I had a friend with benefits, now I don't have a friend at all. (765 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.66 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by griffsrgr8 (View user info) at 2004-04-12 20:09:13 EDT
Everything started out fine. As cliche as it sounds, it "just happened". It wasn't planned, it wasn't on my mind that night at all. It was wild, face smooshed up against the headboard, I never knew I bent that way, I needed a wheelchair to get around the next morning kind of encounter. In other words, it was exactly what I needed.
A little background on my friend...he's someone I did go to high school with, but we never really became friends untill about 3 years ago when we started working together in the same department. There was never any flirtation because, well, he just had a baby with a friend of mine and they were about to be married. Fast forward to her cheating on him and them being divorced a year later. Around that same time I was still depressed and shitty after the breakup of my own relationship(we were living together and engaged), we talked a lot about getting over the past and moving on, blah blah blah. He moved on to becomming a man-whore and I moved on to...well not much.
So after that first night, we didn't talk about it unill exactly a week later when he was taking me home from a friend's house we were at. We were almost to my house when he blurted out, "So, how long were you waiting for that to happen between us?".
I played dumb, "Huh? What the fuck do you mean?".
"You don't have to be embarrassed. Ever since you and that asshole broke up, I know you've wanted it. I'm surprised you haven't tried anything sooner. I was curious about you myself though. I'm surprised you kept up like you did."
What a cocky motherfucker. But damnit if he wasn't right. Now I felt dirty. And ashamed. He's my friend's ex-husband, the father of her child, and I'm thinking about attacking him in his car.
So I did.
This went on for a couple of months. Then things started to get funny. Not haha funny, but funny in the sense of we didn't seem capable of having any kind of conversation without some sexual innuendos or looks. The worst thing though, is that I started getting jealous, which is a definate no-no. I tried to ignore the feeling, chalking it up to I've never been in a friends with benefits relationship, or any type of relationship where it was only sex on the side. Without giving away any details, I asked a friend of mine if he thought I was the kind of girl who can handle a friends with benefits type of relationship. He didn't hesitate to say no. "That's not you."
"Well how do you KNOW it's not me? Maybe it is and I've spent that last couple of years portraying a "good girl" image, and now my inner freak is coming out, and I just have to learn how to deal with it"
He replied, "The fact that you have to ask if someone else thinks you're capable, means you're not."
I guess it started to show. After countless warnings from him, "You have to be cool, I saw you roll your eyes when I was talking to that chick, it doesn't look good when you whisper something in my ear as you're leaving the bar," it just stopped. Not just the sex but everything.
At first I was mad because it was obvious that I was the one that fucked everything up. Then I blamed him. It's so complicated. Then I finally realized I was mad because I had not only messed up our friendship, but I put my friendship with his ex at risk. Her and I are extremely close and I feel Horrible. She does NOT know.
I guess I'm getting what I deserve though. Karma is a bitch. A clear conscience is gold.
User Reviews
Submitted by SumYumGuy (user info) at 2004-04-12 22:08:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ha ha, you're fucked and that makes me laugh
Submitted by griffsrgr8 (user info) at 2004-04-12 20:38:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The only meaningful thing I got out of it, was that I realized I don't know how, or really want to be a slut.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-04-12 20:38:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, you found out something about yourself.
Yeah, friends with benefits is something that not a lot of people can do. The key is that you can't have ANY romantic desires for the other person, and they can't have any for you. It has to be JUST lust and friendship. If you have romantic feelings that aren't reciporacal, then someone is going to get hurt.
Submitted by MoonLover (user info) at 2004-04-12 20:25:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oy vey.
Well, life's lessons are always a bitch to deal with. The hardest part is not being able to talk about what you're going through without coming off like a... well, delusional slut. I feel ya, girl.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/27132
http://www.ubersite.com/m/29062
I hate to say it, but it's probably best... could anything meaningful come from such haphazard lust anyway...?