They've Created a MONSTER (595 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: work
Rating: 1.28 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by corn_nugget (View user info) at 2004-04-10 20:44:09 EDT
I am bored with my job... so I've taken on the roll of "smart-ass" with customers, just to see how people react.
Since I'm a Social Science major, I can just say I'm doing a little study. How cocky can I be before someone gets mad?
Well, pretty cocky, apparantly. Here are some fun/stupid things I say to customers... the reaction is always the same.
They give me a blank stare while the gears in ther minds churn away at trying to figure me out... is this girl being a bitch or joking? Is she an asshole or a comedian? Their faces contort- eyes squint, brows knit, mouths form tight lines, lips quiver in anticipation of their defense of themselves... then I say, (with a wink and a nod) "ha, just playin'..." and then I start being nice. At which point their bodies seem to melt with relief, the blood drains from their faces, and they smile.
Yay, I win.
Customer: "Are these all the Palm Pilots you have?"
Corn_Nugget: "no, the cool ones are keep hidden in the back room, why?"
Customer: "Do you know anything about batteries?"
Corn_Nugget: "Yeah, who doesn't?"
Customer: "How many minutes are on a $20 phone card."
Corn_Nugget: "well, it's .25 cents a minute, just do the math."
Customer: "uhh..."
Corn_Nugget: "Uhh... 80? Four times 20 is 80." (this is particularly funny to me since I'm TERRIBLE at math, and it took me a LONG time to figure out how many minutes were on a card... so I crack up at the thought that I rip on someone for something I'd be too stupid to figure out, too)
Customer: "are you the cordless phone expert?"
Corn_Nugget: "did the security guy at the door tell you to ask me that?" (knowing full well that he didn't)
Customer: "No, why?"
Corn_Nugget: "oh, because EVERYONE says that, I must hear it 40 times a day..."
Customer: "ah... do... you... have..... uh... what's that movie... uh...." (while they are rubbing their heads, trying to remember).
Corn_Nugget: "Nope, sorry."
Customer: "where are the cashiers?" (my department is RIGHT in front of the cashiers)
Corn_Nugget: "you're kidding, right?" (said with a blank stare on MY part)
Customer: "uh... no?"
Corn_Nugget looks at the registers, and then back at the customer. Customer looks at the registers and back at me. I point to the sign that says "CHECKOUT", and smile. (this is also extremely mean of me to do, since obviously it's a design flaw in the store... nobody EVER sees the registers... but I try to make all the customers feel like THEY are particularly stupid.)
Customer: "What's the difference between this Sony and RCA?"
Corn_Nugget: "What's the difference between a Sable and a Taurus?" (this is pretty dumb, I'll admit... but I say it ALL of the time... because, for the most part, brand differences are MINIMAL, and it's really a personal preference, and when I say THAT, the customer doesn't seem to believe me, and my stupid car comparrison seems to quite them down).
And my FAVORITE thing to do:
Customer: (upset with our return policy and starting to speak loud) "I do NOT agree with this at all..."
Corn_Nugget: (exaggeratedly defencive) "SIR, CALM DOWN!"
Customer: (in a normal voice, because he's afraid of looking irrate and irrational, I assume) "It's only been 33 days since I purchased this damn thing."
Corn_Nugget: "SIR, if you don't stop swearing at me, I'll have to ask you to leave."
Customer: "Argh. Jesus."
Corn_Nugget: (eyes opened wide, and in a warning tone-of-voice) "siiirrr....."
****
Whenver someone calls, I have the annoying (although very amusing for me) habit of mimicing how they are talking.
Customer: "um HI... uh... do you have Ipods?"
Corn_Nugget: "um YES... uh... do you want one?"
****
User Reviews
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-04-12 00:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sound like a hardcore beeyotch.
Oh wait, you ARE one, maybe thats why.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-04-11 21:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What, Herp... is that your revenge for me rating your old posts?
Oh no!! Anything but that! Please please please...
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-11 15:03:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm bored....
Can I camp here?
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-04-11 14:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
IHKF, you alread +0ed it earlier (with "no comment", too, by the way... which, makes no sense whatsoever)
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-04-11 13:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 Just because Corn Nugget wrote it.
Submitted by cwl989 (user info) at 2004-04-11 12:12:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I love to do that at my job too. Those fools always ask me how the ice cream is made, or whats in it, like I know.
I usually just respond by saying chocolate.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-11 02:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-04-11 01:48:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uhh.... i haven't looked down so slap me if i'm a dumbass (so it's a necessity to slap me) you sound like you work at Best Buy or Circuit City.
I used to work at a Circuit City and they would always ask me where the Games were. I would point to the Giant "Games" sign and say "see that sign?" customer: "yeah?" Me "Right underneath it" Customer *cue dirty look* "oh thanks"
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-04-10 23:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So you idiots are the ones pissing me off!
I just wanna buy stuff like W tol me to.
Youall make it too hard
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-04-10 22:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Flak (user info) at 2004-04-10 21:49:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-10 21:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What with the spelling errors, I couldn't give this anything over a 1.
Submitted by BonesForBucks (user info) at 2004-04-10 21:19:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They were all pretty good, but the cordless phone expert one and the last one absolutely killed me. Reminds me of me when I worked at Zaxby's.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-04-10 21:12:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Best Buy is to blame for the creation of the Monster Corn Nugget.
Why am I always too damn lazy to proof-read/spell-check? "quite" should (of course) be QUIET.
Submitted by slowlyrotting (user info) at 2004-04-10 21:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i hate customers. not just stupid ones, all of them. i just want your money. then shutup and go away.
Submitted by shadowdragon (user info) at 2004-04-10 21:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so just who are these "creators" of this "monster"?
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-10 21:05:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very very funny, I do the same mocking thing on the phone too.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-04-10 20:56:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment