Religious Bumperstickers Saved My Soul!! (735 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.55 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TripinDayZ (View user info) at 2004-04-12 17:31:50 EDT
I have been on uber for about a month or so now, maybe a little longer. I love this place. It is one of the best sites I have encountered. My wife and I like to write (she writes all styles, I mainly stick to the ones that suck <see user info>)and I was very eager to show her this site. The uberworld is such a perfect microcosm of our world full of sex kittens, assholes, geniuses, retards, and everything in between. Anyway, just wanted to let the regs out there know, don't give up on this site. Even with the infiltration of complete shit that has bombarded uber as of late. In only being here for such a short time, I am amazed at the number of people I would love to just hang out and bullshit with. There are some real class acts out there.
With that cornucopia of ass kissing out of the way, I'd like to submit for your approval my wifes first uber post. It's just a short little essay for her English class.
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Every time I drive down any busy road, I find myself eternally grateful for all the good Christians out there who are trying to save my soul. From the simple reminders that Jesus loves the hell out of us to the reassurance that I can take a nap while driving (because Jesus is my co-pilot), I feel confident that these bumper bibles will save me. These kind people have gone out of their way to purchase and place these motivational messages on their vehicles to help save all of the unbelieving masses. I realize that without the kind Christians and their motor missionary work I would be a lost soul. I would have never learned that God is perfect and we are not, that He loves you whether you like it or not, and that His pain is our gain. It has become very obvious that God feels very passionate about this type of ministry. I have even had the honor of being stuck in a traffic jam behind bumper stickers that God himself has signed. He is a very social deity, it seems. He invites folks over to his house before the big game on Sunday and apparently provides daycare, as he asks that we bring the kids.
I am very impressed by the driving skills of these pious people, as well as by their dedication to getting their message to me. How these incredible Christians even know my soul's status is beyond me, but they find their way into my path each and every day to give me my daily dose of devotional reading. They lie in wait at intersections, alleyways and in driveways, and just before I reach their location, they quickly pull in front of me, their brilliant bumper message before me for my reading delight. They are even considerate enough to slow down so that I might more readily read their vehicular virtue.
It has become quite a convenience in my life to have all of these wonderful bumper stickers floating around, preaching God's purpose on every street and highway. I no longer have to attend church on a regular basis; rather just take a leisurely Sunday drive. I do find that some of them have a great sense of humor as well. With their judicious use of tiny print, they tease me into driving insane speeds and with complete disregard of traffic etiquette to simply read their sticker. They obviously appreciate the effort, however, as they always point one finger to the sky to show that it's all about God.
I must admit when I first starting driving I didn't really appreciate these devout drivers. I thought they were trying to tell me how to live my life. Eventually, however, I came around to the understanding that they are on a mission of mercy. They have chosen to deface and devalue their vehicle to save my soul. What more could a pagan wish for?
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I thought it to be pretty damn funny, but im sleeping with her so i have to. What do YOU think uber? Don't hold back like you normally do.
User Reviews
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-13 12:06:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-04-13 12:05:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's old news, but the Darwin fish still rules.
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-04-13 11:59:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus Saves! Everyone else roll for damage.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-04-13 11:42:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, thats terrible all right. On the other hand, all of those people buy bumper stickers specifically just to annoy her, so that has to make her feel pretty special. She thinks thats bad, wait until she has to deal with vegans.
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2004-04-12 18:09:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-04-12 18:04:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That is in the works Malone... thanks for the compliment.
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-04-12 17:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should get her on here more often under her own account. We need a greater influx of well written literature.
Malone
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-04-12 17:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I see 'RELIGION: 7 TRILLION DEATHS AND COUNTING' now and then, but that's about it.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-04-12 17:44:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I saw one to that effect "God loves you but I don't give a fuck, shut up!"
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2004-04-12 17:42:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My favorite priest ever had a bumper sticker that said "Peas are Green" and everyone was always trying to figure it out, even though there was nothing to figure out. I want that bumper sticker.
Submitted by SausageKing (user info) at 2004-04-12 17:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A good subject, but the post could have been fleshed out a little more though. My favourite religous bumper sticker is "Jesus loves you but everyone else thinks you're an asshole"
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-04-12 17:34:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<see above "I sleep with her so I have to" comment>