Science Teachers With Pterodactyl Muscles (1232 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.16 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Trout (View user info) at 2004-04-14 08:56:30 EDT
Science Teachers.
Odd people usually. I had the (mis/good?)fortune of getting taught by two teachers that would do anything other than teach you.
Here are some examples of why I scraped a pass in physics and failed chemistry.
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<start of class>
Physics Teacher: So, did anyone see Star Trek last night? It was great, time loops and everything. There was this bit when Geordie.........
(20 mins later).......... Physics in action class, good old star trek.
Trout: No I didn't sir but isn't this getting away slightly from todays topic of electricity?
PT: Time Loops Hamilton, it had time loops.
Trout: Yes sir.
PT: And then the captain.........
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<ten minutes after class starts>
Chemistry Teacher: Reminds me of the time I was county javelin champion.
Trout: Yeah, what county sir?
CT: The one I grew up in, now if you had seen my style. Flawless. Pterodactyl muscles.
Trout: But surely pterodactyl had very few muscles since they were a gliding bird. The probably had next to none in what is their equivalent of our arms.
CT: Would you like to see how strong pterodactyl muscles can really be? Outside in the car park?
Trout: No, not really sir.
CT: Good, so........when i was county javelin champ.
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<ten minutes into a chemistry class>
Trout: Sir, is there anyway you can tell the difference between ethanol and methanol without any lab equipment?
CT: Well, when I was working for the BP there was this group of workers that decided to sample what was in one of the methanol tanks. There were five of them. Four died and the other one went blind. As they were taking him out the plant in a stretcher everyone wondered what had happened. I stopped the stretcher and took one sniff at his breath. Methanol......not ethanol. That's your problem right there.
Trout: So you can tell the difference between methanol and ethanol, by smell?
CT: Of course.
Trout: And can you explain the difference sir, or is the fact it's a lie going to make that too difficult?
CT: Pterodactyl muscles Hamilton, pterodactyl muscles.
Trout: Yes sir.
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<middle of physics class>
Trout: Sir, if you were in a lift that was plummeting to the ground and you jumped out just before it landed I assume that unlike in the cartoons you'd sustain damage.
PT: No, the cartoons have it right. You'd be fine
Trout: So if I put that in the exam you'd mark it correct?
PT: Of course.
<he didn't>
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<chemistry class>
Trout: So a nuclear bomb is fission-fusion-fission. Is that right?
CT: Well, you can have all sorts of bombs. Fission-Fusion-Fission-Fusion bombs; Fusion-Fission-Fission bombs; Fission-Fission-Fusion but they're not that great.
etc etc etc etc etc
Trout: So what one do i need to know for the exam?
CT: How would I know?
<I failed the exam>
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<physics class, experiment set up>
PT: It's not volts that kill you, it's amps. This here has 3000 volts going through it but only 0.1 amps so you'd be fine.
Trout: Can I touch it then?
PT: Good god, no. I'm going to turn it off now. No more experiments. You lot can't be trusted.
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<chemistry class, experiment set up>
CT: Now this experiment requires careful measurements.
Trout: Of what sir?
CT: Everything Hamilton, everything.
Trout: So, is the fact I used centi-litres instead of milli-litres for the first two ingredients a bad thing?
CT: Only if your lab partner adds in the third ingredient in centi-litres. Which he is doing now.
<smoke billows everywhere and our conical flask shatters>
CT: Pterodactyl muscles boys. Now go and get the janitor and don't come back until next monday.
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Is it any wonder I was shit at science?
Every class was like the above.
I learned next to nothing.
Pterodactyl muscles, my arse.
User Reviews
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-04-15 08:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What you study TTOM?
At glasgow university?
There was no way I could have made it in science.
BA all the way for me.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-04-15 05:41:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh heh heh
The other Two sciences hate physcicists. At my university you will see Chemistry nerds and Biology nerds hanging out but the physics nerds are way too nerdy even for geeks of my stature.
I actually heard tem having a conversation about how the heisenburg compensator in star trek would work.
The fact that I even knew what they were talking about singles me out as a gekk but at least I dont care how a piece of fiction works.
I need a life, i really do.
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-04-14 12:05:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-04-14 11:44:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
0.1 Amps will kill you.
--------------------------
Oh for fucks sake.
It was something like that.
I can't remember the exact thing, fucking amps and ohms and volts and whatnot.
Why give a -2 because i got the science wrong when the whole point of the post was my teachers not actually teaching me anything?
Now fuck off physics boy.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-04-14 11:44:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
0.1 Amps will kill you.
Submitted by schwenckie (user info) at 2004-04-14 10:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love marine stuff. I once took this class when I was in college, and the lab was 3 1/2 weeks in Hawaii researching the marine life. It was one of the coolest things I've ever done. Now it's forensics. I love it.
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-04-14 10:47:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Forgot another one.
Chemistry Teacher: "You're lucky the belt is banned. I remember it took me a while to find out how hard to hit people. The first time I belted someone was fun. I put the belt right back behind my shoulder and brought it down so hard, soooooo hard that the boy sat there crying for the rest of the day. He never spoke out of turn after that. Pterodactyl muscles, county javelin champ."
We cried that day as well. At his dumbass story.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-14 10:35:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by schwenckie (user info) at 2004-04-14 09:28:17 (#)
Ranking: 0
Mystiamoon, what kind of science? Maybe we can find some common ground here
=================
All kinds. My favorites are marine biology, oceanography and anything to do with space and the universe.
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-04-14 10:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
aaaahhhhh science
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-04-14 10:15:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm so bad at chemistry that:
"Preparatory arrangements:
Starting material may be any lysergic acid derivative, from ergot on rye grain or from culture, or from synthetic sources. "
had me stumped.
And that was the first bit.
The rest of it made even less sense and it seems like i'd need use of the batcave to have all the necessary equipment.
oh well.....
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-04-14 10:00:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
How to make acid:
http://www.neonjoint.com/drug_recipes/chapter1.html
Submitted by enraged_baboon (user info) at 2004-04-14 09:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
science teachers are awesome in that 'haha what a retard' way
Submitted by schwenckie (user info) at 2004-04-14 09:28:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mystiamoon, what kind of science? Maybe we can find some common ground here.
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-04-14 09:27:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny...
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-04-14 09:09:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm pretty sure you didn't teach me them.
I've nothing against science teachers.
Just wish mine were better as I gave science up after those bad experiences.
Now I wish I knew more chemistry.
Like how to make lsd.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-14 09:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for science. I looooove science.
Submitted by schwenckie (user info) at 2004-04-14 09:04:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I teach chemistry and physics.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-04-14 08:59:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh heh heh
Science rules!