, Ms. Out-of-her-Fucking-Mind has a problem with this number and leaps out from behind the counter insisting that I *have* to buy something else to change the total.
"You know, I really don't want anything else. This number doesn't bother me; can I please just buy my cigarettes so I can get to work?"
"No," she's basically yelling at me now, and I wait impatiently for her head to start spinning 360s around her neck. "No! I can't let you have that total. It's baaaad." Okay, you fucking nut....She grabs a single mini Reese's cup, tosses a dime from her pocket onto the counter, and changes the total on the register to $6.76. Finally she's content to let me pay for my damn cigarettes, and leave the temporary imprisonment of that store.
I wonder what other tiny little anomalies will occur today. I've seen people do almost everything hygiene-related in their cars during their morning commute to their jobs: shaving, applying make-up, etc. but this was a new one to me. After I left the 7-Eleven to make the final trek to my office, the lady in the car behind me was brushing her teeth. What's she going to wash her mouth out with? Ew. But I must give her some kudos because it appears to be much easier (and perhaps a little safer) to brush your teeth in your car than to, oh say, apply mascara or lipstick.
A little unrelated, but I gotta through it in to show some school/hometown pride, and regardless of whether or not they win, I'm still going to get trashed at a sports bar tomorrow and back the Pack!
YEAH! GO UNR! (see now, me cheering for UNR is, in itself, an anomaly, but Nevada never gets any recognition so I hope we rock March Madness...as it's also an anomaly that we made it to the sweet sixteen. :::sigh:::)
User Reviews
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-03-27 18:45:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
haha UNR got SMOKED!
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-03-26 11:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MIll8178 - I think I'm heading out to the Bully's in Meadowood to watch the game. They have a big shin dig going on with Budweiser and the radio station I used to work for, so I figure I'll drag my friends along while I get wasted with my old co-workers and perhaps win some worthwhile trinkets.
:-)
phoenix
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-03-26 00:05:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hahahah I dig the check out chick. That would have been so funny!
Why don't you just arsehole your roomy and get another one that has some consideration?
Submitted by MIll8178 (user info) at 2004-03-25 21:43:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Phoenix, where u gonna be out drinking tomorrow? I plan on going out to watch the Pack play ball as well!
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-03-25 16:07:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Maybe I did, RB. You'll never know. ;-)
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-03-25 16:07:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i've had days like this before.
my life has not been as entertaining for others as of late so I have not had much material to draw off...
I will write something soon...hopefully entertaining.
-Turtle
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-03-25 15:30:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have gave you a +2 if you would of taken that extra morning energy and given your bf a good morning wakeup blowjob, instead of killing yourself with smoke. Furthermore, you would have forever been considered "a cool chick" in my book.
Missed opportunity.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-03-25 15:25:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You get a negative because the Pack took out Michigan State AND the team I picked to win it all. Fuck the fucking anamolies.
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-03-25 15:15:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Razor the part about the 666 lady was funny to me. Maybe because I like to drive through the night and know what yellow jackets and other trucker speed can do to 7-11 employees.
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-03-25 14:58:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
hahah UNR is going to get worked, I have no idea how they made it this far.
Boo UNR!
-BongZilla
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-03-25 14:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Mildly interesting.
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-03-25 14:51:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
take a shit and wrap it in saran wrap. microwave it. place said item under roomates mattress. (not just under the bed, between the box spring and mattress)
ive never tried this myself, mind you, but in theory it works like a motherfucker.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-03-25 14:37:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
slowlyrotting - I live with my boyfriend and a roommate. And I hate my roommate. A lot.
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-03-25 14:36:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i must be a pervert, but everytime i've tried to have a female roomate i either:
a) slept with her
or
b) tried to sleep with her so much that she left
so i guess... good job to your roomate...?
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-03-25 14:34:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i agree. blog.
but the 666 and upside-down sleeping were at least mildly interesting.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-03-25 14:34:26 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
You could write for Seinfeld.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-03-25 14:31:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I like you phoenix, but this post was just blogging.