there is no god... or... white trash ala mode (951 hits)
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Rating: 1.56 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by corn_nugget (View user info) at 2004-03-29 13:44:57 EST
Proof that god doesn't exist?
Well, I'm still here, aren't I?
I'll start at the begining, in order to cut down on the confusion.
There was an aemobea that climbed out of the ocean... eventually it turned into a lizard... (that's how evolution works, right?).
Really, I won't start that far back...
*****
When I was 18 I dated a guy named Joe. (really, his name was Bruce, but I'm changing the names for the sake of anonymity). Joes dad was a quintessential loser. He hadn't had a job since he was 18, smoked weed as often as he could (that means, whenever someone brought some over, since his broke ass couldn't afford it), and he was emotionally abusive to his family.
Since he had no job, The Mom had to do "something" in order to keep the house. His wife was arrested for embezzling money from the bank she worked at. How much money can a teller embezzle if a teller were to embezzle money (over the course of two years)? $150,000.
Looking at their house, you'd never guess they had all this extra money. They lived on an old farm... out back, behind the barns that were filled with random junk, there were approximately 40 old cars. Now, not those fancy old cars... no... cars that were bought from junk yards and donated by friends... "parts cars" they called them.
The cars were arranged on the back 40 in such a way that allowed them to create a 'race track'. The family would all get in their Broncos (the trucks, not the horses... and yes, each member of the family had a Bronco) after a heavy rainfall and tear around the back yard, weaving in and out of the maze of Parts Cars.
The dad kept a Ranger in the barn. It was the only "new" car the family had. It was kept in the barn because they hadn't made any paments on it, and it was being hid from the repo man. "After 7 years this truck will be MINE! That's the statute of limitations on this type of thing!" The dad always told me.
The dad loved yelling. He yelled at everyone, including me. Everyone in the family was resigned to Grin and Bear It. Once The Dad started yelling, everyone sat down and shut up. Common things to hear The Dad say:
"Joe, you stupid ugly FUCK. You're never going to get anywhere in life, you dumb cunt!!!"
"Martha (The Mom), What the fuck is wrong with you? You are a stupid stupid woman. God you're stupid."
"Corinne, you think you've got it made, you stupid rich bitch. Joe is only with you because he's not man enough to find someone better."
When I moved out, I asked Joe to move out of their house, and into my appartment. The Dad wouldn't let him. Why? Because The Dad needed Joe to stay home and "help with chores", which means, he didn't want to lose one of his slaves. SOMEONE has to take care of the chickens.
It wasn't unusual to walk in and find The Dad giving The 15 year old Daughter a back rub. While she was topless.
Nor was it unusual for him to forbid his wife from eating. "We can't afford all this food!"
What's my point? The guy was a DICK.
*****
The other day a friend of mine called.
"Corinne... I don't know if you heard... but The Dad died last night." He told me.
"Oh wow..." I was speechless. My mind was swinging back and forth between relief and sorrow... isn't death a sad thing? He wasn't very old... 51, I believe. He hadn't been sick... wow. An unexpected death is always a shock. But, then again... won't the family be better off? He abused them to the point of submission, he leeched off their income, drove his wife to crime... but still... death is sad, right?
My friend told me how The Dad died.
And I laughed.
Yes, people... I laughed when I found out how someone died.
He died on the toilet.
*****
So, proof that god doesn't exist... I didn't get struck down by lighting when I laughed at mans death.
User Reviews
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-07-06 09:59:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-07-01 09:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"It wasn't unusual to walk in and find The Dad giving The 15 year old Daughter a back rub. While she was topless."
Awesome. I wonder how many of his ancestors "kept it in the family"?
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-15 05:06:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I represent that comment. You little bastard Insane!
Or is it resent? I think maybe both.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-04-15 04:32:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
jesus corinne, you DO hang out with weirdos
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-04-08 16:57:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ahdragos (user info) at 2004-03-30 18:13:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this proves there is a God, i mean, the guy died young after all he did, it was gods retribution for his cruelty to his family. Also i think it proves God is a genius, i mean, he killed the man on the toilet.... thats just freaking awesome
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-03-29 20:36:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why would God strike you down for laughing? He set the whole thing up.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-03-29 20:29:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bout damn time!
Submitted by cf7 at 2004-03-29 19:00:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-03-29 16:55:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Make a repost where you edit this so you have sex with Joe and his sister.
Submitted by PopCorn80 (user info) at 2004-03-29 15:53:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You were nervous over nothing. Poor *Joe*... Way to be creative..
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-03-29 15:44:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-03-29 15:28:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yah, I'd say so, Herpes...
I mean, you should see some of the people I've meet LATELY.
Ahem...
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-03-29 15:06:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You associate with some fucked up people...
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-03-29 14:43:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-03-29 14:40:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jebus
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-03-29 14:39:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
KoolMang... the entire family was freaked into submission. Nobody ever challenged this guy, ever...
One day my boyfriend and I came home from dinner to find The Mom and The Dad watching the Pamela and Tommy Lee video in the living room...
They didn't turn it off when we sat down. The Mom looked VERY embarrassed, as did my boyfriend... but the dad just kept on watching it like it was normal.
I just got up and left.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-03-29 14:35:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"It wasn't unusual to walk in and find The Dad giving The 15 year old Daughter a back rub. While she was topless."
I believe that is fucking perverted. My friend told me that her friend's DAD made her get a pap smear (The mom was dead). An old friend of mine told me about how some chick told her that her DAD anal-raped her, she was 16 at the time, and went to hospital because of bleeding. Not to mention the perversion of spanking your daughters, no matter the age. I can only shudder at the thought of what ELSE he did to "The 15 year old daughter".
The point is, families shouldn't be torn apart based on sex, but DAD should stay out his daughter's personal affairs.
Corn_Nugget, was the daughter complying with him rubbing her while she was topless? Or was she just freaked into submission?
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-03-29 13:59:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"When I was 18 I dated a guy named Joe. (really, his name was Bruce, but I'm changing the names for the sake of anonymity). Joes dad was a quintessential loser. He hadn't had a job since he was 18, smoked weed as often as he could (that means, whenever someone brought some over, since his broke ass couldn't afford it), and he was emotionally abusive to his family."
Sounds like a real winner...
Submitted by zzyxx (user info) at 2004-03-29 13:50:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
he didn't by any chance have a TCB tattoo did he? that would have made it a +2 for sure.