Thong Guy (2072 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.33 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by LacyFace16<lacyface16.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-04-07 11:50:46 EDT
Occasionally I venture over to the pool to get a little sun. I didn't realize how strong the sun is here in Florida. You can only really stay out for an hour or two unless you want to fry like a piece of bacon.
This week I got dressed in my black bathing suit with the strings on the sides and walked on over to the pool. Found the perfect spot facing the sun and proceeded to lay my towel down. I lotioned up with the 15 sunblock because there's no need to rush this tanning thing here. I have sun pretty much all year round now. So I'm all lotioned up and relazing in my chair when I hear the entrance gate to the pool slam.
Curiosity strikes me so I look up to see who has walked into the pool. At this point, I was only sharing it with a couple in their 30's with a daughter who was about 7 years old. So, you can imagine to my surprise as I look up to see a man in his 50's walk past me wearing a g-string in leopard print with little stringy ties on the sides.
I mean, talk about skimpy! And of course I'm sitting there trying not to stare at his behind as he walking away from to claim his own chair and prepare for a day in the sun. I couldn't help it though. I've traveled overseas and I have seen men wear speedos at Ocean City when I lived there. I'm not completely oblivious to european style men's bathing suits. However, this was a whole new level of *speedo* for me. I've never seen a man wear a skimpy bathing suit like this before. It was skimpier than mine and I don't even wear thong bathing suits!
He oiled himself up and proceeded to lay on his back and spread his legs out so his balls were hanging out. I was mortified. And the poor 7 year old girl! She was doing her best not to stare at him as she avoided the entire right side of the pool. Her parents finally made her get out and dry off so they could ready themselves to leave.
After about an hour of laying spread eagle like that, he finally flipped over onto his stomach, leaving his backside to cook in the sun. I looked up at him briefly and noticed, to my horror, 20 or so pimples on his butt. What is this guy doing out here wearing a g-string showing off his pimply ass? And in front of little children?!?
As I sit there, I imagine the occupations he must have. He's too old to be a stripper. He's not built enough to be showing off his body for money. I am puzzled. I wonder if he is a big time CEO or maybe just an early retired floridian who sunbathes at the pool. Either way, the reality of it is, he's sitting across from me with his male parts hanging out and I'm forcing myself to look anywhere but in his direction.
Finally, he gets up to leave. He puts on these tight little biker shorts and a pair of glasses. It's almost as if he tranforms into a completely different person than the man he was when he showed off his ASSets. He went from having this very strong uncomfortable presence at the pool to being a big dorky looking old man.
I left the pool shortly after to take a shower and get ready for the night. After talking to my boyfriend, I realized this man is a regular occurance at the pool where we are staying. They lovingly named him *thong guy* and apparently he's here to stay.
User Reviews
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-04-07 21:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think Tan lines on a chick are stupid hot!
-BongZilla
Submitted by Supremebeing (user info) at 2004-04-07 21:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You wanted him! you KNOW IT!
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2004-04-07 14:29:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A 0 because you didn't include a pic of yourself in the bathing suit to balance out the mental image of the old guy in the thong.
Thank you for your patronage.
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2004-04-07 14:27:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Please, Don't be "Thong Guy".
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-04-07 14:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
god?
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-04-07 13:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love people that know no shame.
Recently I stayed in a plush hotel in NY while working on location. I would go to the gym in the mornings and every time I went I had to pass by the pool.
Every morning an obese man in his late 70's would be swimming laps. They roped the lane off just for him and his two towl attendents would sit idly by as he swam. Every time he reached the end of the pool he would put his head under water, arch his back and his giant, white, naked, blotchy ass would stick out in the open just long enough for him to turn the other direction and do it all over again.
The manager of the gym told me who he was. Without naming any names, if you want to be naked in public it's a lot easier to get away with it when you own the hotel chain.
Submitted by cwl989 (user info) at 2004-04-07 12:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That's nasty.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-04-07 12:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good, yet horrifying story...I have a million tales in that vein thanks to a few years lifeguarding...oh man.
One thought though, meant completely unagressively..."I lotioned up with the 15 sunblock because there's no need to rush this tanning thing here." First of all, Florida is KNOWN for being sunny and hot (an argument could be made for "bizarre," too, I guess). It's closer to the equator, and that means the sun is much more intense. 15 sunblock? If that's "not rushing," I shudder to think of what mid summer will be like for you. My main confusion is why someone who has already - and continues to - done battle with cancer, knows her body has the potential for it, and has gone through treatment for it, would be so willing to take a chance with the sun down there. When you say "15 sunblock because there's no need to rush," I imagine that you would normally use an 8 or a 4 if you were going to rush, which is a major health risk. I put 15 on my face every day just for safety's sake; if I'm laying out, it's going to be 25 on my face and probably the same on my body. Take it from a lifeguard...do NOT fuck around with the sun, especially that far south, ESPECIALLY if you know you're a cancer risk.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-04-07 12:03:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
was it a phinchthong?
Submitted by Rixes (user info) at 2004-04-07 11:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sickeningly descriptive.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-04-07 11:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well written, but I should have known better from the title.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-04-07 11:52:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey! I have that same bathing suit too!