BU2: This Means War (510 hits)
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Submitted by Magicaddict (View user info) at 2004-04-16 12:56:18 EDT
As a result of my attendance of Wills Hall for three years, I was branded an abject sloane and posh bastard (British University I - http://www.ubersite.com/m/30396). I am neither of the above, and when people get out of hand with it, well...sometimes, it becomes essential to hit back, and hit back hard.
In my second year, the head of the student council of Churchill hall, a guy called Niall, took an exception to the general existence of Wills. I think this is down to the fact that he applied to Wills in his first year and failed, but of course that remains...only...my opinion. From the time he made his decision, things started turning up in our quadrangle: Tasteful arrangements of traffic cones, novel timber construction, a hundred balloons, all complete with photographs of the act taking place, and the people doing it, garbed up in their SAS balaclavas and combat kit. "Project Wills" was carrying out a well thought-out campaign of remorseless hate crime. It had to stop. Someone had to put their foot down. Someone had to stand up in the face of PW and fight for what was right. Someone had to be a champion.
No-one volunteered, so it was me.
The hanging of a banner from our entrance hall was the final straw. Being notified that "Project Wills is watching you" as I went for breakfast early one morning was enough to drive anyone over the edge. I retired to my room and started plotting. Under the pseudonym Magic, I recruited people sympathetic to the cause: Boltz - who could get anything for a price; Boots - with the shoes; The Judge - overseer and passer of sentence; Blade & Nutz - psycho crack troops; Bud - supplier of beer; Yard - drinker of beer; Yoda - generic mentor; Pantz - who used a pair of CKs instead of a balaclava; and Volume - we don't really know what he did. Normal people, leading normal lives, until we came together under one roof, where we were unstoppable, we were immovable - we were *fanfare* "La Resistance".
After purchasing kit provided by Boltz, inclusive of our own SAS balaclavas and even military dog tags imprinted with our codenames, we were ready. Ready to exact terrible revenge upon our assailants, ready to bring out the unusually large guns, ready to deliver a knockout punch, and deliver it with authority...ready to put a Wills scarecrow in their quad.
Two o'clock one Friday morning, we proceed to meet underground, in the cellar of the bar. There, we fashion the various pieces of equipment procured over the past couple of weeks - a hall rugby shirt, a polystyrene mannequin head, large amounts of newspaper, and two large planks of wood - into the instrument of retribution. When we finish an hour later, he is magnificent - ten feet tall, golden faced, and completely lacking a bottom half. Meh.
At five past three we encroach on the neutral zone, disguises up and ready for action. Boots and Bud act as advance scouts, Pantz rearranges his headgear, Boltz has the scarecrow. We cross the car park between the two halls, in front of the old house where Niall lives as part of a perk of being Churchill JCR president, and freeze. Boots is hot-shoeing it back up the path, reporting that he has seen people applying balaclavas and combat gear in the corridors of Churchill hall, and are coming this way. We have no time to retreat - we can only hide, and pray. Bud and I take up observation positions, watching and preparing for the mother of all punch-ups, as the individuals in question approach Niall's house, and go inside. Curiouser and curiouser.
Five minutes later, they re-appear, greater in number, carrying some kind of timber construction and placards, and head for Wills. Intrigued, we leave Bud in her position half way up a tree and Boltz minding the scarecrow, and follow them at a safe distance. Egad! We find them placing the aforementioned construction and placards in the Wills hall quad! We've caught the bastards in the act! Yard and Yoda check the exits are clear and we watch as they leave, picking up the all-clear signal from Bud as they cross back into neutral territory.
We inspect the work of our blood-enemies. A placard saying "Wills boys go..." and three eight foot high letters, guy-roped to the ground, spelling out "RAH" (as in the very posh saying - "Rah rah rah"). It's impressive, very impressive - no more than we expected from such worthy adversaries. So impressive, my fevered brain thinks to itself, that it's too good not to use. We remove it from the quad, stowing the R away for future use, and return to the neutral zone carrying the rest of it. By now it is half past four in the morning, and the first light of the false dawn is threatening to shed light on our covert machinations. We make haste, under the all clear signaled by Boots (now safely ensconced inside a bush) we proceed into enemy territory, Yard with the H, me with the A, Boltz & Blade with the scarecrow, and Nutz packing the placard. The scarecrow is placed just so, surrounded by the placard and letters now reading "Sorry Niall, Wills boys go... HA" on the front of their quad, and PW's lead is followed by Bud and Yoda putting a photo of ourselves in our gear on the hall front door. At five, we steal back across the neutral zone, into the safety of Bud's room, to drink beer (we were, pathetically, all too excited to get to sleep for the two hours still available before we normally got up) and celebrate the riotous success of La Resistance's inaugural mission. Battle lines had been drawn, we would never back down, never surrender, and were perfectly happy to nick whatever was put in our quad and give it back.
According to news reports from the front line the following morning, Niall awoke to find the display as we left it, flew into a fit of rage and physically destroyed the letters and the scarecrow. I think we'd got his attention - it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
In BU3 - things that can go wrong with frozen chickens.
User Reviews
Submitted by BonesForBucks (user info) at 2004-04-16 13:07:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Loved it. Actually haven't read the first one, going to do that now. I love pranks of all kinds, as long as they are clever.
Submitted by Thunderlips (user info) at 2004-04-16 12:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Looks like halfway through you forgot how to use paragraphs.