A look on life, and society. (669 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.83 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Will C <random.address.com> (View user info) at 2004-04-08 02:37:05 EDT
I'm starting to question my own sanity. I find myself talking to myself more and more every day, and each time I seem to talk to myself for longer periods of time, and say things to myself out loud that I normally keep inside my head. I find myself in a strange predicament, on one hand I yearn to be with people, to make people like me, but on the other hand every time I get close to someone, or think I am, I push them away. It could be self-fulfilling prophecy, because it has happened so much to me that now every time I find myself getting close to someone I do something to push them away.
Graduation is a month and a half away and it's scaring the hell out of me. Not graduation in itself, but just knowing that for the past 13 years I've pretty much had to go to school, and know it's about over and I wonder where the time went. It's hard to believe I'm 18, I certainly don't feel like an adult, but I also know being an adult has nothing to do with age, except in the legal sense of things. I'm not sure what I want to do with my life, I thought about going to Kansas University and majoring in Philosophy with a minor in Psychology. English, Math.. the subjects I've had to learn for years upon years have never interested me. It wasn't until recently that I found out I'm interested in people, not what they look like, but who they are. I find myself wondering about life, wondering about why people do what they do, why things are they way they are. I've come to a thesis that people in general are stupid, not necessarily in the "intelligence" area, but in the way that we do things, and have done them for years without even questioning why.
I can't accept something because it "just is" that way, there HAS to be reason for everything. Every movement, every blink of the eye, it all means something, but what? We're so complex yet made out to be so simple. Why am I writing this right now? Why did I choose the words I did? I have no idea, it feels like I'm not even writing this, it feels like it's just random thoughts appearing in my head and so I type them out and hope to make sense of them. I have no idea who I am. My mind seems to be a jumble of thoughts that I can't control, of actions that I can't stop, of images that I can't see. Who am I? What am I for that matter? Am I just another person, just one of 6 billion of us who has no other means but to survive? That's what it all comes down to isn't it, survival? The odd thing is the one sure thing in life, Death, is the one thing we worry most about. It seems trivial to worry about something that's absolute, after all, it's not like it can be stopped. So why the fear of death? I've become more accepting of the notion that I may die at anytime.
I could drop dead writing this and wouldn't even know, or would I? Is there life after death? Are we only physical beings, or are we something more, something that will never end? Even while writing this my thoughts switch from subject to subject. There is so much to write about, yet it seems so little time. A minute goes by, then an hour, then a day, a week, a month, a year, a life. What dictates who we are? Is it self-conception, or are we the manifestation of how other people view us? How different would we be if were isolated with no other human contact? Are we truly ourselves, or is the whole world just a giant mass of people who hold no original thoughts? Obviously we all have multiple personalities, how else could it be explained the way we choose to deal with certain people one way, and certain others another? Often times we don't even think, we just do, thus I believe our mind already has gone to a certain state of mind when we realize who we will talk to. If I died tomorrow, would I really be dead? If all we are is what other people view us as, we will always be alive to them. Not in the sense where they can reach out and touch us no, but the memory in their mind of who they thought we were. Why does 2+2 = 4? Why is shit a "swear" word, how did this all come about? We are taught certain things and accept them blindly. Obviously as children we are nearly incapable of questioning why things are they way they are, we just accept them because everyone else does.
We're no longer human, what made us human was our differences, our originality, sadly we have become a race whose who lives are dictated by the past. We are controlled by the past, we are slaves of it. I'm no human. I live my life as I think other people want me to. Even now society controls my mind, I am brainwashed, we all are. Are we as humans afraid of change, afraid to question the beliefs of what we have been told was right or wrong, yet given no reason? If I had children I could teach them what I wanted, I could fill their minds with whatever garbage I wanted and they would believe it. Our flaw is in that we can't think for ourselves as children, we are too weak to question, too feeble, we are all adapted children.
There is no such thing as rebellion, for all courses of "Rebellion" have already taken place for hundreds of years. Acting out, dressing crudely, getting drunk - all ways kids try to "Rebel." They say "let us be ourselves" - fools. They aren't themselves, they aren't rebelling, they are mere followers, sheep in a herd. No matter what you do in life you will never be different, it's impossible to be. We're unique in how we perceive things, somewhat anyway. A different book could have a different meaning to everyone who read it, yet the meaning they get out of it is because of the past, because of society. We're all victims of circumstance. Perhaps you agree with this, perhaps not, but if we aren't mindless denizens of society, then explain the popularity of Wal-Mart, of McDonalds. Do we shop there because we want to, or because since everyone else has, we should as well? Is there a god? I pray when I remember to, I pray when someone I know is hurt, or dying, but why? Society again? Are we so weak-minded that we can't think of ourselves as being free, is believing in god just a way to try and comfort us?
Religion is of great interest to me. Millions of people have died because of it, so is it good? If no one believed in Heaven or Hell, or that bad deeds would go unpunished, what would stop us from killing someone if they made us mad? Myself, I believe that religion is the driving force of the world. With it, people die, yet humans live on. Without it, who's to say what would happen, if no one believed they would suffer for "sinning" than why bother controlling your emotions? I think that without religion we as humans would probably still exist, but not with the technology that we have, I think we would be inferior beings when compared to other animals, like tigers, or lions. I believe money is the root of all evil. Some fools would argue "well why would people work for things if they didn't become wealthy because of it?" Certainly at this point in time that would be true, I do admit that. Most people are so obsessed with material possessions and having better objects than other people have that they will go to extremes to get it.
If the world was different, perhaps more idealistic, we wouldn't do things for ourselves, we would do things to help others. I think the whole concept of a family is idiotic. You're taught to love your parents and siblings, but when it comes to other people you are taught to be wary, suspicious, and untrusting. Why are we this way? After all, we really all are equal since we are all minions of a society which is morally and socially wicked. I don't believe that people are perfect, I don't believe in a perfect society. I've been taught to love my family, to blindly accept knowledge from teachers. I will never be my own person, I will always be someone whose actions and words have been dictated by society, I am merely a product of something hundreds of years in the making.
These are my own thoughts, I think. But what good are thoughts and ideas when you can't act on them?
User Reviews
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-04-08 14:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"it feels like I'm not even writing this, it feels like it's just random thoughts appearing in my head and so I type them out and hope to make sense of them."
Are you on acid? You're on acid, aren't you. If not you've managed to find some other way to tap into the collective subconscious, prying open your 3rd eye. Congratulations!
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2004-04-08 09:24:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sounds like you're where I was 15 years ago... and as a result I ended up majoring in psychology and sociology, with secondary concentrations in philosophy and religion. My advice to you, if you go to college... study world literature instead. That's where all the answers are.
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-04-08 08:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That should be Highest Common Denominator. Oops. It's still usually lower than themselves individually.
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-04-08 08:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I could relate to this...well, I remember when I would have related to this, anyways.
I think that people can be quite smart, individually.
It's when they get into groups that they become idiots. In order to all understand to one another, they usually have to find some kind of a common ground - or as I call it, their Lowest Common Denominator.
By the way, there are ways to get something of what you are after.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-08 06:44:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
good for you for questioning who you are- not enough people do and i think it's important. i agree with a lot of what you said, especially the money part.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-08 06:17:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-04-08 02:59:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well.. thats an interesting take on it, but I'm pretty sure meaningless sex won't solve anything, but hell.. I could be wrong.
Submitted by Taz35 at 2004-04-08 02:52:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Man, you need to get laid bad.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-04-08 02:38:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Happens to the best of us