Snake In The Woodshed (730 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 1.33 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Method (View user info) at 2004-04-09 12:40:57 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
"Daddy, daddy, theres a snake in the woodshed!"
"Don't be silly, honey, we don't have a woodshed"
"Oh, ok." The little girl walked back to her room, dejected, her head hung low.
David chuckled and laid back in bed. His daughter had a vivid imagination. He loved her to death, and usually tried to amuse her, but sometimes, he just didn't know how. His eyes lowered and he continued reading his book.
--
"Yet suppose further. Suppose that all worlds, all universes, met at a single nexus, a single pylon, a Tower. And within it, a stairway, perhaps rising to the Godhead itself. Would you dare climb to the top, gunslinger? Could it be that somewhere above all of endless reality, there exists a room?...
You dare not."
And in the gunslinger's mind, those words echoed: You dare not.
--
David's eyes looked up at the ceiling, absorbing this information. His wife had loved this book. She had read it over and over again. It was tattered at the edges, and the spine was severely creased. A few pages had fallen out, but he had taped them up, refusing to buy a new copy. His wife's hands had touched this book, caressed it, enjoyed it. He could see why. He had fallen in love with the gunslinger also.
He and his daughter had moved into the house only a week ago. He was still accustomed to his old surroundings. He just remembered that they did have a wood shed, far back on the property, hidden by an old giant oak tree. He had bought the house from a pleasant old man who had given him a full tour.
Almost.
He did not bother to show him the shed.
When David mentioned it, the old man just looked at him with sudden dead eyes and simply said "Nothing in there. Nothing for you to see." He had just chalked it up to old age and an addled mind.
He had not gone back there in the past week, either because he hadn't gotten a chance to, or because he didn't want to.
He froze. He dropped the book onto the bed, pushed the covers off, and leapt out of bed. The book fell onto the floor. Something had alarmed him.
===========
He walked into his daughters bedroom, checking on her.
She wasn't in bed. She was nowhere in the room. His heart turned cold for a moment, and he ran down the stairs to find her. The back door was wide open.
He ran into the backyard, cursing himself for not installing any sort of lighting back there. All he could see was by moonlight, and he headed in the direction of the woodshed. He had never run so fast in his life. His little girl was out there, alone, he was sure of it. The yard suddenly seemed huge, and he felt like he was running, but was getting nowhere.
He finally saw the woodshed, and his daughter. She was walking slowly towards it, a few feet away now, her tiny arm outstretched, reaching for the door. The shed loomed over her, somehow magnified in the moonlight. It looked huge. He sprinted the last 10 yards between them, and scooped up his daughter in his arms.
"Daddy...."
"Baby, what are you doing? You know you're not supposed to go outs...."
The words died on his lips. The door to the woodshed was open slightly, and was creaking slowly back and forth. He heard a soft, low hiss coming from inside. The hairs on his arms stood straight up, and his legs had become very weak.
"Daddy, daddy, its a snake, can we keep it?"
He said nothing. He was terrified. He did not know why. He turned around and began running towards the house, never looking back. He dared not. He felt something chasing him, and it was getting closer and closer to him. He ran faster, his daughter bouncing in his arms, her tiny little mouth laughing, thinking it was a game.
It was not. Whatever was in there had frightened him badly, worse than any monster he could have dreamed up in his childhood.
Except this monster did not live under his bed.
When he got back inside, he locked the door, checked it again, and went upstairs to tuck his daughter in.
"Daddy, the snake is my friend. He said my name."
"Gwen, there's no snake in there. It was probably just the wind blowing through some old boards." He reassured her, and himself.
"Ok daddy. I love you."
"I love you too, baby. Now go to sleep."
He smiled, pushed her hair back from her smooth forehead, and kissed her on the cheek.
He walked back to his room, laid in bed and continued reading, but not before making sure his closet door was closed. It was silly, but it made him feel better.
---
"The greatest mystery the universe offers is not life but size. Size encompasses life, and the Tower encompasses size. The child, who is most at home with wonder, says: Daddy, what is above the sky? And the father says: The darkness of space. The child: What is beyond space? The father: The galaxy. The child: Beyond the galaxy? The father: Another galaxy. The child: Beyond the other galaxies? The father: No one knows.
---
He fell asleep with the book on his chest.
The next evening, he lay in bed, his daughter securely tucked away, and his mind wandered. It wandered to the shed, and what was in there. He could not sleep, and cursed himself for not going to check the shed during the day. He felt silly for acting like this. It was as if he was twelve years old again, and he could not control his imagination. He felt stupid for thinking there was something in there.
But he had to go.
He had to see.
He got his shoes on, tied his shoelaces shakily, and put his jacket on. He walked out the back door, the moon now gone, leaving a black silhouette in the sky. He turned the flashlight on and began the march to the back of his property. His property. The wood shed and everything in it were his. He took comfort in that small power, giving him back his nerve.
The door was wide open this time, pushed open by the wind, no doubt. He looked inside, and pointed his flashlight in every corner. Nothing. He took a deep breath and walked inside. He pushed some cobwebs out of his face, and shined the light over the old, dusty work bench. There were a few rusty tools on it, but nothing else. He breathed a sigh of relief and chuckled to himself, feeling stupid for having such thoughts.
There was nothing in here.
Nothing at all.
He closed the door to the shed, and secured the latch. Nothing could get out now. Or back in.
He began walking back to the house, his flashlight swinging on the strap around his wrist.
Once again he froze. Something was wrong. He had left the back door of the house open, and a sense of dread washed over him. He began sprinting towards the house, and through the door.
He didn't notice the black marks on the door, nor the ones on the floor. It was as if something had walked through there, its feet scorching the floor with every deliberate step. If he had visited the shed during the day, he would have noticed the same marks all over the work table, the walls, and especially the door. It liked to leave the shed.
He ran like a wild man up the stairs towards his daughter's bedroom. He tripped, cracked his knee, and kept going, ignoring the pain.
"Gweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnn"
The hissing sound coming from his daughters room almost made his eyes roll into the back of his head. His entire body was shaking now uncontrollably and he ran like a man possessed into his daughters room.
The creature had one claw like arm wrapped tightly around his daughters wrist. She lay there, sleeping, smiling, dreaming.
She did not know.
It turned it's reptilian head slowly towards David, the eyes large and black, and hissed at him. It reminded him of something he had seen on the Discovery channel.
A komodo dragon.
A very large one.
And it was in his daughters room.
It was going to harm her.
All fear abandoned him, and his eyes turned cold and narrowed.
----
"Have you come with your chosen weapon?"
"I have."
"What is your weapon?" This was the teacher's advantage, his chance to adjust his plan of battle to the sling or spear or bah or bow.
"My weapon is David."
----
David grabbed the small lamp from his daughters dresser and swung it with all his might. He cracked the creature across the face, shattering the small lamp. The creature howled in pain and leapt at him. Gwen had come awake now, and began screaming.
David grappled with the monster, trying to keep its razor sharp claws away from his throat. The creature was incredibly strong, but David had also become a monster. A terrifying one. He had only one thought. To protect his daughter. His baby.
With this newfound strength flowing through his body, David wrestled the creature to the ground. Its back legs continued kicking at him, clawing, ripping flesh from his stomach. His arms were longer, however, and the creature could not reach its target. It relentlessly clawed at his arms, ripping deep wounds into his flesh.
---
The guns were empty and they boiled at him, transmogrified into an Eye and a Hand, and he stood, screaming and reloading, his mind far away and absent, letting his hands do their reloading trick. Could he hold up a hand, tell them he had spent a thousand years learning this trick and others, tell them of the guns and the blood that had blessed them? Not with his mouth. But his hands could speak their own tale.
---
David wrapped his fingers tightly around the creatures throat and squeezed. His eyes flared and a roar escaped his lips, resounding throughout the room, a war cry that shook the very foundations of the house itself.
He was a warrior.
He ignored the hot, searing pain in his abdomen, and crushed the creatures throat. The creature slowly abated its attack, and its limbs slumped to the floor, the large black eyes glazing over, one last hiss escaping its throat. David continued squeezing, his knuckles turning white, his eyes ablaze with fury.
He was master.
"Daddy" His daughter said to him softly. This snapped him out of his rage. He looked up at her, her huge brown eyes terrified and flowing with tears.
His face softened, and he got up off of the ground, checking to make sure the creature would not get up. He walked over to his daughters bed and she cringed from him. He was covered in blood, but he was still her father. He grabbed her to his chest and hugged her, tears now flowing down his face.
"Daddy, I don't want to keep the snake anymore." She whispered to him.
"I know, baby, I know. It's ok. I'll buy you a puppy. I promise." He said to her, his tears cascading down his face and onto her golden hair.
User Reviews
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-04-19 07:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome man.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-12-07 21:37:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I came up with the title.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-07 21:24:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
UberMethod: fuckin queer
Auto response from TigrePaper: Back at three
UberMethod signed off at 2:53:04 PM.
-
No more +2 for you nigger.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-10-05 22:58:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think this is my favorite post of yours.
Submitted by brad at 2004-05-20 00:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Before I even read like three paragraphs you get a +2 for the reference to one of the greatest book series of all time- The Dark Tower series rules all.
Definitely a Kicker of All Ass.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-19 23:46:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
or roxors, or however you kiddies spell your quaint uber slang
dork!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-05-19 23:45:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yayyyyy georgie
this post roxers
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-05-19 17:39:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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