Talking to myself in the shower... (1021 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.83 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Al <revenge_of_the_killer_dustbin.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-03-27 07:32:09 EST
'You're so fucking ugly', taunted my twisted toes,
'From your stupid plastic smile, to your shitty taste in clothes'
'When's the last time you used me?' Cried my penis as it rose.
'I hate each and ever part of you, from your feet up to your nose'
'Fuck you, you fucking shithead' my middle finger cried,
'That time you trapped me in a door, I nearly fucking died'
'I can't stand this fucking body, i've tried and tried and tried,
but your abominable visage, i just cannot abide'
'I agree quite rightly', said the pimple on my nose,
'You!' I cried aghast, 'Are the reason for my woes'
'I'm just your excuse, for when life deals you blows'
'That's a lie' I bellowed, 'I feel i must expose'
'Why aren't you like the other kids, it isn't so obscene'
Call yourself a 'sk8er', keep yourself pristine,
It can't be all that awful', argued my spleen.
'After all kiddo, you're only a young teen'
'Compromise your personality', agreed my bleeding heart,
'And stop eating all that junk, it'll make me fall apart'
'I agree' quoth my rectum, 'And I'm not even gonna start,
On the horrors that you fill me with, which from me must depart'
'Maybe you're lonely because of your intelligence', my ego cried,
In a final desperate stand before it curled up and died,
'That is it' yelled my brain, 'I'm no longer on your side'
'It's hard to take this boredom, all in your stride'
'Now hang on' I told my body, 'This just isn't fair'
'Why don't you just shoot yourself, and give your brain some air,
We still hate you, especially your stupid hair'
Screamed my eyes, as they began to glare.
'It's o.k' whispered Confidence, 'I'm prepared for this eventuality,
Don't worry kid, you have a lovely personality...'
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Here is my picture, tear me to shreds. In fact, if you could photocopy me onto a woman's body, I could finally masturbate to an intellectual equal. Or you could bung me on Rambo. Ah fuck it, just put some mspaint penises next to me like you were planning on doing anyway.
User Reviews
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-18 20:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You have stubby fingers. Must make playing hard...
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2004-10-18 20:25:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cool
Submitted by SoxSexSax (user info) at 2004-06-20 19:27:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice poem.
Submitted by mountainblood (user info) at 2004-06-20 19:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 more for the 70s flower wallpaper in the background, did you steal that from Jan Brady?
Submitted by mountainblood (user info) at 2004-06-20 19:20:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the poem rocked
if it was truely written by you, you have talent and for that I give you +1
even if it wasnt written by you, I give you another +1 for posting it
I don't care about your picture.. when you've seen one person with bad hair doing
some stupid outdated hand jesture, you've seen them all!
and can you actually play that nice guitar you have there?
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-06-20 18:59:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for having a Jackson guitar.
-2 for looking at the computer while using a cam to take your own picture (look at the fucking camera!!).
+2 for that shite hair
Submitted by moebius (user info) at 2004-06-20 18:46:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit. Delicious.
Submitted by moebius (user info) at 2004-06-20 18:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Deliscious.
Submitted by woody (user info) at 2004-06-20 18:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Indubitably.
Submitted by Melany (user info) at 2004-03-27 16:26:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice!
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-03-27 14:08:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this shit was cool man
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-03-27 12:40:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
\m/ \m/
RocK!
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-03-27 12:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
your picture makes me feel dumber.
Submitted by Rokinroj (user info) at 2004-03-27 12:27:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this! Good post
Rokinroj
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2004-03-27 12:06:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice poem, but your face disturbs me.
Submitted by stacenbass (user info) at 2004-03-27 11:46:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me laugh.
I can't help but realize that anything considered as 'serious' poetry gets shit ratings, but if you make it a point to ridicule yourself your ratings will be decent. I guess everyone just likes the fact that you point out they're better than you. It's always a good laugh what with clever rhyme schemes and uneven stanzas.
Thank goodness for photoshop penises.
Your ratings now depend on it.
Submitted by OutLaw (user info) at 2004-03-27 11:23:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god! +2 For having the perfect photo to photoshop dicks into!
Submitted by heyzues (user info) at 2004-03-27 11:13:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because it takes some massive balls to post a picture of your self, when you look like that.
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2004-03-27 11:09:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-03-27 10:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, this was good!
You will, however, have a penis photo-shopped into your mouth at some point, though.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-03-27 07:37:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
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