Problem Roomates (894 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.45 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jays567 (View user info) at 2004-04-15 18:30:55 EDT
Living on your own for the first time can be an interesting experience. Managing your own money, cleaning up after yourself and paying bills are all requirements to have your own pad. However, in certain cases, you might be required to find a roommate (or two), as property rates seem to continue climbing. Most of the time, this is a budget saver. Splitting an enormous rent bill two or three ways can make life a little easier. Unfortunately, not everyone is roommate material, and you usually don't find this out until well after they've moved in with you.
I recently just moved out my parent's house and into an apartment with two of my old high school buddies. These are dudes I used to party with every weekend, getting shit faced drunk with, hell raising all over Southern California and just chilling with when we were broke. You know the type, your real friends. So, I thought "Why not move in with these guys, I've known them forever, shit, we've gotten along for many years." Guess again. I didn't take the time to notice their living habits before I chose to share a roof with them and I quickly found out what a two month old algae growth looks like.
The first day was great. We got settled, had a couple of beers and just watched some porno. Hell it's a Saturday, it's beer day. Once I woke up from my alcohol-induced unconsciousness, I noticed my beer cans were the only ones that made it in the trash can...there were 30 other cans forming a mosaic across our white carpet. So, being me, I just went upstairs to take a shower.
This was mistake #1 - running away from the initial problem.
As I neared the bathroom, I noticed a sharp, pungent odor coming out of the abyss where I was headed. It smelled like a mixture of ass sweat and curdled milk with a hint of bile. My pace quickly slowed. This odor was forming an invisible wall of airborne filth. As I reached the entrance to the room, the floorboards started to squeal, it's as if the apartment itself was trying to warn me of the impending doom that faced me. Ignorant, I continued. As entered the doorway of the bathroom, I reached for the light switch and flipped it on - vomit everywhere. The wall had specks of vomit dried and crusted in all four directions. Dry vomit covered the linoleum floor. It covered the white porcelain toilet. It even covered the brand new shower curtain. It's as if the expeller of this spew had tried to hit every object except the actual toilet bowl itself. None of my roommates would admit to it and needless to say, there was no shower for me that day.
This was mistake #2 - entering a darkened room that smelled like ass and bile.
Even more horrendous then a bathroom covered with vomit is our kitchen sink. Imagine, three months of dishes from steak dinner, spaghetti left-overs and the experimental cheese, catsup, mustard and bread concoctions rotting in a sink. Imagine a greenish blue film covering every plate, bowl and cup deposited into this sink emitting such a fowl odor. It's so strong, the minute you walk in the front door you're almost knocked on your ass. Well you might say to me, "Just wash the fucking dishes." But why would I do that? None of these dishes are from me, I frequent fast food and restaurants for all meals because I'm never home except to sleep. I'm a full time college student and a full time employee of a large corporation. This biological experiment can solely be attributed to my over achieving roommates. The worst part of the story is when a few friends came to visit last week, we had pizza and ran out of paper plates. My roommate immediately jumped up and brought back two mold infested plates. He put slices of pizza on them to conceal the green growth and handed the meal to our friends. Somehow the mold attached itself to the bottom of their greasy pizzas and it was never discovered. They did complain of a sweet tasting pizza.
This was mistake #3 - not having a hot, live in Mexican maid to wash our dishes (she can stay in my room).
In conclusion, pick your roommates well. Being friends with them before you move in doesn't mean they won't be complete and utter fucktards when it comes to cleaning up after themselves.
User Reviews
Submitted by obligations (user info) at 2004-04-30 02:08:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
heh. I know how that is. I got pictures to prove it. But not as nasty as yours. Only difference between your apartment and mine is that instead of bile I had millions of fruitflies buzzing around. Thank god the roomates and the trash is gone.
Submitted by Jays567 (user info) at 2004-04-19 12:08:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alright I'll stop whoring.
I go to Cypress College right now. Working on transferring to UC Irvine or Riverside.
Submitted by Rixes (user info) at 2004-04-18 13:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear J-lo's looking for work.
Submitted by Scientifik (user info) at 2004-04-17 15:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jays where do you go to school?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-04-17 02:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Okay, I read it, and it was pretty funny.
I like roommate stories.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-04-17 02:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jay, I haven't read this post, so I'm not rating it anything..
but please don't link it everywhere. It's kind of annoying.
:oP
I promise I'll read and appropriately rate it later if you stop linkwhoring.
Thanks!
Submitted by Jays567 (user info) at 2004-04-16 10:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hmm good idea...
Submitted by fionavar (user info) at 2004-04-16 07:12:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
After your shower, take all of the dishes and place them in the bathtub. Squirt with soap liberally.
Leave for work.
The roommates will have no choice but to wash them, or stink forever.
Oh, and buy your own stash of paper plates & cups, for emergencies. Hide them in your room.
Submitted by Jays567 (user info) at 2004-04-16 01:46:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not a bad post to pop the Uber cherry on eh?
Submitted by bargled (user info) at 2004-04-16 01:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My name is Bargled, and I approve this post.
Submitted by RandytheHelpfulPineapple (user info) at 2004-04-15 21:35:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
... I am a master of dish washing laziness.
The number one thing I'm looking for in an apartment is not a suitable neighborhood, nor is it a suitable price ... it is a dish washer. And if that dish washer doesn't work then I'll slap the bitch.
Submitted by BonesForBucks (user info) at 2004-04-15 20:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"As I reached the entrance to the room, the floorboards started to squeal, it's as if the apartment itself was trying to warn me of the impending doom that faced me. Ignorant, I continued."
Sounds almost like one of those old stories, a horrorish one.
Submitted by Karen A. <spiksgrl.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-04-15 19:29:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jay that is so funny, hey maybe you and me can share that hot mexican maid in your bed sometime ;).
you should give me a call sometime.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-04-15 18:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've been there...oh did I've been there.
I even had to deal with the police. Just wait...
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-04-15 18:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've been there, (in both positions).
I feel for you but there must have been enough people telling you about this possibility.
I wish you luck in surviving/kicking them out. (whatever works for you).