The Hand Canon (1488 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.58 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DrinkDDT (View user info) at 2004-03-30 00:11:21 EST
A stolen 1973 Dodge Dart was parked two doors down from the Pulaski Credit Union on 3rd street. The Dart was a powder blue color and duct tape covered the rust spots above the back tires. The schmuck who used to own the car three hours ago must have wanted to pass inspection or something.
The man with the hand canon sat in the driver's seat, his eyes fixated on on his stolen but real Rolex wristwatch. He was sharply dressed and well groomed, because identify theft allows one to shop with the finest of retailers. His dark hair was slicked and his face was cleanly shaven. His eyes were dark and deliberate. It was ten minutes to five. Ten minutes to closing time.
The man in the driver's seat reached into his sports jacket and pulled out the key to the city--his Desert Eagle .50 Action Express handgun. Nearly eleven inches of steel illuminated the car as the sun began its retreat into the distant horizon. He inserted his seven-round magazine into the butt and chambered a round.
*Click-click* is a universal sound commonly heard right before the shit hits the fan.
Five minutes to five. The Dart's driver side door swung open with a creak. The man stood and closed the door behind him. He brasenly walked to the main entrance of the Pulaski Credit Union on 3rd Street with his Desert Eagle in plain sight.
It was approximately four minutes to closing time when the bells above the Credit Union's front door sounded off one last time. The only two employees behind the counter froze when they saw the man walk in with a canon grasped in his right hand. One employee was the bank manager in his late fifties. The other was a beautiful young teller with fake tits and a lot to live for.
The man with the gun approached the counter and pointed the barrel of his Desert Eagle .50 Action Express handgun directly at the young girl's forehead. She could read the initials "R.P.G." tattooed accross his knuckles.
"You ever seen one this big before?"
She didn't answer. The man moved the barrel to the bank manager's face. His voice was steady and calm. "Take me to the safe. By now you've probably realized this is a fucking robbery."
The bank manager hesitated. "I. . . don't even have the combination!"
The barrel immediately moved back to the young teller's forehead. There was a deafening boom, and an intense muzzle flash lit the dimming Credit Union's interior like a flare. Fourteen hundred plus pounds of energy sprayed the teller's brains, skull, and beautiful head of blonde hair all over the wall behind the counter. The barrel was back in the manager's face again.
Miraculously, the bank manager suddenly remembered the combination to the safe.
User Reviews
Submitted by BowDown2Me (user info) at 2004-04-24 20:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 cause I like Desert Eagles.
Only +1 because I would've done that shit with a 20mm autocannon or a automatic shotgun.
Submitted by opposable_thumb (user info) at 2004-04-16 01:04:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"Canon?"
This was fucking stupid.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-04-16 00:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good, but I woulda liked more of dat sauce.
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2004-04-04 17:39:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Sychly (user info) at 2004-03-31 00:02:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Click-click* is a universal sound commonly heard right before the shit hits the fan.
worste sentence evvvver.....
FUCK YOU
-nny
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-03-30 00:23:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-03-30 00:20:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You left out the part when he said:
"I'm RICK JAMES, BITCH!"
Submitted by stupidwhiteguy (user info) at 2004-03-30 00:20:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just saw Dawn of the Dead, now I'm pumped as hell. I feel like getting in a fight.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-03-30 00:18:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
So is this your new career you are contemplating ddt
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-03-30 00:16:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now THAT'S a baby seal clubber.
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2004-03-30 00:15:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, he was a member of a canon. I think its a group of priests.
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-03-30 00:14:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
errr
maybe he had a printer?
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-03-30 00:14:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Here's me holding my hand cannon and pissing all over your face.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-03-30 00:13:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for repeatedly amusing me at 4 in the morning by screaming "FUCK YOU BEEEEYOTCH"
at me on the phone.
Good post, too.
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2004-03-30 00:12:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Well, I spelled cannon wrong at least.