RAM shortage in the Matrix (674 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 0.25 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by headlight (View user info) at 2004-04-01 01:31:28 EST
I had a funny thought the other day. I was watching a bootleg DVD of Matrix Revolutions (though it's pointless because it's coming out in stores a few weeks from now..but hey it WAS free)...when I realized that the conversation between the Oracle and Smith in the kitchen contradicted each one's role.
Doesn't the Oracle know everything?... and WHY THE FUCK DOES SMITH ASK SO MANY DAMNED QUESTIONS!?! Oh I remember why...because he's Neo's "opposite" or "negative"......and Neo can't fucking ask another question besides "Why..." ...... "Why..." I wanted to smack the shit out of him every time he said "Why" in those movies. The first one...fine. Why keep going on once you know the important answers. There shouldn't have been a single solitary "why" out of his mouth in the third movie. Here you go Neo; here are the answers to all your questions :
1. There are two worlds...the matrix...and the real world.
2. Machines hired an architect to make it to enslave the human race. This is bad.
3. You're the positive end of an equation...that means you're "special".......NOW BEAT THE BAD GUY'S ASS.
I mean DAMN. In any case...I digress. The conversation arose the question of the Oracles omniscience. Why DIDN'T she leave the kitchen? Besides the fact that she saw it and knew it was supposed to happen...well I came up with this theory. The matrix is a huge fucking program. But knowing machines thinking they're all high and mighty, so they probably forget to update the processors once in a while. I can see it now...the matrix probably runs off of three Pentium 3's (one for each power line) in a shed in the asshole of the machine city. The machines must have thought it'd be okay because most everyone in the real world is stupid anyway. If the theory of the matrix were ever true...I'd blame all the dumbasses roaming the streets on lame ass processors and RAM shortages. Here's what that scene in the kitchen should have sounded like...
Smith: The great and powerful Oracle. We meet at last. I suppose you've been expecting me, right? The all-knowing Oracle is never surprised. How can she be, she knows everything. But If that's true, then why is she here? If she knew I was coming, why didn't she leave? *sweeps plate of cookies off table* Maybe you knew I was going to do that, maybe you didn't. If you did, that means you baked those cookies and set that plate right there deliberately, purposefully. Which means you're sitting there also deliberately, purposefully.
*a centinal-mechanic wearing coke bottle frames over his red orbs taps on the window*
Mechanic : No...sorry about that...the Matrix is using so much RAM...the Oracle program must be lagging...we're making a trip to Best Buy right now.
Oracle : *jerks* What the fuck? *to Smith* When did you get here?
Smith : Well damn...that sucks.
Oracle : What sucks? What the Hell is going on?
Smith : RAM shortage. You're lagging.
Oracle : Shit. That's bad. Where's that little girl?
*Smith in background waves hand around*
Oracle : FUCK! I was off!
Hence my theory. Stuff was happening at off times during the movie like the whole time. Totally a RAM shortage problem.
User Reviews
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-04-02 04:09:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty funny, imo.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-04-01 13:40:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-04-01 12:19:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Eh, had potential.
The doll's trying to kill me, and the toaster's been laughing at me.
-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror III
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-04-01 04:38:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ram is cheap on ebay
Submitted by tshia (user info) at 2004-04-01 04:04:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the writing sucked but the idea was funny, bravo. of course everyone ignores the biggest flaw with the matrix idea, what if instead of building some complex but easily escapable virtual reality system the machines just gave every human drugs that would keep them in a coama. machines get heat and there is no chance that the humans could escape
Submitted by NinjaStep (user info) at 2004-04-01 01:44:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
mr. smith is a pedo, you see the way he was talking to the little girl? wants her in the ass he does.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2004-04-01 01:40:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh.
Submitted by MagnificentRyan (user info) at 2004-04-01 01:36:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
this wasnt good