Prickle of Arabia: a middle eastern travel journal. (619 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mr Prickle (View user info) at 2004-04-08 20:24:27 EDT
Tuesday, May 7, 2003
The life of the haemorrhoid-ridden international traveller is filled with risk and adventure.
My basic plan of shitting PRIOR TO SLEEP had so far been successful. Using this method, the grapes that shitting causes to emerge from my arsehole have fully receded by morning - after a night's rest - thus allowing me to move about freely without pain during the day.
But what to do when flying overnight?? That was my dilemma today, as I boarded my plane in Taipei en route for Roma, the eternal city.
I decided to hang on, ie skip one night's shitting on the plane, and wait till the following bedtime when I would hopefully be safe and sound in my Roman hotel.
But by the time we landed for a stopover at Abu Dhabi (which I believe is somewhere in the middle east) at 2.00 am this plan needed to be revised. The 'stinky tofu' and the scone with jam and cream and the chinese style macdonalds and the iced coffee and the deep fried chilli squid that Miss Ding had fed me in Taipei plus the airplane dinner and the airplane breakfast and all the airplane snacks that I had gobbled down were demanding release. Holding on to this load, plus whatever else I would eat in the next 18 or so hours, seemed too daunting an objective.
I stood in the exotic Abu Dabi transit lounge doing some sums. I decided to gamble. Taking a shit now would leave me six hours of flying time before we reached Rome. With sufficient application of Rectinol, and with luck, the roids might recede. I had two seats to myself on the plane, so should be able to position myself in an arse-friendly posture.
I entered the Abu Dhabi transit lounge toilets grimly determined.
But all the cubicles were full, and men were milling about in the space between the urinal and the cubicles, waiting for a vacancy. This claustrophobic and potentially homophobic scene, and its aromas, repulsed me. I retreated back to the exotic Arabian transit lounge.
Several more visits to the toilets were needed before it had calmed down and a vacant cubicle was available.
I entered the cubicle and was pleasantly surprised by a clean toilet and even a special little hose with which to, I assumed, spray-clean one's arse. This was a bit of a bonus - it can be difficult to get one's arse thoroughly clean when hemmies are hanging out everywhere, so this hose could be very useful. I sat and prepared for as relaxing as possible a shit (a relaxed attitude while shitting generally leads to reduced hemmie action).
As if on cue, the harsh-sounding intercom suddenly announced that passengers for Rome should board their plane for departure. While I knew this was probably only a first call, it nevertheless added an element of urgency and doubt
I managed to release some shit, but not the motherlode I had expected.
Things became more tense and complicated when I was suddenly showered with liquid from above. From what I could determine, by frantically sniffing at myself, it was only water, presumably accidentally fired over the cubicle wall by the idiot next door experimenting with his spray hose. I told myself it would have been impossible for the water to have somehow ricocheted off the idiot's dirty arsehole and then up and over the cubicle divider, so it was most likely 'only' abu dhabi water intended for arse cleaning that had showered onto me.
Then a more disturbing thought crossed my mind: perhaps one of the dusky toilet attendants was playing a foul joke on me. Earlier, I may have accidentally shown one of them disrespect.
To be continued?
User Reviews
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-03 05:43:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well, well, well,
this seems to be missing an apollo +2.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-04-09 01:45:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Damn these hooks."
Is your spincter feeling better?
Post more Prickle
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-08 21:31:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-04-08 21:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Should you perhaps rename this "A PoopCapade"? Or something? Although, I do have my very own Middle Eastern Poop story...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/19679
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-08 21:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm sure there are people who would probably like this. I'm not one of them. Others may want to see a continuation, and who am I to try and deprive them with a -2?
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-04-08 21:00:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
koolmang, i thought you were reformed.
prickle is heartbroken
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-04-08 20:49:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Arabia sucks, we should turn it into a parking lot.