Wrong Way (585 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Brandon Fabish <brandino_the_great.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-04-12 14:48:20 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
Wrong Way - based on a true story
My head was pumping with an excruciating headache, and felt as if it was being inflated like a balloon. My vision was blurry, and I could barely discern anything. My limbs ached, and my muscles felt tired; every time my heart beat I could feel it up against my chest, as well as in my head. I lay there on the ground not knowing where I was.
I started to roll over onto my stomach, so I could peel myself off of the earth, when a hand appeared before my cataract-stricken eyes. I blinked a few times and raised my head slightly upwards in a vain attempt to see who was offering to help me up, but all I saw was a low-resolution body being smeared by a nuclear blast-like shockwave.
Nevertheless I took its hand and within the blink of an eye I was suddenly on my feet and standing. My vision was shockingly clear, and my body no longer felt fatigued.
"Where am I?" I asked the thing smiling in front of me.
"Well, you're in Luck my fellow schmuck," it replied in a sing-songy voice.
"Why is that? Do you have some good news to tell me?" I asked it, curious as to what sort of luck I might be in now.
"I have brought forth no news for you to use."
"Then what sort of luck am I in?"
"You are in Luck with the rest of us schmucks. Look over there and give it a stare."
The thing pointed to its right and indeed I did stare. A vast city full of critters flowed before my bulging eyes. They were hairy, just like the one before me, and I couldn't make out any distinct features other then them being small and round. They looked like group of ragged brains, all strewn with yarn and tossed into a dumpster, forgotten, like yesterdays garbage and tomorrows dreams.
"What's that?"
"What is what?"
"That place off to your right; what is it?"
"But I've already told you. I've said it once now make that two. You are in Luck. A place smothered in Knowledge and surrounded by muck. All around Luck is Wrong Ways and Phuck."
"Hmm. So what do you call yourself; your species, I mean?"
"I am me, a schmuck as well as all, we move with only our legs, as fast as a crawl. Behind us, in Luck, you will find infinite Knowledge, just ask a schmuck and he'll share with you its pledge."
"This isn't making any sense. I am not a schmuck. Everything you say rhymes without reason. Your words are all wrong like snow out of season."
"Ahh, a schmuck you are unknowingly. Embellish your sentences more flowingly. Now a pledge is a schmucks desire to share its mind, while even a sentence makes one feel kind. And what is this making of sense that you speak, for sense cannot be made it can merely be seeked."
"I'll take my chances with a Phucking Wrong Way, so long as I'm not here to stay."
"Choose your path wisely you ignorant schmuck, for nothing will help you once outside of Luck. Farewell to you and all you do."
And just like that the schmuck was gone. This mysterious land of Luck surrounded by muck, overlapped in Wrong Ways and Phuck was something I was not yet ready to deal with. I was only a few steps on my way when I heard something flapping nearby. I looked up just in time to see a clock hovering overhead.
It flapped its wings faster and faster until it resembled a hummingbird. I looked upwards and noticed the sky growing darker. It turned from a pale blue into a darker green, which then melted into a vicious purple night-light sprinkled with stars. I suddenly realized that time was flying, and then in a flash the clock went away.
I didn't know what to think at the time, but my only thoughts were mine within my mind. Out here in the desert, alone, I felt tired and unwilling to go on. I thought that I might have made the wrong decision not staying in Luck, but I can't dwell on regrets.
While still searching for a sign of Wrong Ways and Phuck I saw that same clock drooped over a tree branch. It wasn't ringing anymore. It was melting, seeping down to the ground, stretched out and warped, like a wad of silly putty. Such is Life, I thought.
Sometimes Life doesn't make sense. Everything happens for a reason, but maybe the schmuck was right, and sense can't be made. Thinking back, I don't remember actually making sense out of anything, ever.
I realized that the schmuck was much wiser than I had first presupposed. Although it did talk in rhymes, it certainly seemed to seek a lot more sense then anything else around here. Just as that thought was popping synapses in my brain, a horse-like creature stampeded by me. It was riding another creature that looked like a sloth combined with a wildebeest.
The slothebeest made a noise while whizzing past. "Phuuuuuuuunk," it cried, reared up, and then sunk straight down into some muck. I assumed I must be on the right path, at least going by what the schmuck told me.
Sometimes it's the little things in Life that make people realize just how simple they have it. Even if nothing seems to be seeking sense, just wait a little longer, and sense will come.
Past the muck and avoiding the sporadic Phuck, I traveled on. Clouds were forming in the sky. Big, lustrous, colorful clouds were shifting into something. I kept on my way, but was looking up all the while, searching for something to seek sense. A dust storm came and I had to close my eyes. I stooped down close to the ground to avoid being blown away.
Soon the storm passed, and I dusted myself off then looked towards the sky for answers. The sky was shifting colors, and once again, nothing seeked sense anymore. The stars danced together, and shined brighter then ever. As nighttime fell down like the closing curtains in a theatre, I decided to sleep. Things would be easier if I just slept. Maybe I'll sleep for eternity, that way I won't have to seek sense out of any of this.
I realized that the schmucks in Luck with their Knowledge were the only thing that seeked sense. So I fixed my eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
User Reviews
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2004-12-05 19:53:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-05-18 07:26:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
After reading "The Phantom Tollbooth" again, I realized this WAS a fucking rip-off. Unbeknownst to me, I thought I was merely taking a note or two from it, when in reality it seems like nearly a direct parody.