Why I don't do good deeds NSFW. (1030 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -1.14 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by David Jones <davjones.at.iastate.edu> (View user info) at 2004-04-01 03:30:18 EST
Reposted with NSFW at Zod's request, my apologies, if some admin would delete the other one.
I was all loaded up, ready to drive back to Ames when I saw him.
"What the fuck does he want?" I mumbled to myself as he jogged towards me. He looked like your average local thug, gold teeth, bandana, beater, the works.
"Yo bro, wait a tick, wait a tick bro!" He called to me. Usually in this kind of setting I would just drive off, but I was feeling unusually kind on this day.
"Man, dude, my cars outta gas man, and my gurl is freakin' out waitin' fo' me ta get back wif some gas, 'an you gimme a lif to my house sos I can get a gascan?" He said with the standard worthless thug lingo.
Now, as I mentioned, I was feeling unusually kind, I dont really know what came over me, but damnit, that day I was going to do a good deed. I emptied the passenger seat of my Fiero and let him get in.
This would be my first mistake of the day, but it would not be my last.
I sped quickly to 53rd, where he said his house was. I figured it was in the nearby residential district. I figured wrong.
"Keep 'er rollin bro," he told me intersection after intersection. Past North High, past the gas station, past Menards...Finally he had me turn onto Highway 61...Wait a minute...the HIGHWAY!? I was about to flip when he had me take the first exit...a frontage road behind 53rd.
Dread hit me at this point. I knew where we were at, we were in the ghetto. Granted, this is the ghetto of Davenport, IA, but it is still the ghetto. Damn. I was nearly overjoyed when he pointed at the third house we came to, before we ventured into the really dark, scary part of the ghetto.
"I's be right back, doncha worry none bro," He claimed as he dashed into the run down house, leaving me to wait in my idle car. Normally waiting wouldnt be much of a problem, but my stereo was stolen earlier that week, leaving me to listen to the hum of my engine. Well, that, and the homeless man beg me for a cigarette. Sorry old man, I am already doing my good deed, besides, I dont smoke.
After what seemed like an eternity, and just before I drove off, my associate ran back out of his house and climbed into my car. SWEET ASS. Finally, I can drive back, pick up my stuff, and get on the road to Ames. But wait...what is this? No gas can.
"Sorry bro, my da' must have the can. I's inside talkin' to my gurl on da cell, she says she got one, it's jes 2 mo' blocks."
I really wanted to just leave him at this point, but I was so close to doing a good deed. You know, the kind of truly good deed no one ever does anymore? The kind that later, when you most need it, gets repaid to you?
Fine. I took him to his girl's house.
"Bro man, this is da coo-ist thing ever, you's so nice man, so coo, straight snappin' dawg." Awww. I truly fealt good at this point. I got a huge thugged out compliment. When all I really was, was really set up. "Yo man, I knows you's done a lot, but you think yous can front me a 5 spot? I needa fill dat gascan up." This kid was good. After that compliment I was completely disarmed. I loaned him the 5, and he went inside.
Now, maybe at this point you are thinking "But David, there is no gas station in the middle of the ghetto!" Maybe I should have been thinking that too. Hindsight is always 20/20.
I waited. And waited. And waited. 10 minutes or more, hard to tell in an idling car.
Then I waited some more.
FINALLY I decided I would go knock on the door, tell him I need to roll if he is coming. I walked up, and knocked. The door slid open at my knock. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw then.
She was the singularly largest, most grotesque female in the history of the world. 5'8" 300+ pounds of sagging floppiness. And she was on top of him, naked. My first thought was "Rape?" but just before they noticed me he moaned yea, ride me baby. As if seeing her humongous sagging tits flop around as she bounced up and down was not enough, the moment they noticed me she bolted upright. It was then that I was forced to bear witness to the worst thing I have ever seen. Her huge, fatty covered, shaved coochie. Luckily for me, it was just an instant before her fat flopped back down and covered the abomination of what most men normally crave to see.
I didn't say anything. I didn't mention my 5 dollars. I didn't tell him off for wasting my good deed. I simply turned around, got in my car, and drove off. I will never really know what happened that day from his perspective. I don't really care to know. Did he just want to swindle me for a ride and some easy cash? Did he need the cash to pay her for sex? Doesn't really matter, all I know for sure is that I was scarred for life.
Ever wonder why I am an asshole? Why I am so spiteful towards people, and only ever look out for myself? It's because everytime I think to do something nice, or debate doing a good deed the only thing that comes to mind is THIS:
User Reviews
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-04-04 05:40:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, bud.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-04-01 19:59:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd hit that. Then again i'd hit you. In the face.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-04-01 13:18:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh... God.... My... Eyes.....
GAH! MOMMY, IT WON'T GO AWAY! MAKE IT GO AWAY! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Submitted by GrizzlyHunter62 (user info) at 2004-04-01 12:56:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ever wonder why people let themselves get THAT fat? I mean, having sex must be near impossible.
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2004-04-01 05:26:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hate you.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-04-01 04:26:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course you hate the pic slick, thats the whole point, but since you apparently randomly rate things without knowing whats going on what is to be expected?
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-04-01 04:19:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't read much, it was dumb, hate the pic
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-04-01 03:56:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment