I JUST burst into flames. (4173 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.37 on 147 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Loren (View user info) at 2004-03-30 11:11:43 EST
I swear to God. I am really considering steps to quit smoking.
I took a walk outside a little while ago, alone thankfully... or not, for a smoke.
I was wearing my favorite hand-me-down sweater, left behind by an ex-boyfriend because it's a little nippy outside today. Well, let me clarify, it WAS my favorite sweater up until about 15 minutes ago.
I started to light my cigarette and a spark from my lighter landed on the cuff of my sleeve, and it instantaneously caught fire. A blue flame shot up my arm and singed the ends of my hair and looking at the sweater now, it seems the fire traveled half-way across my back.
It happened so quickly that at the same moment I was trying to pat out my cuff I smelled singed hair (not a pleasant odor for those who have been lucky enough to avoid it).
When I was sure the flames were out, I said aloud, "I can't believe that just happened." Then of course I took a look around, because it would have been a TAD embarrassing to be known as the woman who lit herself on fire in front of the building (not even having a cause to stand for). Thankfully, I was alone, so I promptly took off the sweater - which is now half black, and half dark brown - and ran my fingers through my hair to see if I still had any.
Then I started shaking uncontrollably at the realization of what had just taken place, and worse, what could have happened. So I lay the sweater on the concrete and smoked a cigarette to calm down.
----------------------------
I'm sitting at my desk now, thinking, "Boy, I don't know why, but I'm in the mood for Barbecued chicken today."
What the fuck?
Was it the fabric?
Was it my detergent?
Is there someone I can sue?
What's that smell?
I think I'm going to puke.
Word to the wise: Don't buy 100% cotton sweaters from Banana Republic.
User Reviews
Submitted by WheresWally (user info) at 2005-05-21 09:23:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 cus u have a whole where my willy is
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2005-05-18 14:58:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA!
I can't even tell you how many articles of clothing I've nearly burned completely off of my body while smoking.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-15 15:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It's a Loren post if it has somewhere between a 0.75 and a 1.25 on 130 reviews."
*Looks at comment- Looks at top of post*
HAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2004-09-09 20:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My cousin lit her sister's hair on fire during a church ceremony one year. Serves the bitch right for wearing so much hair spray.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-27 16:54:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Haha! Very nice.
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-05-18 17:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy crap on a stick the same thing happened to me only I was lighting a pipe and I had just gotten my nails done and I wasn't paying attention and my fingernail melted and it caught on to my sleeve (luckily it wasn't my shirt, plus I was high so it made it funny and not horrifying) and then my friend John started smacking my arm trying to make the flames die. Noone was harmed, but I had to get my nails redone and buy a wig. And look how I turned out! ::toothless grin::
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-04-11 14:28:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-04-09 09:51:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The NYC post? I am trying to forget certain parts of that night ;)
It was great meeting the King Shit of Fuck Mountain too.
You've gotta keep me up to date regarding your shows. You have my email address right Will?
If not, just get it from Bart.
And thanks for being a pal.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-04-09 09:39:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wheres the NYC post?
:)
it was a pleasure meeting you.
Submitted by zi (user info) at 2004-04-02 12:10:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FOLLOW ME TO FREEDOM!
Submitted by Katia69 (user info) at 2004-04-01 22:19:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice, Very nice.
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-04-01 21:29:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed when you mentioned your craving for BBQ chicken.
I laughed at some of the replies and lame jokes.
I REALLY laughed at this:
-----------
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:53:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is so fucking flaming.
(Get it? Its a joke. Cause of the fire...flaming. Get it? No? Well richard gere put a gerbil in his ass)
Submitted by USMC_0656 (user info) at 2004-04-01 18:03:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed loud enough to wake up 2 people in another room.
Sadly, everytime I've had the pleasure of smoking in the past 2 months, I've been in flame retardant clothing. But I've done things like this before... just not to this extent.
Submitted by Flak (user info) at 2004-04-01 17:42:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not every fool who responded negatively to my poem was given a negative response from me. Here is a repost of a response to the whining of loki. Oddly enough, it could apply to any of you.
----------
I would urge you to note that you have not been FLAKed (at least not in the sense that you and your spineless ilk would like to believe). My negative 2 for your post was motivated by the garbage contained in your prose and was by no means some sort of retribution. I must admit that your negative and thoughtless response to my sophomoric poem was the stimulus that spurred me toward your "user info" but I can assure you that I read your entry and thought it to be complete drivel. The same thing happened with most of the negative respondents. When I looked at their recent submissions, as I did yours, I found a never-ending string of unadulterated sewage unmatched by anything on the web. There was but one exception to this rule... youarsoghey's most recent entry about the recent animalistic behavior on the part of the Iraqis did not merit a negative response although he was among my detractors.
If you would like to learn a bit more about my poem, it's origins, and how it pulled me into Uberville, check chipolatte's post entitled Poetry for the Masses http://www.ubersite.com/m/14075 .
Submitted by speeddaimon (user info) at 2004-04-01 13:39:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Boy its been awhile since I got a good Flaking.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-04-01 13:26:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been flaked I've been flaked. AAHAHAHAHAHA
http://www.ubersite.com/m/29021
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-04-01 12:41:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
loren - i cant remember specifics but i would almost guarantee it. considering the parties involved and the fact that i was once new as well kinda makes the probability too high.
Submitted by McMuffin (user info) at 2004-04-01 12:34:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fwooooof!
A not very good joke:
How do you make a cat go 'woof'?
1:Cover it in Pertol
2:apply a lighted match to the now pertol covered cat
3:Woof
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-04-01 12:29:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I never get into fights.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-04-01 12:18:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hadook - I don't think we ever fought. Did we?
Loki - !@$#!@&#^%!@^& BITCH!!! Leave my dog alone!!!!
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-04-01 12:09:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i think at one point or another i have picked a fight or been hooked into a fight with almost every sigle user on here.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-04-01 10:56:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel a little left out. When I tried to pick a fight with Loren, she just laughed at me. I even made fun of her "dog".
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-04-01 10:47:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Loren- you sure manage to attract the kids with too much time on their hands.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-04-01 09:54:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Gee... I wonder if "Flak" is "bart_" - it takes a real genius to come up with a new log in, and a real tough guy to hide behind it. And if I cared at all it would take one email to find out if IP was the same. Fucking LOSER!!
speeddaimon -
Lauren is the feminine spelling of the name, but my parents named me after a man, Loren Eisley. A lot of people spell it wrong, but it is pronounced exactly the same, so at least you got it half-right. :-)
Submitted by Sandwichski (user info) at 2004-04-01 03:31:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
time
Submitted by Sandwichski (user info) at 2004-04-01 03:29:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
yo couch nigga
Submitted by DlESEL (user info) at 2004-03-31 23:57:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a fag and shit story sucked ass
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-03-31 23:29:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
This was by far the dumbest argument within a thread I had ever read. Don't like fuckheads constantly taking shots at you? How's about letting them get in their -2, and ignoring them.
Don't like that her posts get ratings they don't deserve just based on who she is? Throw in your -2, and get the fuck on.
I've seen better. All around.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-03-31 18:14:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
boring? Perhaps in the eyes of some, however copying another users name for attention
P
A
T
H
E
T
I
C
Submitted by bart_ (user info) at 2004-03-31 18:00:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
B
o
r
i
n
g
Submitted by speeddaimon (user info) at 2004-03-31 17:55:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit...see look a +2 just cause I screwed up. Loren1. I'm sorry.
I'm hosed aren't I?
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-03-31 17:53:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
YOU JUST MADE A HUGE MISTAKE....
http://www.ubersite.com/m/28906#447862
Submitted by speeddaimon (user info) at 2004-03-31 17:45:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hadooken and Lauren1,
He got mine as well.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/28992
What a fag.
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-03-31 17:29:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-31 17:12:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Anybody who gives Flak a -2 for his stupid ass poop poem beware, he's running around like a fucking baby "getting everyone back" - what a fucking loser.
THAT IS TRUE, CHECK IT OUT.
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=108076147770822797#450589
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-03-31 17:21:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh i am in for it now
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=10807573468830375#450572
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-31 17:12:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Anybody who gives Flak a -2 for his stupid ass poop poem beware, he's running around like a fucking baby "getting everyone back" - what a fucking loser.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-31 17:07:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Everything you ever wanted to know about Flak
User id: 7220
Registered on or around: 2004-03-31 13:15:04
# Messages posted: 1
# Reviews written: 7
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 14
# Hits: 73
Average rating of all messages: -1.00
and let's not forget what a big fan of shit he is... impressive.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-03-31 17:02:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well Loren the good news is it burns off quickly ! Of all my being on fire incidents i've never been actually burned just walked around smelling like charred fabric. It happened to us all so often that we all just started yelling "oompa!" before we put each other out :-)
Submitted by Flak (user info) at 2004-03-31 16:47:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
retarded
Submitted by Supremebeing (user info) at 2004-03-31 15:24:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Offers Loren another smoke. LOL
Submitted by deano (user info) at 2004-03-31 10:21:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hur hur......+2
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-03-31 10:07:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"AND the best part is, it has NO warning on the label."
you said you were wondering who you could sue. that sounds like a winner.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-31 09:52:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
mystiamoon - You're 100% right. I am sure it was this peachy smelling body spray stuff I used when I was heading out yesterday. I checked it out last night, and the second ingredient is alcohol, and there's another super flammable ingredient - the name of it escapes me at the moment. AND the best part is, it has NO warning on the label. I'm thinking of writing them a letter, that shit is dangerous.
I love all the replies about people catching fire, I never knew it was such a popular pastime. I feel a little less retarded now.
Thank you thank you -
The #1 Asshole Magnet
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-03-31 03:31:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
been there, and actually caught fire at least 3 times during my shitty stint in the body shop at a GM plant...if the flame was blue it was most likely perfume especially if you spritzed your wrists, also hairspray residue is a good flame conductor. When a spark would hit my shirt just right u could follow the blue flame trail of where i'd srpitzed my perfume. BTW coolwater woman and all Calvin Klein fragrances smell much better pre - flame than post flame
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-03-31 03:15:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My biscuits are burnin!
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-03-31 02:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:48:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Wouldn't it be fun if this made it to the "most heated" list? ....
..............................................................................
Well you got your wish Loren.
I liked the story too.
What is about you tho that attracts all the morons.
You must be just lucky I guess.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-03-31 01:00:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
How the fuck did this make nost heated? Who's argueing this time?
Submitted by caveman (user info) at 2004-03-31 00:17:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It was good
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-03-30 23:48:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I were able to get online at work during the day so I could share in all this reverie and fun.
Damn there's some jealous motherfuckers out there.
I love the way Loren has to put these idiots in their place all the time.
No more burning yourself up now Loren, ok?
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-03-30 23:12:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My friend sets my hair on fire every morning.
Why am I friends with him?
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-03-30 21:33:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've lit myself on fire doing flaming shots with 151. Some buddies of mine and I indulged in several hours of drinking and then had the brilliant idea of doing flaming shots. I spilled one on my hand and it took me about 15 seconds to realise I was on fire. That was freaky.
Loren- 'To be hated by mediocrities reveals not a defect in your character, but in theirs.'
-Oscar Wilde
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-03-30 20:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Argue away, because I don't think it matters. My ratings usually aren't biased [seeings as how 90% of what I rate is 0 anyway], but if there is one thing that does prejudge my rating it is often times a user that I like. In the event that this 'liked-user' posts something that isn't up to their usual par, I would probably rate it positively.
"Why?" You might ask. Well, you see, we're all community here. Whether or not you recognize it, being on this site for over a year now makes you feel closer to the users that you've interacted with throughout that year. A portion of these users even had a bash at Atlantic City. It's sort of the same reason why you'd back up your friend in a fist-fight... for the titties you'll get AFTERWARDS. Or... something to that effect.
Go pyromania-phobics!
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2004-03-30 20:49:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-03-30 17:24:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, I would like to rebut the base point that was made by GreenGiant and others, sorry I don't remember your name.
It's not a Loren post if it has 1.79 on 20 reviews and it's total shit.
It's a Loren post if it has somewhere between a 0.75 and a 1.25 on 130 reviews.
Why? Because there are a group of people out there who come and give Loren repeated -2s on EVERY SINGLE POST SHE WRITES bitching about how much people inflate her rating.
Loren has the LEAST INFLATED OVERALL RATING ON UBERSITE. Whether she brings it on herself or not is up to you to decide, but she gets more -2s from people arguing with her on her posts than any other UberUser ever.
On top of that, if you want to know if Loren is a good writer, go look at the UberMadness scoreboard.
She ended up unseeded because we accidentally left her out of the tournament. She got in at the last second.
You know what? She's absolutely DESTROYING her opponent... by a ratio of over 10 votes to 1. By far and away the biggest thrashing in Round 1 of UberMadness.
WillZone called her, not knowing who she was, "The Dark Horse to Win the Tournament."
She's even gotten votes from people who -2 every post she writes.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A Loren post is a post thats about shit you can relate to. IE a smoker who set themself on fire while lighting a ciggarette, would immediately light up another one after the ordeal to calm themselves. Every smoker would do that. If you say you wouldnt then youre not a real smoker.
If you give someone a -2 just cause you hate them its fucking retarted. I rate posts on a scale of I liked it or I thought it was shit. Regardless of the author.
If I -2ed everyone I hated, dont agree with, got offended by, took something personal from or just pissed me off then Id be handing out -2s galore. Instead I give a positive rating when its due. Even to Lorens posts.
If you think shes a shit writer then youve never tried writing something yourself or have yet to pick up a book for pure reading entertainment. Therefore youre a moron.
+2 outta spite you schmucks.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-03-30 18:26:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess I just can't agree. I feel totally comfortable saying that I would have +2ed this regardless.
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2004-03-30 18:22:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Razor, not to bag on Loren's writing, but the margin of victory is also due to the poor quality of her opponent.
That being said, she is definitely kicking my ass.
--HeimdallsMan
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2004-03-30 18:00:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
interesting enough...
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-03-30 18:00:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Razor: A post under Loren's ID is a Loren post.
Saying her ratings are affected by all the -2's is pretty much the same logic used by people who complain about her +2's.
Green Giant's first point ("You can't argue and tell me that if you were user #7229, this would be even be positively rated") is close to correct, especially at the time he posted it. But it's not a big deal either way...good for her if people like her...but it doesn't make him wrong.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-03-30 17:30:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wait, I take it all back. You deserve it for shopping at Bannana Republic.
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2004-03-30 17:28:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
my boyfriend lit me on fire... accidentally, he was fuckin around w/ a lighter and lit all the fuzzies of my robe on fire.... it WAS green....
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-03-30 17:26:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
P.S.
I also happened to think a story about lighting yourself on fire with a cigarette followed up by smoking a cigarette to calm down is hilarious.
Especially since you can tell by the writing that she is still shaken up.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-03-30 17:24:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, I would like to rebut the base point that was made by GreenGiant and others, sorry I don't remember your name.
It's not a Loren post if it has 1.79 on 20 reviews and it's total shit.
It's a Loren post if it has somewhere between a 0.75 and a 1.25 on 130 reviews.
Why? Because there are a group of people out there who come and give Loren repeated -2s on EVERY SINGLE POST SHE WRITES bitching about how much people inflate her rating.
Loren has the LEAST INFLATED OVERALL RATING ON UBERSITE. Whether she brings it on herself or not is up to you to decide, but she gets more -2s from people arguing with her on her posts than any other UberUser ever.
On top of that, if you want to know if Loren is a good writer, go look at the UberMadness scoreboard.
She ended up unseeded because we accidentally left her out of the tournament. She got in at the last second.
You know what? She's absolutely DESTROYING her opponent... by a ratio of over 10 votes to 1. By far and away the biggest thrashing in Round 1 of UberMadness.
WillZone called her, not knowing who she was, "The Dark Horse to Win the Tournament."
She's even gotten votes from people who -2 every post she writes.
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-03-30 17:16:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i also remember this one time somebody spilled bacardi 151 all over my arm and then after lighting a cigarette, lighted my arm on fire. i ran around the place trying to uppercut people why screaming like i was ryu from street fighter. its actually where the original concept of my name came from.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-03-30 17:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I once dropped the cherry a cigarette in my lap while making a sharp turn in the rain... after working on my roommate's Starion's malfunctioning fuel injectors. fortunately the only damage was a big black hole in my big black sweat shirt
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-03-30 17:04:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Forgot to rate.
That should even things out.
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-03-30 16:57:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
- I'm probably one of very, very few people on this site that absolutely never offers up a lie.
I didn't say you lie, I said you are fake. There is a difference.
- You are right, I don't give a shit what you sum my personality up to be.
I know, I wasn't being sarcastic.
- There is no such thing as "classless."
Interesting thought.
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-03-30 16:27:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by daggotht (user info) at 2004-03-30 16:18:22 (#)
Ranking: 0
Haddoken, sounding like you mentionned was what I intended to do.
I'm just being an ass and she answers anyway...
I enjoy people who just can't IGNORE.
That's it.
from the looks of it you dont have to try hard to look like an ass. it seemingly comes natural. as far as enjoying people who just cant ignore, doesnt that make you just as guilty? i could be wrong.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-30 16:18:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You took the words out of my mouth Hadooken.
Submitted by daggotht (user info) at 2004-03-30 16:18:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Haddoken, sounding like you mentionned was what I intended to do.
I'm just being an ass and she answers anyway...
I enjoy people who just can't IGNORE.
That's it.
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2004-03-30 16:17:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My daughter set our cat on fire. She had a candle on her dresser, the cat (who is quite fuzzy)jumps up...
PHWUMMPH
Cat runs around her room like a little comet, eventually ends up under the bed, where fortunately for us all the fire goes out.
The fire burned nothing but fuzz, fortunately for the cat.
--HeimdallsMan
Submitted by daggotht (user info) at 2004-03-30 16:14:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
As much as you try to ridicule what I said, you STILL had to say something !
You also responded pretty fast. That means you press refresh or F5 every two seconds, sitting on the edge of your seat, bitting you nails and bracing for the horrible impact of possible -2's or the sweet taste of relief that +2's bring to your hurting little self.
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-03-30 16:12:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by daggotht (user info) at 2004-03-30 16:07:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
You like to pretend we make you laugh.
But deep down you feel an overwhelming urge to respond with a last-word.
Now, we must find the cause of this behavior pattern.
Do you feel good with yourself Loren ?
Do you respond well to criticism...of any kind ?
Can you deal with disapproval ?
Are you hurt Loren ?
We can do this together or you can go back to your cyberspace cell that is Übersite.
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that has to rank up there as one of the lamest things i have ever heard in my life. its a mix between half-ass drama queen and phony intellect that reeks of agent smith from the matrix movies. hanging yourself would obviously be the best solution. saying that you will probably now waste everybodys time with your genius analysis of my charecter. please dont.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-03-30 16:09:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
True, it is fun but then it's also like playing with a small child that can do the same little peek a boo trick over and over and still think it's funny long after you'd really rather move onto something else.
But while we're talking about fun with fire, my mom set the dog on fire. If I had a picture of it, this would have to be a separate post. The dog had a tick. She heard somewhere that you could spray hairspray on a tick and it would fall off. So that didn't so much work and why in the hell would it. The next trick was to touch it with an extinguished match head. Yea so basically, the dog burst into flames. She got it out and I don't think the dog actually realized what had happened, but it did make a horrible burned spot on the dog and that lovely burnt hair smell in the house. The tick made it through the ordeal without a scratch until dad got home from work and yanked it out and stepped on it.
I have odd parents.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 16:08:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Last word last word nah nah na naah nah....
Submitted by daggotht (user info) at 2004-03-30 16:07:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You like to pretend we make you laugh.
But deep down you feel an overwhelming urge to respond with a last-word.
Now, we must find the cause of this behavior pattern.
Do you feel good with yourself Loren ?
Do you respond well to criticism...of any kind ?
Can you deal with disapproval ?
Are you hurt Loren ?
We can do this together or you can go back to your cyberspace cell that is Übersite.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-03-30 16:02:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Bleeeeech, burnt hair stinks.
Bar-be-que sounds damn good right now.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 15:56:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Deisangua -
- I'm probably one of very, very few people on this site that absolutely never offers up a lie.
- You are right, I don't give a shit what you sum my personality up to be.
- There is no such thing as "classless."
Loki - I enjoy these idiots. They make me laugh.
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-03-30 15:56:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Its the fabric, the same thing happens with a plain white sock. I remember a girl kept nudging me with her goddamned feet, so I flicked a lighter and her sock exploded.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-03-30 15:53:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Loren, you've got to learn to ignore these yippy little shits.
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-03-30 15:52:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think Green Giant is absolutely right in his observation about the ratings you got, Loren. His mad lib joke was in poor taste though. Very classless.
I don't think undeserved ratings based on popularity is a reason to just hand out a -2. It's not like you're going to change anything by reacting in reverse. If a person thinks you're nothing special, then they should treat you like anyone else.
Maybe Green Giant would have given the post a -2 without it having your name on it. But I don't think so. I would have given it a +0, because that's what it was worth to me. Except, I like to smile, and thinking of you in flames made me smile, so that's a +1. Had it actually caused severe damage, you might have gotten a +2.
He is also right about the poser thing, though he may mean something different by it. I have heard you are not actually a snobbish and pretentiously hypocritical bitch, Loren. People who have met you in person describe you as a sweetheart. So that must be what you are really like.
Really.
No, really. I believe that.
Okay, you got me. I think your personality wavers between completely faked and carefully fabricated...not that you would deign to care about what I think.
Submitted by daggotht (user info) at 2004-03-30 15:47:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 15:43:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, it's a real matter of life and death for me. You've got me pegged. Moron.
----------------
Denial through sarcasm. A pairing that demonstrates how right I was.
I love you
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 15:43:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, it's a real matter of life and death for me. You've got me pegged. Moron.
Submitted by daggotht (user info) at 2004-03-30 15:32:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What should I know ?
Do you have to be in a clique to speak the truth ?
Do you have to be a hundred years old to make a valid point ?
Also, it doesn't really hurt to see zeroes next to some meaningless stats on some insignificant website. I know it's a matter of life and death for you, which makes it rather funny than insulting when you paste my info.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 15:21:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't like doing this, and won't make it a habit because in most cases, it doesn't matter at all, but I just can't believe this FUCKing idiot is chiming in when he doesn't know shit.
Everything you ever wanted to know about daggotht
User id: 6931
Registered on or around: 2004-03-21 21:51:45
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 21
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 0
# Hits: 0
Average rating of all messages: 0.00
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2004-03-30 15:20:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I havent seen a string of LOL's that long in a very long time.
Actually since I last went into an AOL chat room.
God those were bad times. Very very bad times.
Still made me giggle thinking you laughing like a mad scientistette. Yes its a real word goddamnit!
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-30 15:08:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ho Ho Ho.. GreenFaggot!
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-03-30 15:02:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Shit, I don't want to debate with everyone. I was just making an observation and a joke. I thought the shit my pants thing was a little bit funny."
sarcastically reproducing somebody elses posts is never funny, unless i do it.
Submitted by GreenGiant (user info) at 2004-03-30 14:59:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I just wrote one simple comment, and suddenly it's World War III.
I bore you, because you can't come up with a valid rebuttal. You just want to call me a "fucking douchebag hypocrite asshat". For the record, you're never too old to be a poser.
loki - I understand your point, and it's well taken. You're here a long time, you solidify a reputation, you get good ratings on principle. However, it's that type of mentality that leads to a comfortable zone where a once-great user can post whatever shit they want and still get good ratings.
Shit, I don't want to debate with everyone. I was just making an observation and a joke. I thought the shit my pants thing was a little bit funny.
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-03-30 14:58:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i remember this one time, i spelled lorens name wrong. she came over to my house with some thugs and clubbed my knees like she was tonya harding and shit.
Submitted by daggotht (user info) at 2004-03-30 14:55:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey bitch, you sure are taking this webpage seriously:
"This post was an excuse to give me a blanketed attack and you know it."
You do say fuck a lot too.
GreenGiant is right. His point is simple. They rated you and not your boring and pointless post.
Just because guys want to do you doesn't mean your shit is Shakespear's work. It just means that
you're probably an easy whore.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 14:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
-- You bore me GreenGiant.
-- "Improper word usage" would have been better.
-- And for the record, I have long since passed the age where it's possible to be a "poser."
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-03-30 14:49:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's pretty easy to criticize something if you've never done it yourself. I get this same thing on my posts too. It's just silly and doesn't even make logical sense. First of all, you claim that Loren would not get high ratings on a post if she were not Loren. How do you think she became "Loren1"? Perhaps it was by posting things that got high ratings in the first place.
This uber thing is not that complicated and there is no hidden power. If you post crap, you will be ridiculed and ignored. If you post things that are interesting then you get high ratings which leads to increase hit traffic. It's very simple. If she posted crap, no one would read her stuff.
Submitted by GreenGiant (user info) at 2004-03-30 14:41:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
From seeing your other posts, I know that you'll sit here and argue all day long if someone even slightly slights you.
I'm not being a baby. If I cared about exposure, or my rating, don't you think I would have posted SOMETHING in the last few months? I'm not crying about anything. I'm not saying you've done anything wrong (other than become complacent with your reputation and slacked on the quality of your posts), it's more the people that will +2 anything you write.
I'm not hateful. If I was a 'hateful, arrogant little tool', I'd be -2ing your post every time I review. I'm just observing.
It's probably not a good idea to resort to immature name-calling such as "cry-me-a-river-because-I-happen-to-suck-shit-fest" as long as you're writing a whining, crying reply to every comment I make.
I don't think you need to be handicapped in any way. I think you need to try harder. That's all.
Oh, and don't act so pretentious and then misuse 'mute' - it makes you look like a poser. You tell me not to try to battle you with wit, and I see why - your retort is full of nothing but name-calling, swearing, and improper use of words.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 14:27:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GreenWithJealousyGiant -
So I guess if it were up to you, because you and a small handful of others have some issues with long time users getting good ratings, that I should be handicapped somehow? Would that make you happy? Why don't you petition Bart and ask him to cap off the highest possible rating I can receive at a +1?
Goddamn babies around here I swear.
I find it amusing that in one review you write,
"this must be a loren post. it's pointless and not worth reading, but still has a 1.79"
Then you write,
"Honestly, I like several of the things you've written."
Fucking hypocrite.
Whether you like anything I've done or not is now mute anyway, because you're a hateful, arrogant little tool. This post was an excuse to give me a blanketed attack and you know it.
If you don't like something, rate it accordingly and go the fuck away, don't change a simple, honest post into your own "cry-me-a-river-because-I-happen-to-suck-shit-fest."
Submitted by Kaelic at 2004-03-30 14:20:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Wah, wah, bitch, bitch, I'm the man.
Submitted by Melany (user info) at 2004-03-30 14:14:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Indeed!
Submitted by GreenGiant (user info) at 2004-03-30 14:11:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
1. I have no problems. I was just pointing out that this post is complete shit. You can't argue and tell me that if you were user #7229, this would be even be positively rated.
2. I, like many others, am more of a lurker than a poster. I had something funny one day, but it was too big to upload, so it died. I'm not crying.
3. The mad-lib was exactly what I intended. It just shows that this is a shitty post. I hear bart is going to start redirecting ubersite.com to lorenwebloggurrl.com .
4. You obviously can't take what you dish out. I've seen you give hundreds of -2s to posts much less deserving than this one. All I did was provide one simple criticism, and one *non-threatening* satire of your post. If you can't take anything but people loving you, this might not be the best place for you.
5. Playing the "Everything you ever wanted to know about" card is the lamest thing you can do. The fact that I haven't contributed anything doesn't validate this post in any way.
Please enjoy my lack of wit. I'm not trying to battle, just point out the standard trend in ubersite. You got 0.25 for content and 1.5 for reputation. Honestly, I like several of the things you've written.
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-03-30 14:08:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-03-30 14:05:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Now she's fired up.
THATS FUNNY!!!!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-03-30 14:05:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now she's fired up.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 14:03:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Now all the idiots are coming out of the woodwork. Par-for-the-course I guess, I'm the queen of asshole magnets after all.
In other words:
Supremebeing - find a sense of humor, you psuedo-self-righteous jackass. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 14:00:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
GreenGiant -
What exactly is your fucking problem? Maybe if you managed to actually post SOMEthing, ANYthing... you'd have a right to say something. Other than a hefty "0" you've managed nothing but -2's across the board because you're too fucking stupid to follow simple directions. So until you figure it out, you're invited to kiss my lily-white ass. And don't try to battle me with wit, because you are very clearly unarmed.
Oh... and your little shit my pants story was only mildly amusing because you stole my words and Mad-Lib'ed them. Fucking loser.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:51:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You've always been hot under the collar.
Submitted by Supremebeing (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:50:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
LOL You just caught yourself on fire by lighting a cigarette and then you do this?
Then I started shaking uncontrollably at the realization of what had just taken place, and worse, what could have happened. So I lay the sweater on the concrete and smoked a cigarette to calm down.
Why do I get visions of blonde hair?
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:45:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:13:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the back of my neck is singed. It's tingling.
NO, thats just me making your neck tingle.
Submitted by GreenGiant (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:42:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
###############################################################
I JUST shit my pants.
Category: Science & Environmental
Rating: 0.25 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (View all ratings)
Submitted by Loren (View user info) at 2004-03-30 13:43:43
###############################################################
I swear to God. I am really considering steps to quit shitting.
I took a walk outside a little while ago, alone thankfully... or not, for a smoke.
I was wearing my favorite hand-me-down pants, left behind by an ex-boyfriend because I need pants. Well, let me clarify, they WERE my favorite pants up until about 15 minutes ago.
I started to light my cigarette and I shit my pants.
It happened so quickly that at the same moment I was trying to stop shitting my pants (not a pleasant odor for those who have been lucky enough to avoid it).
When I was sure the shit was out, I said aloud, "I can't believe that just happened." Then of course I took a look around, because it would have been a TAD embarrassing to be known as the woman who shit her pants in front of the building (not even having a towel to wipe with). Thankfully, I was alone, so I promptly took off the pants - which are now half black, and half dark brown - and ran my fingers through my hair to see if it smelled.
Then I started shaking uncontrollably at the realization of what had just taken place, and worse, what could have happened. So I lay the pants on the concrete and smoked a cigarette to calm down.
###############################################################
Submitted by daggotht (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:35:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by GreenGiant (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:27:54 (#)
Ranking: -2
this must be a loren post. it's pointless and not worth reading, but still has a 1.79
if anybody else had posted this, it would be at most a 0.25
tell me i'm wrong
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:34:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Clearly Überized, Loren. You should be ashamed.
Not.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:31:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
when i was in high school it was popular to where burlap poncho-like sweatshirts from mexico. I set my friend's arm on fire on accident. Then I patted it out.
i don't even think he knows about it....
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:29:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
She's a witch... burn her burn her!!!!
what?
-Turtle
Submitted by GreenGiant (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:27:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this must be a loren post. it's pointless and not worth reading, but still has a 1.79
if anybody else had posted this, it would be at most a 0.25
tell me i'm wrong
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:27:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:27:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm.. I frequently picture Loren topless, but in this case I was just worried about her welfare.
I'd be pretty shaken up if I burst into flames like a hollywood stuntman.
I can picture her doing the old stop drop and roll... and thats PFH my friends, pretty fucking hilarious.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:24:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I caught my sister on fire once by waving around a flaming marshmallow on a camping trip. I think I was 4 or 5 at the time, which begs the question, what idiot would let a kid that age toast marshmallows. She recovered, but even now STILL after all this time whenever we go camping someone just has to bring it up.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:24:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-03-30 13:18:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
After reading the commtns, I assume I'm the only one who pictured you shirtless after taking the sweater off.
Hmph, what is wrong with me?
Submitted by Manfre (user info) at 2004-03-30 12:48:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you ever set your cotton socks on fire? Well not really on fire but where it goes around burning the fuzzies off. Yeah thats the reason I dont wear sweaters.
Thats not a good enough reason to quit smoking. Having a lighter blow up in your hand, now thats just a reason to start using matches.
One of the guys at work has a sister-in-law who works at Phillip Morris. They get a pack and a half a day of free cigarettes and just yesterday they started the whole no smoking at your desk thing. I think the office is in NY. I want that job.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-03-30 12:45:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.....
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2004-03-30 12:43:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-03-30 12:36:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehe, retardant.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-03-30 12:34:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow!
Maybe you should have gone and bought some nicotine patches instead of the smoke.
Submitted by jonukah (user info) at 2004-03-30 12:31:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wear wool, it is actually flame retardant.
Unlike you. You're just retarded.
And I'm just a flamer.
BAAA!
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-03-30 12:21:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ha. ha.
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-03-30 12:11:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I always thought you were a hottie, but aren't you taking it a little far?
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 12:06:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've had that happen...
Only I was in church and my hair burst into flames when I was doing stations of the cross as an altar boy
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:58:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:53:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is so fucking flaming.
(Get it? Its a joke. Cause of the fire...flaming. Get it? No? Well richard gere put a gerbil in his ass)
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:52:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Smoking the cigarette after that is fucking hilarious, and the worst part every smoker who reads this will sympathize completely.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:48:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wouldn't it be fun if this made it to the "most heated" list? ....
OK, I'll stop with the puns now.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:46:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahaha, I'm a fucking idiot, but I'll be fine. No worries. Hahahaha, oh god... This is a good story to tell the next time I'm at my parents house and the family is gathered around the fire... oh. wait...
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:43:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
W_Q_P - 'Cause we're having a little gathering in the big apple this weekend...
-----
Damn... I miss out again. The usual east coast suspects? I really would like to meet all of you.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:42:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PS - Most lotions will actually make the burn worse, it retains the heat. Aloe is the best because it gets absorbed by your skin and dries quick, but if you can't get your hands on that, cold running water is the next best...
Hmmm.. since you're probably nowhere near a shower you'd probably best just get a cold, damp cloth and keep dabbing the areas that need soothing.
I hope you're okay!
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:39:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
W_Q_P - 'Cause we're having a little gathering in the big apple this weekend...
Shit Loki, I forgot I did that! Thanks for the advice.
All I know is I'm going to freeze my ass off on my breaks today. I'm so glad it didn't happen when I was driving. I'm really seriously shaken up by this. I'm going to be flame-testing everything I wear for a while now. Fuck it, I needed a new wardrobe anyway. Or you never know, burned clothes might be the next big thing. I can start a huge fashion trend!
My neck is definitely singed.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:39:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ow....
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:34:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why do you ask?
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:33:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Loren, sadly I have never even visited NY. If I was in the area, I would have no qualms about dashing over to you and rubbing that aloe in myself.
Submitted by Coffeeisgood (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:33:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:31:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ex-boyfriend's revenge. A rare disorder caused by hand-me-down apparel.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:28:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe the next time you break up with a guy, you shouldn't soak his clothes in lighter fluid. Well, at least not the clothes that you intend to keep.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:26:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
William, you're a NY'er aren't you?
There's a point to that question, so answer it, damnit.
BTW - I did put some lotion on my neck. I'm just not sure if I got a little burn, or if the lotion itself is stinging me. I'm a fucking retard.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wow, that's craaaaazy. Sue them, loren, sue!
I get 10% of the reward, since it was my idea.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:21:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you okay? Maybe you should get some aloe and rub it in where it tingles.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:20:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jebus!!
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:19:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ba-na-na. Mmmm. Well, everyone quits smoking eventually!
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:18:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Only you.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:17:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:15:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
After all that, "So I lay the sweater on the concrete and smoked a cigarette to calm down" made me laugh out loud.
Submitted by LacyFace16 (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:14:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
haha. great pic to go along with.
see this is a sign. smoking is bad.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-03-30 11:13:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I think the back of my neck is singed. It's tingling.