Axl and the Moth (558 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.2 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by cat_head (View user info) at 2004-04-08 10:17:47 EDT
I just went into the disabled toilet for a sleep on the floor and had this dream:
I'm sat in a car at a petrol station, drinking a bottle of Evian. Something tells me I'm waiting for my passenger to return from the Stop'n'Shop, so I sit and watch the people coming out. A middle-aged woman heads towards me and I smile at her. We make eye contact and she seems to be trying to tell me something. But she continues past the car, heading towards some other cars. I turn in my seat to see where she's going and she glances round with a strange look in her eye. Have I seen her somewhere before?
A gentle rap at the window startles me and I turn back to look out the passenger window. There's a guy smiling at me and holding an armful of stuff he's bought from the shop. I unlock the doors, and as my passenger's head disappears from the window and the door opens to reveal his body, I notice that he is definitely someone I have seen before. He's wearing green cycling shorts, some big black boots and a leather jacket with a big stars and stripes on the back. As he slides into the cabin I notice his long, reddish, dreadlocked hair and a green bandana and the face and think: fuck me - it's Axl Rose.
He rips open a packet of Wotsits and starts talking about how the gas stations are better in the US, though they "Don't have these babies", and he gestures towards the Wotsits. He continues to go on about the range of confectionery and snacks on offer, and after a couple of minutes he stops and looks at me and says "Dude, what the fuck you waitin' for man?". I've spent the whole time looking at him, mouth agape, and I struggle to think of what to say. I can't think of anything, so I just drive off, still open-mouthed.
Axl asks if it's OK if he puts the radio on. I tell him "Sure", and he tunes it to some station. Avril Lavigne's "Complicated" is just starting. Through a mouthful of Snickers, Axl begins to sing along.
"Tryin' to be cool. You look like a fool to meeeeeee-eeeee-ayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!".
"Why d'you have to go and make things so complicayyyyyeeeee-ted!! Owww!!!"
Whenever there's a pause in the lyrics, he fills in with various "ooooo-oooh"s, "whoaaaaah!!"'s and an assortment of other extravagant sounds. I lose track of where I am driving, and the next time I look out the window I see that we are heading along a road cut into the side of an enormous mountain that seems to be made out of twisted trees and metal. I stop the car, we get out, and Axl walks round to the boot and starts assembling some kind of elaborate weapon. He's still singing, and now it's the last tune that was on the radio, which was "Hero" by Enrique Inglesias.
"You can take my breath awaaaaayy-aaay-aay---aaayyy-aayyy. Whoaaaa-oooaah-yaa-aay-aayyy!!!!"
He heads over to a large granite door built into the side of the mountain and it opens. We go in. Inside we follow a winding tunnel that eventually opens out into a large dark chasm. In the distance there is some activity, and upon getting closer I realise that it's an enormous multi-coloured and glowing moth. This thing's abdomen is about the size of a skyscraper. It's flapping about and its wings are whipping up so much wind that I cannot remain on my feet. I look across at Axl and see he is standing strong in the face of the wind. He is aiming the weapon at the moth. KABOOSH!!!
He detonates the weapon and it ploughs into the moth's head. The moth explodes amidst a cloud of shattered wings and moth blood.
The next thing I was looking up into the faces of my boss and the building caretaker. My face was linked to a puddle of drool on the floor of the toilet by a cord of saliva. As I stared at the pube and paperclip strewn floor, the post-sleep confusion began to dissipate and I slowly realised what was going on.
I have a tendency to talk, shout and sing during my sleep, and I guess someone must have heard me and thought that my Axl impersonation was actually a tard in distress. My boss had got the caretaker to use a special key they have for opening the disabled toilet, and the rest is history. I don't think I'm gonna get fired, but it didn't go down too well.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaahhhhh!!!!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2004-04-08 13:23:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Axl Rose singing Avril.....
next dream, Mick Jagger singing Christina while fighting off the huge ant from Honey I Shrubk The Kids??
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-04-08 13:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny.
Submitted by Coffeeisgood (user info) at 2004-04-08 11:20:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-04-08 10:57:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
They can also be killed by Robert Smith from The Cure.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-04-08 10:41:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Impossible story. Giant moths can only be killed by Godzilla.