77 hits or why i never again will post on the weekend (703 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -0.6 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by wayne brady (View user info) at 2004-04-14 10:51:48 EDT
repost:
all the figurines were hanging from miniature fake trees with a rope around their necks, swaying back and forth in the nonexistent breeze over a candle: the heat slowly melting and contorting their bodies until they no longer resembled anything like their intended form. instead, they were a multicolored puddle of melted plastic, reminding me of tie die.
out of madness, i poured gasoline on all of it. i even took a quick swig to ease the jitters and force the spiders to retreat. i offered some to the little boy tied up in the corner but he did not reply. good thing, i had told him to shut up an hour ago.
i lit the diorama on fire and began to dance that ancient dance. much like my ancestors before me, my gyrations and body movements were completely off rhythm to the beat that wasnt there. the little boy watched in amazement.
suddenly, i awoke from my trance like state.
"where is it?", i demanded.
"mmpth grah ptut!! hmmlfp!!"
"dont worry, little one. i still yearn. on the morrow, exhibited you shall be."
"uuah argg kraaiey"
"true."
i do not remember the rest of the night, but that morning i awoke where i must have fallen. the boy was nowhere to be found. in my still clenched hands, was a note.
the words, scribbled hastily in the colors of god's favorite football team, the dallas cowboys, burned my retinas as i read.
it seemed that once again my attempts at greatness were to be in vain. once again i would stare into the face of humiliation.
that day, as show and tell came, instead of what was to be, i was forced to present my never famous, ever boring, appalachian rock collection.
again.
i looked out at my audience before me: their eyes were glazed over, much like my eyes now, except their eyes appeared as such due to inattention and boredom. mine, however, was and is still, from insanity.
how i wanted to tell them. tell them what they had missed. what could have been. but it was not to be.
before i had even begun, i had ended.
User Reviews
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-04-14 14:23:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i see your point, posting for attention is quite pathetic as it might imply that i am trying to gain some sort of acceptance on this community that has been created, but that is not my intention.
i only am looking for hits so my work may be critically and appropriately reviewed by those willing to offer some sort of meaningful suggestions.
you sir/madam are welcome to review as you have and i thank you. consider my hand spanked and i will refrain from offending your sensibilities ever again.
good day.
ass
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-04-14 11:50:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are seriously one of the most pathetic people i have ever had the pleasure of not meeting. Those kids on MTV who want to look like brad pitt so they got plastic surgery are less pathetic then you.
I worry for your children.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-04-14 11:38:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-04-14 11:13:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yes, very whiny indeed...but i sometimes need the attention of others to feel better about myself...and to sustain erections...
thank you for helping me out with this problem.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-04-14 11:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"i even took a quick swig to ease the jitters and force the spiders to retreat"
You get a +1, just for this line. But, uh... reposting something because you're pissed that it didn't get enough attention? This is the second time - and ok, yeah, it's working for you. But still... I don't know. It doesn't feel kind of.. well... whiny?
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-04-14 11:07:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wrote this story a long time ago, in my rebellious "capitalization is like having to pay for extra packets of ketchup at wienerschnitzel...it just aint right" days
Submitted by triliad (user info) at 2004-04-14 10:58:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+1 for the title.
-1 for no capitalization...e.e. cummings, you ain't.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-14 10:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
White people love Wayne Brady because he makes Bryant Gumbel look like Malcom X.
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2004-04-14 10:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHA. Good title.