Go With It! (1033 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <LastStand> (View user info) at 2004-04-05 09:38:15 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
A cool breeze swept across the lonely valley. Its lone occupants, Skyler and Jerome, stood looking towards the recently commenced sunrise. As Skyler looked towards it, he became aware of the rising heat in the valley, just as he became aware of the rising passion he felt for Jerome.
It was a strong, fervent passion, a passion trumped only by Jerome's similarly overwhelming desire. Passion and desire turned to action, and soon they found themselves embracing. Their actions became less subtle and more intense as tender embracing turned to rough handling of each other's nubile bodies.
"Should I keep going?" Skyler asked.
"Go with it!" Jerome replied passionately.
Alright, cut. I'm not going to go any further with this horrid formulaic attempt at a story. This competition has had enough of that to last the next 3 rounds. What was so wrong with this story? First off, only women have nubile bodies, not men. Second, no one is fucking named Skyler and Jerome.
I hate names like 'Skyler'. 'Jerome' just sounds like a prick, but 'Skyler' sounds infinitely worse. It's like someone took a shit and decided the sound he made in the course of his flatulent shit expulsion would be a good name for his son.
Seriously, who wants to hear about a group of angst ridden people with tormented souls naming their children after flatulent outbursts then going on to kill them later in life? What is the obsession with death?
There was a guy in my highschool liked that, he was OBSESSED with death. He was one of the types that hung out in the graveyard after school. I asked him about this tendency to which he replied, "You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same."
I think his name might have been Skyler.
I knew another guy named Skyler, who after he graduated high school went straight to WalMart to work. Something about wanting to get out in the real world and get his feet wet, he said. His employers put him to work in the parking lot, pushing shopping carts. He remained at the bottom rung of the corporate ladder. He didn't even get an automated machine to help him push long lines of carts. Instead, he got a strap. He attached the strap to the last cart in line, then held it over his shoulder and marched though the lot. One time, I sneaked up behind him and cracked a whip over his head yelling "Mush!".
There was also a guy named Jerome at my school. He went to work for Wal-Mart too. Something about not being ready to go off to college yet, he said. His employers put him to work in the back, unloading trucks, making sure no one could interact with him. Jerome had a rare condition which caused him to fart without pause whenever anyone he was sexually attracted to was in his immediate area. Jerome was bisexual, so this meant he farted a lot.
Jerome and Skyler became friends and eventually lovers, although they had not known each other in high school. They would meet for spirited liasons between the trucks parked behind WalMart. The large trucks formed a sort of empty, lonely valley. The makeshift valley was often cooled by an early breeze which came off of the lake just before sunrise and just after sunset. For two months they did this.
Then one day it all came to a crashing halt. The two were engaging in their unreproductive love making when a squad of police interrupted their carnal activities.
"Freeze" they commanded, brandishing weapons.
They arrested Jerome and Skyler on the spot for sodomy.
"How did you know where we were?" Skyler asked.
"It wasn't hard to figure out." one of the officers replied. "We're downwind, so when Jerome started cranking out the gas we could smell it from a mile away. Plus, the sun was rising and we all know passions rise as the sun rises. It's in my wife's romance novels. Not that I read them or anything."
Art imitates life which imitates art imitating life..
User Reviews
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:54:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmmmm.