Embarassing Stories for Applications (1718 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.53 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by BonesForBucks (View user info) at 2004-04-09 08:07:42 EDT
Recently at my job we have been having "staff spotlight of the week." Each week they take a sheet of paper that we have filled out with various information like name, major, favorite place to eat, etc. Well, one of the sections was "Most Embarrassing Story." I couldn't pick one. I had several embarrassing stories. At first I laughed, thinking it was funny. After 10 minutes of writing and having to get another sheet of paper to continue writing, I started to feel a little embarrassed. I ended up writing "To many to tell" on the sheet, but I figured, hey, with all the work I put into this, why not put it somewhere?
Most Embarrassing Story?
1. Finding out that, despite having "Overall Monday," "Came Teusday," and "Dixie Outfitter Wednesday" for the first three days of Spirit Week at my redneck high school, a proper protest against "Confederate Flag Thursday" was not "Nudity Celebration Thursday."
2. Going down the Cliffhanger waterslide at Whitewater Water Park, my top came off.
3. My principal is pretty short for a guy, about 5'1". When I was going up to get my graduating diploma, I tripped and head butted him so hard he was knocked out cold. While everyone was still in shock, I just kind of bent down and took my diploma from his hand.
4. During Field Day at my redneck middle school, I was on the team 8-C Rebels, whose shirts also happened to be white (I guess to make a good undershirt for their KKK outfits.) While playing Icy Musical Chairs, one chair is a tub of ice water, which some girl pushed me in face first. I came up screaming in my soaking, cold, wet white t-shirt. You know where I'm going with this. People took pictures. These pictures of my pubescent boobs kept resurfacing for about 4 years.
5. One time one a date, this guy with really lame sunglasses at a bar was staring at me You know those sunglasses, the mirrored kind that are very cheap knock-offs of expensive ones? He stared at me for nearly an hour. I got so pissed off that I stormed up to him. "What the fuck are you looking at, prick?!?!?" I screamed at him. He just kind of looked confused. "Janine? Is that you?" "NO I'M NOT JANINE, YOU FUCK! GET YOUR EYES OFF OF ME!" I ripped the sunglasses off his face. He had no eyeballs! Just big empty eye sockets! I faked a feinting spell and managed to get out of there fast.
6. Going down another big waterslide at Wet 'N' Wild, my top came off.
7. One time I woke up and one of my roommates had her hand down my hands. I had been asleep. She hadn't. I said, very calmly, "What the hell are you doing?" She freaks out, replies "Uh...uhm...wow, I'm drunk!" And got in her own bed. I know for a fact that she is a very strict Muslim.
8. At a raffle, they called out my ticket number and said that I had won a new car! I ran screaming up to the stage and plowed into another girl who had also ran screaming to the stage. As it turns out my number was actually 089610, not the winning number of 019680. I was looking at the ticket upside-down.
9. When everyone was dancing at this local club, this girl brushed her butt against my crotch to get past me. She ended up getting her g-string caught on my belt buckle and got a super-wedgie. I spun around and tripped. It ripped her g-string right off. It came off some fast, it rug-burned her and there was blood on the torn underwear dangling from my belt.
10. Writing this post for Ubersite at work, my top came off.
User Reviews
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-21 10:14:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-12 11:44:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Confusion (user info) at 2004-04-09 19:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You better be hot.
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-04-09 17:11:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*cough lies cough*
Good stuff anyways.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-09 15:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny across the board.
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2004-04-09 12:23:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just for #3.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-04-09 11:36:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1) Yes, I am. See my last post for picture.
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Ok so i checked out your last picture and your a skinny 20 something black chick. Considering the internet is populated by fat older white males, you can take that as a compliment.
Next question: You went team called the Rebels? Eh?
p.s (I had a dream last night about banging a skinny 20 something black chick. Coincidence?)
Submitted by BalloonKnot (user info) at 2004-04-09 11:29:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by BonesForBucks (user info) at 2004-04-09 11:22:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In response to reallybored's review:
1) Yes, I am. See my last post for picture.
2) No, it's a drug reference. My friend, who used to be a dealer, had a website called Bones For Bucks that detailed his hilarious drug encounters, and pictures of narc cops so you wouldn't get busted as easily. Then some government agency made Geocities close down the website because it was revealing undercover agents and he lost all his content.
3) They aren't THAT small. Again, refer to my previous post.
I think I might invest in a Duct Tape bathing suit, but I'm not sure how it would hold up under lon, submerged periods. Plus I think it would hurt to get off.
In response to Loren1's review:
Yeah, I really should slow down. The problem is, when I get writing I get REALLY excited to be doing it and just start tapping things out. Then I spellcheck and proofread, but it's hard for me to catch things that I myself have written. I have bad luck with blind people. One time, I tripped over a blind guy's dog and it ran away and he was just screaming for the dog. "Where's my dog?!?!? Help me!" Luckily the dog came back. I'm lucky it didn't get hit by a car or something. One time at Jekyll Island, I was at a restaurant playing with some creamer, and I accidentally shot it out all over the place and some hit a blind guy and he started to move his head around like Stevie Wonder trying to figure out what was happening.
In response to WillZone's review:
Yeah, I think most of them could. Maybe I'll consider doing a series of my moments. I actually had more embarassing stories to add, but I was late for an Intro to Anthropology test (which I am pretty sure I kicked ass on.)
On and for any naysayers:
It actually did come off during work today. I was taking off a stupid lab smock that they make us wear now. It is similar to those worn by elementary school art classes. One of the hooks got caught on the bottom edge of my top and I ended up flashing half the lab. This one guy keeps telling everyone about it. I'll have to tell everyone about my job next time I get a chance to post.
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-04-09 11:18:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
develop
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-04-09 10:16:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BAHAH!
I didn't read the entire thing, but plus two for reallybored's comment.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-04-09 10:11:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A couple comments:
1) You're a girl?!
2) Bonesforbucks - Is that some sort of prositute meaning?
3) Do you have really smally breasts and thats why you shit is always falling off?
3b) If not, can you post a picture.
Thanks.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-04-09 10:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Slow down a little so things like this don't happen: "my roommates had her hand down my hands."
Otherwise, some funny stuff. I would have killed myself if I did what you did to the blind man.
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-04-09 10:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-04-09 10:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Boobies rule.
Submitted by speeddaimon (user info) at 2004-04-09 09:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was hilarious.
Me thinks you need bigger boobs though, so the top doesn't come off.
And a picture of them.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-04-09 09:06:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Each one of those stories can become a post.
Just embellish where you need juice.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-04-09 08:18:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+2 if you had a pic of your top coming off