Horny 16 Year Old Girls, Coworkers With A.D.D., And Anal Sex At Work (51089 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.45 on 82 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sideburns (View user info) at 2004-04-19 00:02:13 EDT
I work in a local restaurant. I've only been there for a little less than a month and I've learned so much about my co-workers. I know when I answer the phone and someone asks for Junior, they're not calling in a cheeseburger combo, they're calling Junior to meet him out back so he can sell them weed-- to go. I know not to ask my coworker, Laura with A.D.D., where anything is. Apparently when I ask her where the boxes of napkins are, I'm still standing there two hours later learning about why she chose her favorite color.
Stephanie, the 16 year old that works there has the hots for me. Don't get me wrong--she's hot. But she's 16. I'm 20. This is every ounce of wrong. The clothing she wears to work does not help me either. She's such a tease and it's so wrong. When she's bending over into the icecream cooler and dipping cones out, her butt is sticking straight out. I know what she's thinking:
"Come do me from behind, Justin. Rip my pants off and have your way with my 16--almost 17 year old body!"
Either that, or she's just making icecream.
Diego, one of the cooks who barely speaks english, is trying to sell me his car. It's nice looking. Last week he made me a decent offer.
"Ees a nice car. For you, 3500."
Today, he made me another deal...
"Ees a nice car. For you, 4000."
"Last week, you said 3500."
"Ees okay. 3900."
"Diego, dude. You said 3500. You can't go any higher."
"Ees okay. Ees a nice car."
"Diego. You're full of it. You're trying to screw me over. Why are you upping the price?"
"..eh..."
"Well?"
"Ees okay."
"It's NOT okay. I'll give you 3500. Nothing more."
"Ees a nice car."
Working at this restaurant would be a lot easier if Hot Stephanie didn't walk around being all hot-- and if Laura stopped chasing dust bunnies all over the place. Everyone I work with is just so open with their conversations. Right in front of a church group, the cooks won't hesitate to talk about how many girls they've fucked or how much they smoked last night.
Earlier this week, a group of the girls were in a little circle by the phone talking about why--or why not-- they have anal sex. When the phone rang, nobody offered to pick it up so I waltzed over to the phone and answered it:
"Carolina Fine Foods, can I anal you?"
Thank goodness the person on the end of the line didn't noticed I had just offered her anal sex.
User Reviews
Submitted by Aphrodite (user info) at 2004-07-08 19:27:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
16 and 20 isn't that much of a difference. When I met my son's father, I was 16 and he was 20. We were together for nine years.
Submitted by bubbamoore (user info) at 2004-07-08 19:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
16 is leagal where i am from... I say bend her over the ice cream... any one for hot fudge?
Submitted by SacredHeart (user info) at 2004-07-08 19:06:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit! I know you. Well, I know of you...
Submitted by darknuke (user info) at 2004-05-29 19:07:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great stuff! You have the best stories. :)
Submitted by kira (user info) at 2004-05-25 04:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, this story is an awesome read. I hope Stephanie starts coming to her senses. Haha.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-05-19 11:13:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was ok, last line was the savour
Submitted by SiriusLives (user info) at 2004-05-19 11:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The mexican with the car is still funny.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-05-03 06:18:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hah, ees a nice car... diego again.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-04-24 12:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Werd. Werd, indeed.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-04-21 16:02:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-04-20 23:34:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sideburns,
At the risk of tooting your horn (figuratively, God damn it, not literally), and silencing that UberJudge idiot, I will point out that you practically invented this type of title line.
Keep up the good work, Sideburns. Also, check out my pizza delivery post...it's right up that alley of shitty jobs.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-04-20 23:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by UberJudge (user info) at 2004-04-20 14:24:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
Utter shit.
Can you please stop doing the same bored at work generic title as well. Bart may be easily amused but I am not
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You're right, bud. I should change my whole post delivery to fit your reading criteria. Apparently appealing to the masses is overrated-- I should just appeal to you. Thanks for clearing that up for me!
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2004-04-20 22:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laugh. Ah, ah, ah!
Submitted by UberJudge (user info) at 2004-04-20 14:24:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Utter shit.
Can you please stop doing the same bored at work generic title as well. Bart may be easily amused but I am not.
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-04-20 11:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey, My boyfriend of 2 years is 21 as of yesterday and I just turned 17. But, damnit, if he's not the hottest guy this side of the Mississipi...
-Hadley
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So when he was 19 and you were 15, you started dating? What the...oh wait, your from Mississippi. That explains alot.
Submitted by NotApologizing (user info) at 2004-04-20 11:25:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Holy shit, you're situation with the 16--almost 17--year old reminds me of when I worked at ChiChi's. I would say that if you RECENTLY turned 20, and she turns 17 before June, then you're OK. Jesus Christ man, you're only 3~4 years older. A year or two from now, 3~4 years won't mean shit anymore, but I understand your dilemma. You just have to judge the maturity level and determine if you'll be doing damage to her emotions by dating her.
Ah fuckit, you better wait. Honestly, though, I dated two different 17 year-old ChiChi's hostesses when I worked there at 20 years of age. I'm 25 now, and I feel that I have less in common with 21~22 year olds than I did with those girls 5 years ago. Probably because I have a daughter and a failed marriage under my belt. Yeah, that's definitely it.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-04-20 09:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-04-20 07:14:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YAYYY!!! Thanks for MVA again Justin!
You rule.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-04-20 01:02:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. I think Shandy is Australian, not American.
2. Diego ees awesome.
3. So is Justin.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-04-20 01:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. I think Shandy is Australian, not American.
2. Diego ees awesome.
3. So is Justin.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-04-20 01:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. I think Shandy is Australian, not American.
2. Diego ees awesome.
3. So is Justin.
Submitted by rootadmen (user info) at 2004-04-19 18:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey, i'll have you'r job
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-04-19 18:25:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-04-19 18:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Captain_MotherFucking_Foamy (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:43:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Foamy. Foamy. Foamy.
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
great pic.
Submitted by AmyRose (user info) at 2004-04-19 10:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sideburns, don't ever leave ME again, and i do mean this in a lick me straight way.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-04-19 10:30:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ess a good post.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-04-19 10:26:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I say if it accepts your hardware and can pour you a glass of milk without leaving the couch, it's fair game. Why the hell are these helicopters circling around?
GO SOX WOO!!!
Submitted by catscradle (user info) at 2004-04-19 10:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It was alright...
Submitted by Sounsexy00 (user info) at 2004-04-19 09:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, My boyfriend of 2 years is 21 as of yesterday and I just turned 17. But, damnit, if he's not the hottest guy this side of the Mississipi...
-Hadley
His name is Justin, too. How odd.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-04-19 09:37:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me smile.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-04-19 09:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sideburns don't ever leave me again. I mean that in a friend way and not in a I want to lick you gay way.
Oh dear.
Submitted by triliad (user info) at 2004-04-19 06:41:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Colour, neighbour, labour...
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-04-19 06:27:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She probably did notice, but just thought it an interesting attention grabbing greet line.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-04-19 04:48:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You've done better posts, but this still made me laugh.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2004-04-19 04:37:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck those bitches. we need to be assured that the next generation of fast food workers are being bred.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-04-19 03:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
kakhuis, get over it. Americans aren't that bad... most of them...
Except maybe if you spell colour like it's supposed to be spelt... spelled... Which one is right there? Hmm....
Submitted by opposable_thumb (user info) at 2004-04-19 03:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-04-19 03:09:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was funny, but the title was funnier.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-19 03:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Who are you mad at? And why would you actually be mad?
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-04-19 03:03:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
haha.
I love Uber.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-19 03:03:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Deal with it nancy boy!
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-04-19 02:59:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I never thought I'd be annoyed by someone spamming my posts with...0's.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-19 02:57:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me of working in a restaurant. When I was 20, there was a 16 year old girl there who used to do almost exactly what you're talking about. She never admitted it until after she started dating the guy who is still her boyfriend, but everyone knew the deal. Being the single male who was hit on everyday by a cute girl who was only 3 years or so younger (what's so wrong with 3 years?), I never complained about her suggestive comments and gestures.
4 years later (damn.. has it already been 4 years??), and after 3 or so years of no contact with this girl, I ran into a mutual friend of ours. Turns out she went from 5'6" 120ish, to 5'6" 190ish, and works in the same gas station as her 26 year old boyfriend. The same guy she gave up her chasing me to get with. I hear they do nothing but borrow money from her parents and smoke weed all day.
And to think, I could have either gotten involved with that lifestyle, or helped her get away from it. Don't know why I just typed all that. I'll never reply to a message with an anecdote when I've had about 10 too many.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-19 02:25:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Only if my girlfriend is a delicious snack food. And she is.
Submitted by dragonninja (user info) at 2004-04-19 02:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I anal you sideburns?
Submitted by jillybean (user info) at 2004-04-19 02:10:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
can I anal you... haha
nice... even better is that they didn't have a clue.
Submitted by kakhuis (user info) at 2004-04-19 02:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Tostitos!
you girlfrends name???
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-19 01:47:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The internet is alive in walls of flame! Tostitos!
Submitted by kakhuis (user info) at 2004-04-19 01:42:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you americans are fucken sick
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-04-19 01:40:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Everything you ever wanted to know about kakhuis
User id: 7703
Registered on or around: 2004-04-17 08:44:15
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 1
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 0
# Hits: 0
Average rating of all messages: 0.00
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I'm glad I can be your first negative rating. Be warned, this 'ratings tool' you have can be deadly when in the wrong hands.
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-19 01:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One can never have too much sauce. Move over dance-a-thon. It's gravy time!
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-19 01:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is saucetacular. I'm coming straight outta Compton. Grab your sleeping bag.
Submitted by kakhuis (user info) at 2004-04-19 01:29:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
i'm 40 years old, so sex with 16 year old girls is perfectly ok and socially accepted - it's actually expected of men my age.
I THINK THIS IS SICK, THAT IS WHY YOUR COUNTRY IS SO FUCKED-UP. YOU WANT TO SCREW EVERY BODY
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2004-04-19 01:19:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by drink_DDT (user info) at 2004-04-19 01:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Those crazy wacky mexicans.
Great post.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:52:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry I'm "0"ing this, but most of the 2's on this are just repeats from Zod and Aj anyway.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:47:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Zodboy2: wtf is that?
It's referring to that dense forest in your pants you call butthair.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep, you knew your ass was grass. Oh wait, I guess you're used to that aren't you, you walking brillo-pad. Good show.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:45:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, ok AJ. I'm done. Love you, bro.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Come do me from behind, Justin. Rip my pants off and have your way with my 16--almost 17 year old body!"
sideburns, next time she does this give me a call and i will race over and perform the deed from the rear. you can mutter endearments to her so she thinks its you.
i'm 40 years old, so sex with 16 year old girls is perfectly ok and socially accepted - it's actually expected of men my age.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:40:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What is this, insults or mad libs? Ok, my turn:
Ah, using my TARP as an insult. You should be so ECCLESIASTICAL to live in Iowa. At least all the HAMMER that's laying around here is ELEPHANT. I swear they ship all the ARMPITS off to New Jersey. Why insult Iowa? I mean, just because the only WILDEBEAST you HEROIC Italians eat are directly related to DRY WALL doesn't mean you have to MASTURBATE on Iowa. And as for having a girlfriend, good for you man. If I wanted to have a CRUMPET from New Jersey I would buy a fucking BAND SAW.
Yeah...that makes about as much sense as what you just sent to me.
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:38:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Simply great.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ah, using my state as an insult. You should be so lucky to live in Iowa. At least all the shit that's laying around here is pure. I swear they ship all the garbage off to New Jersey. Why insult Iowa? I mean, just because the only vegetables you scurvy Italians eat are directly related to pasta doesn't mean you have to knock on Iowa. And as for having a girlfriend, good for you man. If I wanted to have a girlfriend from New Jersey I would buy a fucking parrot.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poof? POOF?! Did you just use the word "poof" in an insult? Oh, that's right, you're from IOWA. How is it out there? How's your girlfriend doing? Is she still sleeping in the barn, laying in a pile of her own shit?
I'm sorry, thats mean. I'll let you get back to jerking off to "American Idol." The idea of that fat black judge gagging on your warm man goo must make you all tingly inside.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:29:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
..glad I can give quack one more reason to stay on Uber.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow... you guys are good at the insults. How can I ever learn to talk to people like that?
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:24:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That reply was pretty lame, Steve. And seriously, it's not deepthroating if it doesn't even reach her tongue you chode-having, hairy-assed, metrosexual, Italian poof.
Submitted by cwl989 (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I have Stephanie's number?
Awesome story man. But, can you say "jailbait?"
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:21:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AJ, I said your boyfriend, not the guy who has volunteered to take out the contract on your head. Have you ever held your brains in your hands before? Gimme 2 weeks, and you can play with it like Play-Doh.
P.S. - Your mom deepthroats.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:18:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Steve... I'm sorry your hairy Italian ass does not give me the ability to get it up. Maybe you should consider shaving it.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:16:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:14:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Stephanie, the 16 year old that works there has the hots for me. Don't get me wrong--she's hot. But she's 16. I'm 20. This is every ounce of wrong.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
God, Justin. We think too much alike. I have the same motherfucking problem.
************
No, Justins problem is that an illegal girl likes him. Your problem is that your penis is too small to reach any further than your boyfriends hairy ass cheeks, you fucking gonad!
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:15:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
<Ring> "Southeastern Meats. Nobody beats our meat!"
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Haha. That's great.
Unfortunately, our policy doesn't say anything about offering anal sex to those who call the restaurant.
Submitted by Zod (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:14:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Talking to Justin online 2 minutes ago:
"so i'm not the only one thinking 'i want to plug another dude's stink hole'"
Why read his posts when you get his material LIVE! I love you, Justy...in a totally heterosexual way. And i'm not handing out his screen name, that wouldn't be right.
And no, i'm not name-dropping, you stupid fucks. We're friends. We've been friends for months. There, that should stop that accusation before it starts...
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:14:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stephanie, the 16 year old that works there has the hots for me. Don't get me wrong--she's hot. But she's 16. I'm 20. This is every ounce of wrong.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
God, Justin. We think too much alike. I have the same motherfucking problem.
Submitted by UpwardsMotion (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha, hilarious.
Submitted by MadScientist (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:13:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There is a company here in Birmingham that sells steak, chicken, ribs, french fries, etc (frozen) in bulk. The name of the company is Southeastern Meats. This is the phone greeting:
<Ring> "Southeastern Meats. Nobody beats our meat!"
I shit you not.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:09:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a few typos-- sorry.
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thanks
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-04-19 00:05:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha.... Can I anal you....