Gods Messenger (385 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.33 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DyerBm (View user info) at 2004-04-09 12:34:26 EDT
Every couple of years my whole family decides to take spring break together. At least the family that can make it. Since my early teens we've gone down south to either Tampa or Panama City Beach for these trips and have gone about every two years since. Before I was old enough to drink, my younger brothers and I would pass most of the time down there doing evil and mischievous things. Something that has become a hobby to us at this point, is playing pranks on family members or unsuspecting collage students that came to have fun.
The last time we all went down there, our only idea was to sit at the top floor of our hotel (which was 8 stories high) and launch water balloons down at the cars passing by on the main strip. That was fun only up to the point that I hit a guy in his drop top Porsche in the face. He called the cops, it wasn't a good thing. Thankfully I wasn't 18 just yet so we got off with just being yelled at. Right-on!
This year however, we had plans to top all previous ideas, and do something that we could remember forever. After considering how hilarious it would be, we came to the conclusion that using my new tazer gun on unsuspecting drunks would be the most effective way to bring laughter into our lives. So the plan was to go walk down the beach, search the many beach parties there were, looking for a Mr. I'm to drunk to remember where I'm at, and then help shock his memory back into gear.
Although this sounds like a horrible thing to do, you must remember, we wouldn't shock anyone who we didn't think was going to pass out there anyway, and most importantly, when and if the person fell, at least it would be on the soft ass sand. After walking back and fourth down what seemed like a ten mile strip, I had finally found a guy that I felt comfortable doing this to. My comfortably in the fact that (A) this guy wasn't too big, so if he tried to kick my ass afterwards he couldn't and (B) the anticipation had already built up so much I was ready to shock myself.
So, the three of us start to walk up behind his stumbling ass. I tell my brothers to go up to him and start conversation. The idea was that while they are distracting him, I could serve him a sure surprise and then we could run like little bitches. Whoo! Here goes nothing.....ZZZTTZZZTT!!!! Instantly upon my touching him his knees buckled, arms went flailing into the air, and in a desperately pissed off yell his throat cried "youstiggigityflob!". At first we sat there horrified not knowing what the fuck he said, and also wondering if he was dead.
Thinking that he would have no clue as to what happened anyway, I decided to make sure everything was alright. So I told my brothers to play it cool, turned him over only to find that he had pissed himself when this happened. As bad as I felt at that point, I couldn't help but to start laughing. After getting a quick laugh in, his eyes opened wide and his hands went quickly around my neck. "what the fuck are you doing?" (Me)"Nothing man, we just found you here. I just was making sure your ok. What the fuck happened to you?"
After helping him up and convincing him we just came to check on him, we decided that as the upstanding citizens that we are, we would walk him back to whatever hotel he was staying at. Along the way having to listen to his stories concerning the questionable rape's that he and his friends committed since they got down here, made me feel all the more better about what we had done. God works in mysterious ways, and that night I was his messenger.
*End Note* For those of you that found our actions appalling, I think I can bring you some joy with a knowing that seeing how funny that experience was to us, my brothers figured that they would allow me the pleasure of the shock as well. I didn't expect it either. When I was sitting in our hot tub enjoying a nice cold corona, those sneaky fuckers fucking electrified my fucking back off. After having this shit done to me I don't understand why that guy passed out, except for the fact that he was drunk, because I just lost body control and busted my lip on the concrete.
Oh well, it's always a good time spring-breaking with this crew.
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User Reviews
Submitted by dyerbm (user info) at 2004-04-12 12:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What in the shit is that supposed to mean?
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-04-12 12:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I prefer MSN.
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-04-09 20:05:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
heh
Submitted by SPE (user info) at 2004-04-09 12:41:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for the taze