Give Me A Chance (1109 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.38 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Adam Poirier (View user info) at 2004-03-29 21:49:18 EST
Hi.
First of all, you are fat. You are ugly. Your breath stinks. You are unpopular. Your car sucks. Your house sucks. Your life sucks.
You are not witty. You are not smart. You are ignorant. You are stupid. You will never make it in this world. You are unpopular. You will never amount to anything. You are nothing.
Your diet is poor. You have low self-esteem. You have cellulite. You have ugly toenails. You have blackheads. You have body hair where it just shouldn't be. Your eyeballs are not white enough. Your teeth are not white enough.
Secondly, you are fat. You should go on a diet. You should eat more hamburgers. Your tits are not big enough. Your tits are too small. Your tits aren't small enough or big enough. Your dick is too small. Your nose isn't right. Your ass is too big. You should make yourself sick. You should eat more hamburgers.
Your dress sense sucks. You have no style. You are one of the crowd. You are a follower. You are a freak. You don't fit in. You are a looooooser. You have no charisma. You are not sexy enough. Your favorite band sucks. Your favorite brand sucks. Your clothes suck. Your shoes suck. You are retarded.
You don't have enough money. You should work harder. You don't have enough things. You are unhappy. You need more. You are unsatisfied. You are not moving forward. You are not keeping up the pace. You are lagging behind. You are one step behind the rest.
You are doing it all wrong. You need to change. You need to see that change is good. You need to follow us. You need to be individual. You need to fit in. You need to think outside the square. You need to stand out. You need to know the rules. You need to know the secrets. You should be yourself.
Thirdly, you are fat. Your legs wobble too much. Your teeth are crooked. Your face is wrong. You are not thin enough. You are too thin. You need to eat more hamburgers.
You are lactose intolerant. You are mineral deficient. Your cholesterol is too high. Your calcium level is too low. Your blood pressure is too high. Your iron level is too low. You need to get liposuction. You need to lose weight. You suffer from premature ejaculation. You are far too dependant on drugs. You need to buy more drugs.
You are bipolar. You have attention deficit hyperactive disorder. You have post-traumatic stress disorder. You suffer from depression. You are manic. You are not happy enough. You suffer from road rage. You suffer split-personality disorders. You suffer marriage problems. You are not right. You need to buy more drugs.
You should stop smoking. You should buy more cigarettes. You should stop smoking. You will get cancer. You will die anyway. You should have fun. You shouldn't have fun. You should be fashionable. You should keep ahead. You are lagging behind. You should be individual. You shouldn't care about what you do. You are free. You should go your own way. You should follow us.
You watch too much television. You need to stay tuned. You are fat because you watch too much television. You should watch more television. You should be individual. You are going to be a star one day. You are nothing. You should eat more hamburgers. You should drink more syrup. You are too fat.
You should not be who you are. You have to change.
My name is Marketing.
Now buy my fucking product.
User Reviews
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2005-12-10 16:54:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This sounds like a fucking Cathy comic strip
Submitted by Iago (user info) at 2005-12-10 16:44:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
plagiarism! ---------> http://fans.frankbutcher.net
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-11-20 12:24:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes I'll give you a chance.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2005-04-25 00:14:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-04-22 08:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-04-22 08:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2005-04-07 02:38:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just today I was thinking I really should start drinking more syrup.
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-04-07 02:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have no comment.
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2005-04-06 22:27:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shut it shlongy
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2005-04-06 17:45:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no. seen one review of you. made me -2 all of you posts you little imbecile.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-09-23 17:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FetishII (user info) at 2004-08-08 07:16:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hi, my name is CanucksFan. I like to spam old posts.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-08 06:59:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Having fun going through my old posts, spamboy?
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-06-14 01:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
another +2 because Danzig wants to hug you.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-06-14 01:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that was fuckin awesome man. brilliant. makes me think, "why didn't i think of that?" and that's awesome.
you are awesome.
now go write more.
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2004-06-14 01:19:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this didn't get as many hits as I would have liked, but I'm glad most of you who read it enjoyed it
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-06-11 11:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel the same way. People are ignorant, and most instinctively follow the crowd. (Imagine Homer on new billboard day. Clown college and all.)
My strategy is to:
#1) Kill TV - no mas
#2) Do the exact opposite of everything I see in any advertising.
Now I do nothing.
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2004-05-03 15:58:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It comes in all colors.
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2004-04-08 18:57:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-04-03 01:45:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought i had rated this. +2
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2004-04-01 01:02:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think you would have read this anywhere before, maybe a similiar idea though. I just wrote this during the past week. Thanks for the feedback guys
Submitted by DlESEL (user info) at 2004-03-31 21:01:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Where'd you get this from? I remember reading this somewhere before..
Thanks for sharing.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-03-31 20:09:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Slapshot99 (user info) at 2004-03-31 19:58:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked this..........but you forgot to mention that my penis needs extra inches............oh shit.......was that outloud?
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2004-03-31 18:01:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Am I really...too fat?
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-03-31 02:54:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked this, i think it makes an excellent mockery of the advertising diarhhea we are bombarded with nowadays
Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2004-03-31 02:40:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmmm...
+1
Submitted by esso_merda (user info) at 2004-03-31 02:29:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I get happiness C.O.D.?
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2004-03-30 15:20:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"And if you call within the next 15 minutes, we'll
give you a second one FREE!"
Then just sell me one for half price.
Submitted by Coffeeisgood (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:35:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-03-30 00:36:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great. now die.
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-03-30 00:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Good stuff.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-03-29 23:36:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it...
Submitted by Soosan <sdebrece.at.flemingc.on.ca> at 2004-03-29 22:32:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
does this rating make me look fat?
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-03-29 22:18:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by korthrun (user info) at 2004-03-29 22:06:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes, lets blame marketing and not ignorance. Then we can shovel funds, time and energy into combating the corporate powers that be (some how) and not just educating people.
Korth
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-03-29 22:03:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
does it come in red?
Submitted by CanucksFan (user info) at 2004-03-29 22:01:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks guys... Ive seen some new people get shot down with -2's but it looks like more mature people have read it so far
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-03-29 22:01:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Honestly, not bad.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-03-29 22:00:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I got halfway through this and I said "This sucks", then I read the marketing line and that made me smile.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-03-29 21:56:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's an original idea, so it gets a plus two
Submitted by Original_SK (user info) at 2004-03-29 21:55:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Where can I buy some?