Can You Feel It? (1824 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.52 on 95 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uber Madness 2004 (View user info) at 2004-04-09 22:10:16 EDT
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Entry 1
For as long as Kate could remember she wanted to dance. She was born with the soothing rhythm of music pumping through her veins, a steady beat made her subconsciously sway her hips this-a-way and that, and she could always be caught mindlessly drumming her fingers or tapping her foot ("tap-a tap-a tap-a" comments Little Vicky in "The Simpsons").But Kate couldn't dance. The musical blood that did indeed mambo through her veins had no sturdy tempo, her hips swayed out of time with those steady beats, and the tapping of her fingers and feet was always off-cadence. She couldn't dance; she had no rhythm. She heard the music, but she couldn't feel it, and no one had the heart to tell her because she loved dancing so damn much and was oblivious to her handicap. So she continued to flop around like a fish out of water at clubs much to the dismay of her friends; she continued to flap her arms like useless chicken wings, and she jumped up and down to the beat of a different drum instead of the obvious thump of the bass pulsing out of over-sized speakers.
"One day I'll be a famous dancer," Kate gushed to her friends. "I'll have my own marquee. People will come from miles around just to see ME. I'll even have a stage name." Her eyes twinkled, clouding over as she sunk deeper and deeper into her unachievable fantasy.
"Yes, Kate." Her friends would smile and nod. Kate would never feel the heat of stage lamps beaming down on her; she'd never have sweat trickle down the back of her neck from stage anxiety; she'd never shield her eyes from the brightness of the spotlight so that she might see the thousands of people in the audience because she'd never be on stage. Not for dancing. Kate couldn't dance.
It was a fateful day at her usual club that Kate was approached by a man who told her he was a talent scout. He boasted shaggy hair, a devil's goatee, and a handlebar mustache, a regular Colonel Sanders aside from the large round aviators that covered his eyes and his scrawny, emaciated limbs that stuck out of his baggy clothing like sticks. He introduced himself as Marty.
"I must say, you are the most beautiful woman at this club," Marty told her as he handed her his card. "You have exactly the looks I'm lookin' for, and if you have the time I'd love for you to come audition to be a regular dancer at my club."
Kate blushed humbly. Could this be real? Could her dreams be unfolding before her very eyes?
Marty put his arm around Kate's shoulder and made an arch with his free hand to paint a visual. "Picture this, kid. Lights. Red ones. Blue ones. Black ones." Frantically he pointed around in the air where the lights should be in Kate's day dream. "A stage. And you. Just you, dancing, people cheering for you, crowding up to the stage to be near you, to be near--say, what's your name, kid?"
"Kate," she replied solemnly, absolutely dazzled by the vision playing out before her.
"Now that just won't do. You're much too spectacular. Sparkling, even! Your stage name will be Diamond!" Kate gasped. Her very own stage name! "Can you feel it, Diamond? Music throbbing, people wanting you, NEEDING you. You could be a star, kid!"
She was completely engulfed in greed now, drowning in this man's fantastic promises of fame, walking side by side with him through the glam and glitz he described. She wanted it. She wanted it all. And she told him so, eagerly telling him she'd be there for the audition, that she wouldn't miss it for the world. How could she pass up such an opportunity?
As soon as Marty disappeared into the sea of bobbing heads on the dance floor, Kate ran to find her friends. How excited they'd be for her. How happy they'd be, and yet so envious at the same time. She had an audition to be famous; she had a date with destiny. In a single breath she rambled out the entire story to the shocked and confused faces of her friends. Silence followed, glances were exchanged. How did Kate get an audition to dance at a club? This couldn't be right because Kate couldn't dance. Nevertheless her friends congratulated her, and promised that once she made it past the audition they'd be there for her opening night, confident that there would be no opening night because there was no way Kate could make it past the audition - Kate couldn't dance.
They furrowed their brows deeper in confusion on the day Kate called to say that she had gotten hired to dance for Marty's new club. Her audition had gone off without a hitch, and she reminded them of their promises to be at opening night. They hated the idea of seeing their friend become the laughing stock of an up and coming club, but there's also something tempting about the idea of seeing someone make a fool of herself, so reluctantly they told her a promise is a promise and they'd be there.
Backstage on opening night, a drop of sweat trickled down the back of Kate's neck from stage anxiety. It would be her first time since her 4th grade class play that she'd been on stage. Nervously she adjusted the sequins of her skimpy costume and wiped away that pesky drop of sweat. Tonight she would astonish.
The music was thumping as she stepped confidently out on to the stage bathed in blue light. Beer bottles were clinking, people were cheering, rock music was blaring, and so "Diamond" Kate started dancing. Can you feel it? Oh, yeah, she could feel it, and it was a feeling that made her beam with happiness. They were screaming. They were screaming for HER, and she was dancing for them.
Kate's friends watched in amazement as she lumbered clumsily around the stage in what appeared to be some sort of dance. A combination of The Sprinkler and The Shopping Cart, a butchered version of The Hustle tossed in with bits and pieces of the Electric Slide, perhaps? And was that the Hokey Pokey?
Their amazement escaladed as Kate ripped off her top.
Ah, the only "professional dancers" who don't necessarily have to have the ability to dance well. The secret society of stuffing dollar bills into panties and topless dancing. Kate had become a stripper, but at least she had achieved her dream of becoming a dancer....oh, the irony. She melted into the sounds of drunken cheers as she awkwardly swung herself around the stage pole, and at last, she could feel it.
- VS -
Entry 2
January."Can you feel it Eve?"
"No, not yet doctor."
"Ok, let me try varying the output frequency."
"Oh. There it is. It kinda tickles my hand, Doctor Anaconda."
"That's your nerves getting used to the signals of the transmitter. I'm going to adjust the sideband frequencies. What's better one... or two? One? Or two?"
"One feels a bit cold, two is definitely better."
"Ok, how about three... or four? Three? Or four?"
"Uh... Three is a little bit better than four."
"Excellent. Your Personal Radio Implant frequency is 8.534 Mhz. I've written it down on your prescription sheet and here are the manuals for you PRI. You have to make sure that the system you get is Fuji compatible. I highly recommend you stop by our peripherals shop here at Eden Hospital. We have a large selection of receiver units and accessories that are guaranteed to work well with your implant."
"I can't wait to use it, my cell phone has Fuji-PRI compatibility. I can't wait to show the girls! They are going to be so jealous."
"Now before you can use the PRI as a two way communicator, you have to get used to it and for fastest results I recommend getting a Cypress Knowledge 470 Trainer. Your next calibration is due next year."
"Ok, thank you Doctor."
June.
Ever since Eve got her PRI and now she can't imagine life without it. Keys are a thing of the past for her, her car starts automatically when she gets near it; the door to her house is securely locked until she opens it by simply pushing her way through. She feels a bit sorry for her husband, but it's his own fault for not getting an implant.
All her friends have ported up and they can now send each other messages without even moving. At first she fumbled with PRImal Codec, but now its second nature to message someone. She rarely needs to even speak to her friends anymore; all the communication is done through their PRI's using PRImal. Once Eve subscribed to the Cypress Router Service that connects her directly to the internet, she donated her now useless computer to the local school. She can telecommute to work from anywhere in the world. She's never felt more connected and alive in her life.
Adam never trusted the PRI technology. It just seems inherently wrong. Why anyone would want to put some kind of transceiver under the skin on the back of their hand is beyond him. Ever since Eve got that thing put in, she's seemed happy, but he's slowly watched his wife deteriorate physically. She's given up yoga and her once tan and athletic body has become soft and pale. She rarely leaves the house and Adam thinks she'd forget to eat if he wasn't around. She has virtually given up speaking to anyone who doesn't have a PRI. When she does speak, she goes on and on about her Fuji this, her Cypress that. On the rare chance that they make love, she is always distracted and he's sure she's talking to someone through that infernal device.
Playing the latest game. Going on the popular PRI-link of the day. PRImal. Ported up. PRI controls. PRI enabled cars, subways, and vending machines. It's all a big mess of stupid jargon that doesn't make any sense. He can barely comprehend the addiction that she has embraced so willingly. He still loves her and he longs for her to return to his world, but she's caught up in her electronic world.
Its like Eve is gone, and PRI-8.543Mhz is all that's left.
October.
"Can you feel it, Adam?"
"Yes, Doctor. It's kinda like a warm buzzing."
Entry 1:
Ainkara
Anjie
AshK
Awko
bart
Bigmike
bob
EatMeCompletely
gascs
Genko
godking
Heimdallsman
Herpes
intellismartness
Kristen
littledan
lizadoolittle
loki
Luckystar
lush
Mr_Insanity
NerfHerder
ohlookasquirrel
PinkyG
polyamorousaj
Scott_James
socialdropout
speeddaimon
The.Masked.Assailant
ugaly
volklcess
whataefag
William_Q_Percy
Yes
29 eligible votes (34 total) *
Entry 2:
AlwaysAnEagle
antluvdog
bargled
beer-turtle
BLITZKREIG_BOB
catscradle
Chronic
coley
creep_firebombing
Darshiscool
Deisangua
DraconianKing
drink_DDT
engine13
enraged_baboon
Falconer
fell-8-me
fionavar
griffsrgr8
iamhewhoisnot
iddqd
JohnGalt
Judoka
jwlmar10
kimmy02721
legallady
Method
mystiamoon
nyagoc
Papajoe
Phinch
potatomanjack
quack
Razor
satchel
shark25
sharpie
Slypher
spedmonkey
SpikeGoddess
steph
T.chow
TaK
tammy
Titinita
tmofw
transcendent
triliad
vildy
wijormiclat
WillZone
wlmk06
yidele
YouLookLikeINeedADrink
Zod
43 eligible votes (55 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by lizadoolittle (user info) at 2004-04-13 19:18:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
#2 was creative, too, because of the sci-fi aspect.
I preferred the natural story of the dancing--we can all relate to that.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-04-13 13:48:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't like either one
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2004-04-13 12:36:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by PinkyG (user info) at 2004-04-13 00:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by nyagoc (user info) at 2004-04-12 23:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by gascs (user info) at 2004-04-12 19:10:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked both of these.
Submitted by godking (user info) at 2004-04-12 18:01:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by transcendent (user info) at 2004-04-12 17:13:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-04-12 16:01:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-04-12 15:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Seems like #1 was basing itself on a twist at the end, but it was predictable from the beginning. #2 was interesting.
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-04-12 14:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2004-04-12 14:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-04-12 11:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-04-12 11:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-04-12 11:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by speeddaimon (user info) at 2004-04-12 09:49:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
funny but predictable
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-04-12 09:47:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by whataefag (user info) at 2004-04-12 08:56:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One was predictable, but fun ... two was creative but not well done.
So I vote 1 coz it was all around better written.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-12 03:29:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2 was more interesting to me.
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2004-04-12 00:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
meh.
--HeimdallsMan
Submitted by sharpie (user info) at 2004-04-11 23:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
two was fuckin sweet. I want to read more about this.... Please continue the stories after the Madness is over.
-adam
Submitted by YouLookLikeINeedADrink (user info) at 2004-04-11 22:34:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by T.chow (user info) at 2004-04-11 22:29:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-04-11 22:27:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck, these are getting hard to judge. 2 creeped me the fuck out in an not-completely-subliminal way.
I had to vote for 2, but 1 had me laughing out loud just picturing a chick up on stage doing the running man and the cabbage-patch while riding the donkey and throwing her top into the crowd.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-04-11 19:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2004-04-11 19:06:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Darshiscool (user info) at 2004-04-11 18:50:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats awesome. Original as a 3rd grader's rendition of their mother.
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-04-11 18:37:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-04-11 18:15:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good posts.
Submitted by TaK (user info) at 2004-04-11 16:37:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry 2 RoXorS my BoXors
Submitted by Mr_Insanity (user info) at 2004-04-11 15:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2004-04-11 09:53:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment.... Or is there?
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2004-04-11 09:53:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by socialdropout (user info) at 2004-04-11 06:29:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Twisted...
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-04-11 05:44:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ooh, I liked it.
Creepy and entirely plausible.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-04-11 03:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-04-11 03:18:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-04-10 22:26:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2004-04-10 21:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great scott.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-04-10 21:20:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by triliad (user info) at 2004-04-10 21:03:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This might be a little premature, but I don't think that any harm was done by that user, because it was an honest mistake and that user made a clear effort to correct the mistake as soon as possible. Razor, if you're taking a poll, my vote is no sanctions.
Submitted by triliad (user info) at 2004-04-10 20:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2 was a bit awkward, but 1 didn't really seem to fit the title.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-04-10 19:44:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just so everyone knows, one of the authors on this post emailed me about a comment:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/29927#470934
They thought they were not logged in when they left the comment. At their request, I changed that comment (and the one after it) to be anonymous.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-04-10 19:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by wlmk06 (user info) at 2004-04-10 18:34:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2004-04-10 17:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-04-10 17:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-04-10 17:32:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry 2, ALL THE WAY!
Entry 1 wasn't *that* bad, but it was pretty obvious. Entry 2 is just awesome on so many levels, because it references not just the creation story, but also the idea of having to receive some kind of "mark" in order to participate in society like it says in the Book of Revelation. AND it speaks to the current dependence on technology that we all experience. Good job, and I hope you win!
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-04-10 17:13:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by vildy (user info) at 2004-04-10 15:06:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by The.Masked.Assailant (user info) at 2004-04-10 14:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-04-10 14:01:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-04-10 14:00:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-04-10 13:50:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-04-10 13:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-04-10 13:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the first one was too predictable.
the second was... interesting
Submitted by Awko (user info) at 2004-04-10 12:40:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-04-10 12:32:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2004-04-10 12:26:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-04-10 12:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh... stripper wins... i guess...
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-10 12:12:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
BART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-10 12:09:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What should I do differently next time to improve the story?
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2004-04-10 11:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't like either all that much, but I felt like #2 could have gone somewhere, but it just kind of stopped. So I picked #1.
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2004-04-10 11:18:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-04-10 11:15:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
both were very clever, but 1 seemed more complete
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-04-10 11:07:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-04-10 10:58:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-04-10 10:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2004-04-10 09:23:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lesser of two evils...
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-04-10 09:06:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-04-10 08:37:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If my name were Adam, I would NEVER date a chick named Eve.
Submitted by lookatthestarsaboveyou <fush_n_chups.at.msn.com> at 2004-04-10 05:22:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it has my name in it!!! yes and i cant dance either! so i think its great. At least i now know that i have some kinfd of a future out there.
Submitted by enraged_baboon (user info) at 2004-04-10 04:49:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
die
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2004-04-10 04:37:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Slypher (user info) at 2004-04-10 03:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2004-04-10 03:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I thought the bible references in #2 were GHEY.
But I almost fell asleep reading #1.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-04-10 03:01:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tmofw (user info) at 2004-04-10 02:41:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2004-04-10 01:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tammy (user info) at 2004-04-10 01:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-04-10 01:10:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry 2 is the kicker of all ass.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-04-10 00:57:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked #2, but it was a bit underdeveloped.
Oh and I'm pretty sure strippers still need to be good dancers. Not that I'd know or anything.... uhh.... *runs*
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-04-10 00:53:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so-so
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-04-10 00:52:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
tough to call, but 2 had it
-Turtle
Submitted by fionavar (user info) at 2004-04-10 00:46:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very creative, and unusual!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-04-10 00:40:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Papajoe (user info) at 2004-04-10 00:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both stories were good, but I'm a sucker for sci-fi.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-04-09 23:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2 could have been much better.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-09 23:15:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-04-09 23:11:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-09 23:02:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
bleh...
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-04-09 23:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Cool. Sci Fi good.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-04-09 22:54:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by griffsrgr8 (user info) at 2004-04-09 22:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Chronic (user info) at 2004-04-09 22:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Both were very well written, but at this stage of the competition, that should be expected. I saw entry 1's ending coming a mile away, so all the build up was for naught. Entry 2 was good, with a good premise and deterioration of situation. My vote goes to 2.