The tele marketer from hell (912 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.42 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by evilkangaroo (View user info) at 2004-04-16 22:05:55 EDT
(Ya, it's a repost, but that damn chinese text was annoying, so...)
Recently, to save up some money, I got a job at a call center. Why they hired a fifteen year old kid, and whether or not it is even legal is not what I care about. I started out trying to push whatever goods we were pushing that afternoon, but it gets boring and annoying having people hang up on you. So I decided to start having some fun with the customers...
ME: Hello! I'm from ******** sales, and I was wondering if you would be interested in purchasing a new cell phone
CUSTOMER: (Sounds like a thirteen year old) Uh, yeah, actually, that would be great.
ME: (Willing to take that chance to finally make a fucking sale) O.K sir, I just need some information on you.
CUSTOMER: O.K?
ME: What is your name sir?
CUSTOMER: Uh, Mike Rotch (snicker)
Interjection: Give me some credit, asswipe. I hope that you get hit by a flying hub-cap
ME: Right... O.K, your address?
CUSTOMER: Uh, 321 Main street?
Interjection: Real creative dipshit. You reversed the numbers. Unfortunately, I live about a block from said address, and know it to be a video store. But fine, if this fucker wants to play, he gets hardball
ME: O.K, now I want you to do something.
CUSTOMER: Fine?
ME: Tell your mom that the pimple above the right lip needs to be worked on. Oh, and I hope you get hit by a flying hub-cap.
ME: CLICK
Conclusion: I am an immature asshole. I'm going to hell.
ME: Excuse me ma'am, but would you be interested in...
CUSTOMER: No! Just fuck off you stupid cunt! I put my name on that fuck forsaken list, and I want a bit of fucking respect from you shit eaters! You got that?!
ME: Yes ma'am, I did. Just to let you now, I have that list in front of me
Interjection: Complete lie. I don't even know the website to sign up for it.
ME: And I know your address, your telephone number, your name, Mrs Belanger.
Interjection: Call display rules
ME: So I'd be very careful who I snapped at. You never know who you are talking to, it might be your perfectly average middle aged man, and this buttoned down schizo could probably snap at any moment and come into your house with an Armalite AR-180 carbine gas-operated semiautomatic. And then what happens?
CUSTOMER: CLICK
CONCLUSION: I have seen Fight Club far too many times.
ME: Hello, I'd like to ask (cut off)
CUSTOMER: (giggling) Oh, like, your, like, one of those like, telepeople?
INTERJECTION: The gene pool runs shallow.
ME: Why yes, I am one of those 'telepeople.'
CUSTOMER: That's so cool! My friend works that, and she ALWAYS complains about the work. Isn't, it like, really hard, like, to call people a lot?
INTERJECTION: Isn't it, like, really hard to breathe?
ME: Well... to move on, I am looking for the adult or most senior person of the house to ask a few questions to.
CUSTOMER: Oh, mommy and daddy are out, and my little brothers are probably younger than me, so I guess I'm the oldest.
INTERJECTION: Mommy and Daddy trusted two young children to her? Or the other way around?
ME: Now, what is your favorite place to eat at?
CUSTOMER: Well, me and my bf
INTERJECTION: She actually said bf. As in bee eff. As in boyfriend. I briefly consider strangling myself with my belt.
CUSTOMER: always eat at Mickey D's! Bah bah bah bah, I'm lovin it! (hums the tune)
ME: ARRGGGHHHH!!
CLICK
ME: Hello, would you be interested in purchasing
CUSTOMER: Wang-chung nun ma fi da poonan
ME: Um...
CUSTOMER: Tiki naka chocka whok papa
ME: I'm just gonna hang up now...
CUSTOMER: tau-nau!tau-nau!tau-nau!tau-nau!
CLICK
CONCLUSION: ??????????
Not surprisingly, I received a generous kick out the door within a week of my employment
User Reviews
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-06-03 16:47:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Old times.
Submitted by lokimustdie (user info) at 2004-04-17 14:29:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
should do that to loki
Submitted by whyamihere (user info) at 2004-04-17 10:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JBOMB (user info) at 2004-04-17 01:46:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Typical telemarket call to my house:
Whore: Hello, Mr Bomb, I'm calling about your american express card, there is no problem. I was wondering if you would be interested in consolidating all yo....
Me: *PLACE CAN OF SCREAM UP TO RECEIVER, PRESS BUTTON, WAIT FOR WHORE TO HANG UP"
Submitted by Lucifer_Industries (user info) at 2004-04-17 01:38:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Now, why don't people like you call me instead of the Indians from Paki who don't let you get a word in edgewise?
Malone
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-04-16 22:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-04-16 21:58:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha thats some funny shit, the best way to get rid of telemarketers is to just mash the buttons on the phone when they ask you to buy something.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-04-16 22:40:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
relieve stress. Pure genius; fueled by falco http://www.ubersite.com/m/30512
Submitted by Kimba (user info) at 2004-04-16 22:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I did the telemarketing thing for about month and thought I was gonna go insane. I really have respect for the people that spend their days being hung up on and screamed at for eight hours straight.
Submitted by macsnillio <cw.at.chriswatson.com> at 2004-04-16 22:28:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
entertaining.
Submitted by holymotherofgodimbored (user info) at 2004-04-16 22:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, that was YOU who called me!!!
Submitted by I_have_a_Malone_fetish (user info) at 2004-04-16 22:09:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YAoasodjadoaw
Submitted by Fabish (user info) at 2004-04-16 22:07:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
If you're smart you can get away with shit like that for a year. If you can handle that sort of thing as a teenager. Telepeople suck, more so after you've been one.