How to identify a Shifty person (745 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.62 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Aladdin El Salhadin <gaiijinninja.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-04-12 21:04:06 EDT
I have always been known as Shifty, since I was a child people have always said "You're quite shifty arent you lad" and until I reached my early teens I was really pissed of by this, I always lived with honor and dignity and treated people with respect, why would you call me shifty, i was the least deceptive child there was, I was a cherub and they called me shifty, fuckers!.
Firstly I had to find out what Shifty meant exactly so I grabbed my macquarie dictionary and at the age of 16 commited the definition to memory.
Macquarie dictionary defines Shifty as
Shifty: given to or full of evasions, resourceful, furtile in expedients
So I was shifty was I, I had to find out why, what did I do that fell into this catagory and using only things that I personally did, I discovered that I was indeed shifty, the most shifty one that my school, community and family had ever seen.
So without further ado, the 10 most shifty things I personally do that make me into one shifty bastard. and if you possess 1 of these then you are well on your way to becoming one as well, 3 or more and welcome to the organization.
#1 I am from the middle east, regardless of anything else this fact alone seems to prove to a small population that I am not to be trusted, cops interview me without reason and people look at me as if im planning a terrorist attack, my appearence doesnt help the situation which brings me to point #2
#2 I have a crazy fringe and am growing a beard, couple this with the fact that I originate from the middle east and you have people who fear me, its not all bad though, I can walk through dangerous alleyways muttering things in Arabic and people who would usually rob you at a drop of a hat back off and shit themselves in terror, fearing the backlash from an enraged Arabic charecter
#3 I speak Arabic, This makes me shifty after all everyone who speaks Arabic must be shifty but couple with that with the fact that I speak three other languages, Farsi (The native language of Iran), English and Japenese and you have an individual who seems like every second word is a plan to strike the infidel with my wrath
#4 I play with coins, I flip them, roll them along my knuckles and do it almost constantly, on the train, bus, walking, talking, people look at me and then to my hand and just change there mode, they move from friendly to defensive, evidently anyone who plays with coins is shifty
#5 I can do the card springing, sometimes called the russian shuffle, the cards flying from hand to hand is an instant way of identifying a bad guy, infact it is so accurate that in certain tribes in africa the children are given a deck of cards and if they can do it then they are banished alone to the forest to die, look it up
#6 I can wolf whistle, this is just logical deduction, who is the shifties animal in the animal kingdom, if you can perform the whistle of this animal then naturally you possess his shiftiness, simple really
#7 My wink screams shifty, its neither flirtatious or smart, its the kind of wink you give to someone you just dealt drugs to or when your cheating at trumps, its always been that way and for some reason upon winking at anyone I usually get a response in the negative like "What the fuck" and to top it off I am unable to smile, mearly smirk in a superior fashion, its a horrible habit that I have been unable to change and hope to be able to change before my untimely death.
#8 I speak to people in a foreign language when English will suffice, this seems to be the most aggitating thing for spectators, they listen and strain there ears as if somehow Japenese will translate for them, this always leads to someone punching me or going "Your an ass, speak English"
My response is always in a foreign language
#9 I have a shifty nickname, Aladdin, anyone named Aladdin or Jihad or one of those other names is shifty, these names bring up associations in the brain that make us think of the charecter as shifty and everyone knows you cannot escape once a nickname has collared you
#10 I have many relatives, of the top of my head I can think of at least thirty cousins and not to mention close friends who refer to me as family, when you walk down the street and half a dozen people greet you, things seem a bit suspicious
So there you have it, the reason I am a shifty persian Bastard and and if you possess 1 of these then you are well on your way to becoming one as well, 3 or more and welcome to the organization, remember theres no shame in being Shifty and you can get help, that is if anyone trusts you enough to give it to you as opposed to leading them to the desert and killing them for the three dollars in their wallet, you shifty bastard !
User Reviews
Submitted by Jungle_Jimanee (user info) at 2004-10-18 12:42:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-13 11:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-04-13 11:36:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**who is the shifties animal in the animal kingdom**
I'd think the shiftiest animal in the animal kingdom wouldn't be the wolf, it'd be the weasel. Either that or Ted Kennedy.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-04-13 10:54:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahah brilliant
Submitted by Coffeeisgood (user info) at 2004-04-13 10:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ente mumtaza! (Arabic translation: You are the best!)
Submitted by Yesteryear (user info) at 2004-04-12 22:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, I want to see a picture of you. Heh heh.
Be shifty, be proud.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-04-12 21:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It must be difficult to walk with Ashcroft's head up your ass.
Submitted by Aladdin (user info) at 2004-04-12 21:48:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aladdin, im Called that because I used to cheat at cards... oh wait another reason im shifty no ?
Submitted by SumYumGuy (user info) at 2004-04-12 21:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice, I also like the picture
Submitted by distressedjester (user info) at 2004-04-12 21:41:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
aladdin.
why the fuck is that your nickname, you shifty bastard?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-04-12 21:32:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.
But I'm drunk, and stone.
Submitted by OutLaw (user info) at 2004-04-12 21:22:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. My workplace for now is 80% Arabic. I come back ready to have a heart attack.
Submitted by Know_Your_Place (user info) at 2004-04-12 21:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well you shifty Arab, you made me laugh and you get the 2.. fortunately I only seem to have one of those characteristics, the smirk, i can't bring myself to smile it looks like a strange grin... or so I have been told... Well that should suffice for me not joining your shifty arab organisation..
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-04-12 21:10:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wouldn't say "shifty" as much as "vaguely irritating."