To my Fellow Canadians: Who is the Greatest Canadian? (2024 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.95 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SausageKing (View user info) at 2004-04-14 13:55:45 EDT
There have been commercials during the hockey playoffs advertising a show the CBC is putting together about the greatest Canadians of all time. You can read more about it at this url:
http://www.cbc.ca/greatest/
There of course will be the reliable old standbys such Pierre Trudeau, Terry Fox and Wayne Gretzsky, all conventional if unoriginal choices. This got me thinking about some of our more, uh shall we say 'infamous' Canadians who don't have a chance of making this list. These poor bastards still deserve some sort of recognition though, so I have compiled the following list, called:
The Not So Greatest Canadians
WILLIAM SHATNER: Best known for his portrayal of captain Kirk on Star Trek, this actor is synonyms with stilted, ham-fisted acting. He is reduced to such a joke that he now makes a living parodying himself on bad commercials. He makes us all so very proud. Keanu Reeves, another former Canadian, obviously takes after the Shatner school of acting.
STEVE FONYO: After Terry Fox raised millions of dollars for cancer research by running across Canada, and becoming a national hero in the process, we had Steve Fonyo. He didn't actually have cancer and he made a fraction of the money that Terry did. After his run, he was arrested for drunk driving, and also I think for beating his wife. Last I heard he was doing transmissions with a buddy of mine. Steve is a true Canadian hero.
PAMELA ANDERSON: Legend goes her 'talent' was discovered at a BC Lions football game when the jumbotron camera filmed Pamela's jiggling breasts. The best acting she ever did was in that sex tape with Tommy Lee.
ROBERT PICKTON: He is unofficially Canada's most prolific serial murderer. At 57 unconfirmed kills, he puts other famous murders such as Ted Bundy and Jeffery Dahmer to shame. He is the sole reason Canada is debating bringing back the death penalty.
JEAN CRETIEN: He was probably the worst Prime Minister Canada has ever had (although depending on which Canadian you ask, any prime minister would qualify for this). He did have a handy knack of avoiding scandal though: just happily ignore any accusation made against him.
CELINE DION: She has been spreading her brand of chest thumping shriek-pop around the world like a disease for some years now. She keeps promising to retire, but sadly she is always lying about this.
ALANIS MORISETTE: Audiences around the world know her as a rocking 'alternative' chick. Canadians still remember her though as Alanis: teeny-bopper. She is just so deep and misunderstood!
BEN JOHNSON: For on brief shining moment in sporting history, a Canadian had set the world record for the 100 meter sprint. This was short lived though when we found out that he was a juicing steroid-monkey.
So to my fellow Canadians out there, are there any that I have missed on this list and you wish to nominate? Please respond here.
Also, here is a picture for you Calgary Flames fans:
User Reviews
Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2004-06-05 16:55:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the best line ever from Mr. Chretien: "Pepper? I dont know anything about pepper except I put it on my food!" after being questioned about the RCMP pepper-spraying protestors at a peaceful rally.
Submitted by craptastic (user info) at 2004-05-25 21:46:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Celine Dion is super
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-04-23 15:56:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jean Cretien rocks my socks off cocksucker. Remember when he strangled that guy? Classic.
Submitted by bonze (user info) at 2004-04-23 15:38:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah but boubou is missing a leg, so hes not so great...
Submitted by Gent (user info) at 2004-04-15 16:47:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lucien Bouchard... that's who I was thinking of. Premiere of Quebec... and the greatest Canadien of them all.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-04-15 14:18:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I should read better. My apologies.
WQP - I could give a shit about Saskatoon, but I was concerned that everyone in Canada had gone nuts and was forgetting that they could lay claim to the greatest hockey player in history.
Submitted by Gent (user info) at 2004-04-15 09:26:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't you guys have a Prime Minister that lost some limbs to the flesh eating bacteria? If so, it's him, because it's an amazing story. Otherwise, Stu Hart.
Submitted by triliad (user info) at 2004-04-15 00:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Steve Fonyo was arrested once breaking into a pawnshop in my hometown (Vernon, BC) to get the keys to the car he had pawned earlier in the day so that he could steal it back. Good times...
Greatest Canadian? John A. MacDonald. He was PM for a total of like 26 years, and he was ridiculously hammered on gin the entire time.
Submitted by SausageKing (user info) at 2004-04-15 00:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fionavar
Thank you that was exactly what I was looking for.
I already have the pig farmer on my list (Robert Pickton who lived about a ten minute drive from me) and I was considering Bernado and Copps but the list was already getting long. Your actual great Canadians were right on too.
Rush! Damn I didn't even think of those idiots. Their music is terrible too.
Thanks!
Submitted by Tastycat (user info) at 2004-04-14 23:50:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lastman should be on the list just because he was fully the most fucked up mayor anywhere; he was an adulterous, lying, racist pig of a man, and everyone loved it.
Submitted by fionavar (user info) at 2004-04-14 23:36:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Non-Nominees:
Rush: For that horrendous camel toe pic on the cover of a 70's album. Picture the white spandex. I think they're in the hall of shame at cameltoe.org
(Obvious one): Paul Bernardo, and those two pig farmers in B.C.
Peter Mansbridge: For having tons of money, yet stubbornly refusing to get a toupee.
Lucien Bouchard: Just cuz.
Sheila Copps: That voice! That voice!
All Members of the Air Farce: For once being funny.
Anne Murray: "You needed me". Enough said.
Nominees:
All Members of SCTV: For throwing televisions out of windows, mericilessly.
Rick Mercer: For his scathing satirical rants.
Mel Lastman, former mayor of T.O.: For having an affair, admitting to it, facing the scandal, and still getting re-elected, while his wife is having a nervous breakdown.
And Finally,
Mike Meyers: No list is complete without him.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-04-14 16:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Michael J. Fox or Peter Jennings. So hard to choose.
Submitted by iamhewhoisnot (user info) at 2004-04-14 16:19:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
terrence and phillip?
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-14 15:37:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Donald S. Cherry.
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-04-14 14:53:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit, wait, I meant William Lyon Mackenzie, although the first guy was also bad ass.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-04-14 14:48:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
greatest canadians ? Gabriel Hudon and Raymond Villeneuve ! (for those who know em, just kidding)
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2004-04-14 14:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Either Mackenzie King or Romeo Dallaire.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-14 14:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
until recently i stayed out of the whole "America kicks Canadas ass debate". I grew up in south Florida and know the snow birds all too well, however snow birds tend to be old canadians. not exactly an accurate depiction of the entire country. recently however, i took a trip to Vancouver. and now i must agree, America does indeed kick Canadas ass. Our currency kicks yours ass. Our girls are hotter. Our clubs are better. In fact, the only thing in Canada that wa superior to our American equivelent were the liquer stores. In the liquer store i went to they were giving out free samples of white russians. They also had Havana rum which we have an embargo on in America. and absinthe, which is a bullshit lie, it tastes horrible, you get really drunk but dont hallucinate. so... to answer your question, the best canadian would have to be whoever the girl was giving out the free samples of white russian. I should have proposed to her.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-04-14 14:23:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, Eagle... thats pretty impressive.
Why is a DC chick like you so astounded with Saskatoon?
Submitted by SausageKing (user info) at 2004-04-14 14:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
William_Q_Percy
I remeber that Ralph Klein thing. That guy kicks ass! I wish we had him for premier over here in BC.
Also, go Canucks!
potatomanjack
Kim Campell would fit nicely into this list. Apparently she got nominated for the top 50 leaders of all time in National Geographic recently. WTF?
AlwaysAnEagle
Gordie Howe I would rank as an actual great Canadian, so he doesn't really belond on the not so great list.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-04-14 14:15:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hello? GORDIE HOWE? What the hell?
Howe wipes the fucking floor with Gretzky. All due respect to Gretzky, but come fucking on. The man played thirty three seasons, on five different teams and three different leagues, through two retirements and wrapping his final season in the NHL, in an era of hockey that was much less refined and much more exclusive that it is today. He racked up 2,589 career points, 2,010 of the in the NHL, and made the All Star teams 21 times (12 first team, 9 second team) and won the Hart Trophy (League MVP, NHL) six times. He finished in the top five of the NHL scoring list for TWENTY CONSECUTIVE SEASONS. The man was so ridiculously invincible he played on the same team with his SONS in Houston.
How can you mention Canada's best and not mention Gordie Howe, who was born in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan?
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-04-14 14:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bret "the Hitman" Hart
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-04-14 14:13:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Celine Dion. Just kidding.
Submitted by vergedor (user info) at 2004-04-14 14:12:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Greatest Canadian: Dan Akroyd
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-04-14 14:09:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Chretien was pretty good at the start of his time as PM, however he should have stepped down 4 or 5 years ago.
My Nominee: Kim Campbell
First and only female PM. She was Prime minister for about 3 months, and nobody even really voted for her, she just got the party nomination because they needed someone to lose in the upcoming Feds. Talk about an all star.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-04-14 14:08:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My greatest Canadian is Ralph Klein.
I think the story goes that he used to drink in one of the shittiest holes in the town (The King Eddie) and would discuss politics all night long with the local fare (homeless, drug addicts, other assorted dregs of society). One night he got so enflamed that while he was piping off someone told him to just run for mayor if he thinks he can fix it. He did, and ran the city damn well. He's now the Premier of Alberta and our debt is a year from being erased.
Anyways, he is great because last year while he was supposedly on the wagon, he was getting drunk at the Eddie again (kicking it back to his roots??), probably getting all drunk and worked up about politics as usual. On hsi way out a bum asked him for some change, and the fucking guy threw a handful of change at the guy's face and yelled "Get a fucking job!"
It was all over the news, and it still makes me smile. Ahhh...
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-04-14 14:03:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This -2 is for Sutter
GO FLAMES GO!!
Submitted by Al_Queda (user info) at 2004-04-14 14:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's funny.
I am the greatest canadian because I single-handedly destroyed the american infidels.