Death in the family - Part 2, Things discussed at Grandma's and a redneck reunion (539 hits)
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Submitted by FATMANTPK <mark_thiele99.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-04-12 20:07:13 EDT
Part 1 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/29870
I rolled into Benton, Illinois about half past midnight. For anyone that has heard of Benton, I am sorry. If you haven't heard of it, then you are normal and will not need counseling.
In the morning, as Grandma cooked me breakfast of bacon and fried eggs; we smoke cigarettes and we chatted about the late Uncle Jimmy and his heart attack. We Thiele's aren't very good at changing our habits, although it is starting to dawn on us that our eating and other habits are killing us off (Grandpa died in 1997 after battling lung cancer, heart disease and emphysema) .
My uncle Jeff shows up and we hug and of course Grandma makes me remove my shirt to show him my tattoos. We discuss how my parents, driving from Florida, won't be here until later in the day as they refuse to drive after the sun goes down.
Begin Redneck bonding here -
Uncle Jeff has just bought a new riding lawn mower. He has his own landscaping business and does quite well. This mower cost $17,000, but he can write it off as a business expense.
We discuss our trucks.
I brought my 2 pistols with me. I show them to Uncle Jeff, and he drools over the Thompson Contender. He has wanted this gun ever since I bought it 3 years ago.
He wants to go shooting this week. I told him we should wait at least until my Dad arrives, as he will probably want to shoot as well.
Uncle Jeff invites me to go to the bank with him to meet a guy that is buying his Harley. We go to the bank and he meets the guy (for the first time other than speaking on the phone). The guy is $800 short, but has $6700 in cash with him. We go into the bank, use the cash to pay off the loan on the Harley, and the buyer promises to bring the balance due in the next few days. My Uncle retains the Harley and title until the balance is settled. As the buyer walks out of the bank, my Uncle asks, "Do you want a bill of sale or anything?" he replies "No, you look like a trusting guy" and leaves. My Uncle and I look at each other with amazement. The guy drops that much cash and walks out empty-handed, simply trusting someone he just met not to screw him.
So, we go back to Grandma's and wait for my folks to arrive. When they get there, we hug and I am once again prompted to strip off my shirt to show my tat's. Everyone except my mother thinks they look cool. Mom hates tattoos.
We pull out the lawn chairs and sit in the yard and enjoy the nice weather. We discuss everything except Uncle Jimmy (Lots of bad blood between him and everyone else in the world).
The subject turns to marriage, and my Mom says her and my father have a great marriage. 34 years together is a record for my family for that generation (Parents, aunts & uncles...etc). My uncles had several failed marriages, as have my cousins as well as my sister.
Grandma mentions that her & Grandpa were married almost 50 years when he died. The she drops the bombshell when she says "I had him pussy-whipped". Grandma is 74, and no one was expecting that.
My sister mentions she was not attracted to white guys because of the myth that they are not well endowed, and that her current boyfriend of 5 years (after 2 failed marriages, she refuses to marry this guy) was the first to prove her wrong. He chimes in with "I showed her Old Blue and she hasn't looked at a black guy since".
That exchange leads my Uncle to mention an incident from nearly 10 years ago when he had to clean my Grandpa when he was in the hospital as the nurse was no where to be found. He made a comment along the lines of "I got cheated...Grandpa was hung like a horse. Maybe it skips a generation." I assure him it must skip 2 generations, as I am nothing special.
Other Redneck happenings at Grandma's -
Uncle Jeff and I trade firearms. He has wanted one of my pistols ever since I got it. So I trade him for a rifle.
We take turns riding my cousins' dirt bike around the yard, until my sister's boyfriend dumps it and injures his shoulder.
We went to Wal-Mart. Loki was the WalMart greeter.
We have a big BBQ and drink beer.
We discuss how there is nothing but white people in Benton. My uncle mentions he had a guy working for his lawn care business that handed him a letter size manila envelope one day and tells him to read it at home. It was an application for the KKK. My uncle fires the guy the next day. The same guy organizes and speaks at a KKK rally in Benton a few months later, where the redneck crowd booed them (Go figure that one).
Grandma mentions she has the "same warsher " as my sister, to which my sister counters, "No we don't, mine doesn't have the extra R, it's just a washer"
***
Its time for an episode of "Who my baby Daddy?"
I have 2 cousins that look nothing like their fathers, they instead look like there mother's previous husbands. But they have been raised by my Uncles, so I they are family. Its love, not blood that makes family.
That about does it for the interesting points of my trip. I could write forever about Uncle Jimmy, but I have to deal with it personally before I share with Uber.
User Reviews
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2005-04-20 16:39:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ummmm.... Wow.
Sorry.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-04-15 17:51:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Classic.
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2004-04-12 21:50:21 EDT (#)
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Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-04-12 20:37:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i dont have a comment right about now.