You Bother Me (619 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: blog
Rating: 1.36 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by corn_nugget (View user info) at 2004-04-08 16:37:33 EDT
Time for some reflection...
1) Captain Obvious. This is the guy who asks the obvious question. I was clocking out of work today, purse over my shoulder, jacket under my arm, coffee cup dangling from my pinkie, and My Captain Obvious asks, "Hey Corinne, you leaving work?". Or, the customer who looks at my display of Palm Pilots and asks, "Are these your only Palm Pilots". No, asshole, we keep the good ones hidden in the warehouse. OF COURSE THEY ARE MY ONLY ONES!
2) The butter-inner. Usually spotted by their use of certain phrases, such as, "Hey, what are you guys talking about?" and, "Did I hear you say...".
3) The Turner-Backer. This is the person who doesn't know how to listen. They often turn every conversation back onto themselves. Me: "yeah, my cat died today... I'm so sad." Them: "AH! I had a cat one time... oh, man... it used to love to chase birds". Me: "I lived in Egypt for a little while." Them: "Ah! I have a friend who lived in Ohio... man, you wouldn't believe how people drive down there!".
4) Story-Telling Forgeter. They tell the same stories over and over again. Usually these stories are boring the first time you hear it (said stories are almost always about either children, pets, or drinking). The best way to save yourself the pain of listening to the story again and again is to interrupt early on with a chuckle and the phrase, "Oh yeah, you were telling me about this yesterday!!!".
5) The Long Winder. They never stop talking. They never pause long enough for you to make an excuse to leave. They seem totally oblivious to the fact that you are uncomfortable and bored.
6) The Slow Talker. This is the guy who you find yourself finishing sentences for. You're on the edge of your seat... not with excitement... but with frustration. Get it OUT, already!! SAY IT!
7) The Space Invader. Arms length, Americans! These people stand so close that you find yourself backing up. For every one step you take back, they step a bit closer. Expecially bad when the person is tall... and extremely bad when the person is eminating certian odors from either the mouth or nether-regions.
8) The Helper. Usually female, and always trying to help. Often says things such as, "If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, let me know." and, "I'm always here for you!". The definitive way to spot a Helper is to notice that there are always witnesses to such offerings for help. These people want to be seen as caring, loving individuals. They don't REALLY want to help you.
User Reviews
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-04-12 10:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Zod, no really... I don't fit into any of the catergories of people who bother me. I'm sure I fit into catergories that OTHER people have of things that bother THEM... but, in my own eyes...
I'm PERFECT!
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2004-04-09 11:08:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-04-08 17:02:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait, I forgot about the
Maybe-they-didn't-hearer: The guy who says something he thinks is funny, and then repeats it a bit louder after not getting the response he thinks he deserved.
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Kinda like Jay Leno?
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-04-08 21:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny, but at the same time, every person on the planet fits into one of these categories, including you.
Die, fucking hypocrite!!
;)
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-04-08 21:17:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Right...don't bother talking to corn_nugget - check.
Minimize any cryptic conversation with Loki - check.
I'll check back every so often see who else I shouldn't bother by talking to.
Nice list. Bye!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-04-08 21:01:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
or the Can't Hold A Conversationer:
"Hey, how's it going... what have you been up to?"
"oh, nothing."
"ah, okay... you still working at Wakymoto?"
"yep"
"Cool, cool... how's your family doing?"
"good"
"Ah... alright, I'll catch you later... I have to get home and do the laundry" (you say this because 1) you're bored and 2) You think this person doesn't want to talk to you- hence the short answers)
"Oh, leaving already? I thought you were gonna hang out for a while??"
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-04-08 20:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this list is getting very comprehensive
has the "i will only discuss one topic: myself" person been mentioned yet?
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-04-08 17:49:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i thought that this was gonna be a hate post
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-04-08 17:45:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha!
You bother me, too.
Wait, no, you don't. I just mean... the title... was funny. It made me laugh, and...
Never mind.
+2.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-08 17:23:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do think you left out those 50 something guys with a bald top and a pony nub who stroll up to you with "fuck me eyes" and try to buy you drinks or get you to dance. You politely decline SEVERAL times to no avail. You then have to get hardcore on thier ass and tell them like it is. They then look at you all self-righteous and call you a raging bitch or make some stupid menstral related comment
GAWD i hate them the most
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-04-08 17:21:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What about those people who say something cryptic just to get you to ask about it.
"Oh that's kind of like a yellow iguana."
I am not going to ask what you mean by yellow iguana and you can't make me.
or
Someone who tells a story about something that you were there for and fucks it up. No, dipshit that is not what happened at all. Goddamn it I was THERE.
or
Someone who starts a story and you've heard it, but there's nothing you can do to cut them off to make them not finish.
"yea yea yea and then he came back in the room and saw the panty hose hanging from the curtain rack. I know I've heard it."
"then the guy came back in the room and you wouldn't believe it but there they were."
"shut up shut up shut up"
I need a fat bowl now - thanks.
59 hours and 8 minutes until I leave for vacation.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-04-08 17:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The lazy conversationilist. The one who repeats back your last 3-5 words and adds "huh?" to the end.
I had a shitty day at work today!
You had a shitty day, huh?
Yeah, I just want to relax with a drink.
You want to relax with a drink, huh?
Shutthefuckupyoustupidassholeyouaremakingmecrazy!!!
I'm making you crazy, huh?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-04-08 17:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How about the "my life is so much worse than yours" competitor.
They ask how you are, you say "eh, I'm okay. Kind of feeling sick today."
and they say, "that's nothing, my kids hate me, my wife is cheating on me, and did I mention I got shorted on my change at the grocery store? My life is so rough."
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-04-08 17:08:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What pisses me off the most about the space invader is when it's a fat person and they touch me with their fucking belly. I swear the next time that happens I'm going to scream.
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2004-04-08 17:08:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't forget the elitist; you know, the guy who uses medical acronyms when he knows you will have to ask "What the fuck does that mean" or the guy who tries to discuss luxury sports car performance when he knows damn well you've never even been in a Jaguar, let alone a Lotus or a Shelby.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-04-08 17:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wait, I forgot about the
Maybe-they-didn't-hearer: The guy who says something he thinks is funny, and then repeats it a bit louder after not getting the response he thinks he deserved.
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2004-04-08 17:00:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nads will rip the skin right off your balls.
Not that it's happened to me or anything........
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2004-04-08 16:58:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The 'moan and groaner'
stfu and stop complaining, NOBODY likes it here, dammit!
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-04-08 16:51:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
should've clarified... my nad hair
maybe i could try "nads" but it looks like it might hurt and/or turn my sac bright red... fuck that
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-08 16:49:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The joke repeater- the guy who tells you an unfunny joke and you can hear him keep telling other people the same unfunny joke, and maybe he even tells you an second or third time
or maybe even the...
phrase repeater- repeats everything that other people say really loudly because they want everyone to be able to hear what others say. Common among old people.
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-04-08 16:47:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by speeddaimon (user info) at 2004-04-08 16:46:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
they grow back? What? Your nuts?
Submitted by c-dog (user info) at 2004-04-08 16:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-04-08 16:43:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What bothers me the most is that even when i shave my nuts as close to the scrotum as possible, they grow back within a week. I don't want my girlfriend choking... fuck!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-08 16:42:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by speeddaimon (user info) at 2004-04-08 16:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
eh, is alright.
I won't tell you to lop off your hands or pick up anything explosive.
Consider this an accomplishment.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-08 16:40:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm 1,2,3,4, and 8.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-04-08 16:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My list would have been longer. It would have included everyone.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-04-08 16:38:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do have to comment? I liked it.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-04-08 16:38:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
sshhh