Two women fucking or Playstation... now thats a toughie. (4825 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.58 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TripinDayZ (View user info) at 2004-04-19 17:17:55 EDT
Most of you men know, or think you know what you would choose given these two choices: Actual, live lesbian porn.... A round of Tiger Woods 2003 Golf on PS2. Here is how I stumbled upon that fork in the road that is my life; and how I chose the path NEVER FUCKING TAKEN!!!
I had been bartending a private party for about 30 men and women with more money than bowel control, pickling them from the inside out with martinis and 90/10 gin and tonics. My wife was at a co-worker's wedding reception so I decided I'd meet her there. Actually the free beer and cheap liquor decided I would meet her there. Anyway...
I arrive at the reception and notice my wife sitting with her boss Melanie and Trey, Mel's boyfriend. Damn my wife looked hot. Tight black dress that came down halfway over the tat on her right thigh, no sleeves, and much cleavage. A very welcome sight compared to the screening of Jurassic Crotch I had just endured at the party.
I sit down and proceed to throw back a few drinks, keeping it fairly cool as I have noticed my wife and Mel are slightly intoxicated and I know the night is young. They are sitting next to each other, singing, swaying, and the occasional dance, nothing major. They have been friends almost as soon as my wife started working for her and us as couples have done a few things together. Football games, occasional night out, nothing any different than what we were doing tonight, right? Oh, but it was different...
Flash to the bar, Papa's, after the reception
After what seemed like hours we finally get a table and sit. The drinks come and we are shooting the shit about life, work, click-click-bloody-click pancakes, you know the usual. Trey is fucking around, and slaps a quarter on the table, landing it in the glass.
<tink>
"That deserves a kiss!" shouts one of the girls (I forget which one initiated but truuuuuust me, it does NOT matter). No sooner is this said, Mel is leaning across the table and planting one on my wife's mouth. My wife and I have joked about threesomes before and actually, on our honeymoon I thought we had met the girl for us but that didn't work out. My point being I knew she wasn't TABOO on a little girl on girl action so her not reacting with anything more than a smile and a "yeah baby" wasn't too shocking, just a little fun purely there to taunt Trey and I right?
<tink>
"That deserves another" Trey and I quickly conclude. This one was much slower, much longer, and by no means a joking tease.
<tink> <tink> <tink>
By now we have about 4 tables watching us, cheering Trey and myself on. The rules have been set at a kiss reward for three consecutive tinkers. <tink> CHEER..quiet..quiet <tink> CHEER..quiet..quiet..<miss> GROANNNNN.....
Check please!!! - flash to Mel's house circa 1 a.m.
So here I am fucking hornier than Michael Jackson at a Wiggles concert with my wife, her boss, and Trey. I have already ruled out the possibility of an orgy. There is not enough alcohol in the world to make me able to function sexually while Trey is naked in the room. Lesbian porn, however, is fully emblazoned in my thoughts as the girls made me feel like the limo driver to their prom date on the way home. HOT, hot, hot,hot.... Moving on. I spied the PS2 after unsuccessfully trying to turn a board game into a strip game.
"Ok, for every birdie we make, you girls have to remove an article of clothing." They agreed.
Ding! There go the panties. I watch my girlfriend slink out of hers, too drunk now to even try to be discreet. Mel manages to yank hers off without me catching a glimpse of the goodies. Ding! There goes the bras.... Getting good yeah? Yeah I thought so too, but this is where things get hazy.
The last thing I remember is hearing them kind of mocking at us and I glanced over my shoulder to catch the loveliest sight in recent recorded history: my wife sitting next to her hot ass boss, both of them lifting their skirts up to reveal the kitty-kitty-bang-bang, no panties in sight, no bras. The 19th and 20th holes, if you will. Next thing I know, Trey and I are on hole 12 and Mel is crashed out, my wife not far behind her.
How did this happen? How did we just have two, fully drunk, partially naked women in our complete control and end up playing a game of golf on Playstation instead? This happened Saturday and here it is Monday afternoon and I still don't have an answer for that. Perhaps I never will.
Thankfully, when I realized what I had done on Saturday I did not have a gun handy so I am able to pass this story on. DRINKING IMPAIRS YOUR JUDGEMENT!!! Forget speeding, weaving, sleeping with the fat chick, drinking can lead to choosing video games over live lesbian porn.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-03-29 16:51:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-05-04 16:40:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, just......wow.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-04-22 15:45:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what. This is the internet. I think we all need to take it a little less seriously. I think your a good guy after reading your posts. Have another +2 because I think this is your best post yet.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-04-22 12:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No hard feelings shark. Thanks.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-04-22 08:52:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
O.K. I don't really like you all that much but after reading this I have to give you a sorry +2 for your story. Being a man I have to cry for you.
Submitted by SixPk2Go (user info) at 2004-04-20 21:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sadly for trip and I that night the last hole we saw was the 12th hole
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-20 19:35:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I'm going to go play some video games now. I hope I don't get too much into the game and forget about two lesbians who want to get steamy with each other right in front of me.
I'd probably shoot myself... twice.
Submitted by SixPk2Go (user info) at 2004-04-20 19:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to give this a +2 just because I was the other dumbass playing golf and it makes me feel better with +2 (not much better).
Next time Trip i think it is better if we stick to the Quarters thing <tink>
and the Red Bull and Vodka
for all of those who are wondering who won!!
If you can't figure it out by reading the story whe both lose and at in the end we Beat ourselves!!
Submitted by GassyGirl72 (user info) at 2004-04-20 18:47:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, you really are a dumb one. Two women, no panties, making out?
Whats better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
Not being a fucking Retard!!
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-04-20 11:35:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would be very interested in catching the next ubermadness. If anyone sees this that knows how to get goin in that, not including sexual favors for bart, id appreciate some info.
Submitted by MadScientist (user info) at 2004-04-19 23:00:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Because you had the balls to admit it to all of the UberUsers.
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-04-19 22:48:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was hilarious.
And Herpes...God damn you that was funny
Submitted by They_call_me_the_Fireman (user info) at 2004-04-19 22:16:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is some fuuny shit...
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-04-19 21:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont give alot of +2's . This was a great read, and anybody who thinks this is too long is an idiot.
BTW I have read your catalog and you have good shit. Enter the next Ubermadness, you'll go far.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-19 19:32:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well... DID YOU BEAT HIM OR WHAT???
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-04-19 19:12:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was quite funny. Borderline B@W...
As for having to be with the "in" crowd, that has nothing to do with getting on B@W. bart pretty much just has to think it's funny man. He's the only 'crowd' that needs convincing.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-04-19 18:13:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
heheh, if only i was in with the in crowd, that might be a possiblility.
"it's an honor just to be nominated".. yeah i totally see where that is bullshit.
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2004-04-19 18:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Know Your Roots.
Ass
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-19 17:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"So here I am fucking hornier than Michael Jackson at a Wiggles concert..."
+2 just for that.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:54:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NP, it was funny stuff!
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know this is lame as hell but that is prolly the biggest compliment i've had on my writing Percy. I truly appreciate that nomination.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:43:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W?
yes
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:35:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
why would you want to have a threesome on your honeymoon
magic--weep for the species... what the hell is marriage all about anymore?
============================================================================
We have for you at the station, two free tickets to the point of this story! Don't miss them like you missed it!
point - alcohol impairs judgement
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
why would you want to have a threesome on your honeymoon
magic--weep for the species... what the hell is marriage all about anymore?
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:29:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
alcohol is a hell of a drug......
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:25:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I swear to mel gibson this is a true story.
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:24:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh. My. God.
I'm not sure whether to congratulate you or weep for the species.
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:24:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
names have been changed to protect the innocent and the ignorant...
tried to keep it clean dear.
-the idiot
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:24:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I watch my girlfriend slink out of hers, too drunk now to even try to be discreet. Mel manages to yank hers off without me catching a glimpse of the goodies
-------------------------------------------------------------
I Thought she was your wife?
+1 because that made my Shenanagins-o-meter go off
Submitted by jillybean (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:23:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha... kicking yourself for that one, eh? hahahaha
Submitted by ktcschick (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:22:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And I still (amazingly) love you.
--the wife
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-04-19 17:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this was too long. sorry guys.