Nothing to complain about here... (571 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.3 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Beastie Girl (View user info) at 2004-03-31 03:50:40 EST
I had just completed a long, gratuitous "woe is me"-type of entry in my journal. You know, the type that most approaching-30 single women seem to articulate daily, with all of the common rants, such as being 15 lbs. overweight and the constant unwanted attention of married men whose wives are out of town. Self-pity and frustration with the trials and tribulations of being an educated single woman in a big city with a plethora of opportunities and choices.
After I finished my scribbling of senseless and self-indulgent rambles and complaints, I left my office cracking my wrists (writing with a pen on actual paper is brutal to an unpracticed wrist after college) and headed across the street to a liquor store for a protein bar.
I chose a satisfying high-protein in decadent "Triple Chocolate" and got into line, still grimacing over the dissatisfaction I felt with my life. Then, I noticed something strange about the large man in front of me.
A clear plastic tube hanging out of the front of his pants wound its way up to a transparent pouch slung from his side belt loop. In his right hand was an iced tea, and he softly whispered his order for a roast beef sandwich to the store owner. "With cheese, please," he specified.
I felt a sudden wave of guilt and self-disgust. I'm brooding about my life... cute apartment, hot 4X4, great friends, and most of all, SOLID HEALTH... and this poor man has a friggin tube catching his piss for him?!
Suddenly, all of my troubles of the world fell away.
Seriously... what the hell could we possibly have to complain about in life, unless you are said man with a tube lodged in your urethra? Job frustration has got NOTHIN' on not being able to piss in a common toilet. I was actually looking forward to the simplicity of my next trip to the restroom.
The bag was about half full, too. And a very unpleasant shade of... gold.
User Reviews
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-03-31 16:51:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to get derpressed about my life, then I realized that I was a white male in America.
Submitted by Rixes (user info) at 2004-03-31 16:20:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ok i admit it, it was me. i dont really need the piss bag im just lazy.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-03-31 09:35:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked this post until the end. Heres why.
For some reason people feel that bad telling you how somebody else has it better, that will somehow make you cheer up. Like if you got dumped by a girl, somebody will say "Well atleast you have your health.". Well guess what asshole, that doesnt make me feel better.
How is looking at somebody in a worse position then yourself suppose to make you feel better? I never understood that. When i see somebody who maybe is lacking a limb, eye, or central nervous system is just makes me feel bad for them, as well as for myself (for whatever current dilemma im in).
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-03-31 08:23:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-03-31 07:48:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for the self-pity.
always thinking about yourself.
comparing YOURSELF to the piss bag guy.
you shallow bitch
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-03-31 07:18:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Protein bar at a liquor store? Where is this?
Submitted by iddqd at 2004-03-31 06:15:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
nah, i disagree, theres always shit to complain about. complaining about shit is fun, unproductive and can make others laugh.
see, theres people worse off than even the guy with the piss bag. then theres people worse off than them, and so on and so forth, till we are all just staring at this blind, deaf, mute quadreplegic with gonhorrea, syphlis with the only entertainment availiable to him some braille version harry potter books; staring at this guy just so we can feel good about ourselves.
fuck that, there are things about your life that suck, feel bad about them, real bad, so you can come over to my place and have some meaningless sex in a vain, pathetic attempt to escape from the drugery of it all for 6 or 7 hours.
then of course, youll probably get pregnant, and you can bet your bottom dollar that i wont stick around, leaving to raise the child (who will probably turn out to have some kind of defect) on your own, in a world that gets colder and colder, and lonlier and lonlier, despite the overcrowding, till one day, your ingrate, selfish bastard of a kid says "screw you" and heads off out of your life, never to return, leaving you a bitter, twisted, lonely middle-aged woman, with no prospects and no hope for the future...
man i love to whine.
Submitted by deano (user info) at 2004-03-31 05:47:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the sentiment
-1 for not mentioning your wooden leg
-1 for being too sentimental
+2 for the cute flat
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-03-31 05:26:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
doesn't mean that your life still doesn't suck. it just sucks less than his.
~Anthony Robbins
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-03-31 05:20:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm 27 and having a mid life crisis.
Glad I don't have to use a piss bag though.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-03-31 05:01:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've had many similar awakenings, Although i do sometimes find myself having mild self pity over turning 30 recently and thinking maybe i might miss that "have children window", then in a similar line in some store theres a screaming child sprawled out across the floor wriggling his spoiled little body around dangling from his un-noticing mothers hand kicking people near by, and i then smile to myself that sweet smile of relief
Submitted by stevo (user info) at 2004-03-31 04:59:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sucks to be that guy. Maybe he should cut down on the roast beef and cheese if he wants to be able to see his peener again.
There's always someone worse off than you.
Submitted by esso_merda (user info) at 2004-03-31 04:47:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeppers.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-03-31 04:03:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok having gotten past the too much information initial reaction. I agree and concur and all that.