School Daze--or am I just being a selfish bitch? (441 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by okiwilltellyou (View user info) at 2004-04-21 10:22:39 EDT
I feel like a bit of a shit right now. I don't know if I am justified in having very selfish feelings or if rather I should deem myself as lazy and self centered. Some of you might remember that I have an autistic son--Ryan--wherein lies my source of guilt.
Currently, we have in-home therapy sessions for him--two therapists come at different times of the day to work with him. They also help teach me how to work in therapy for him while doing everyday tasks here at home. My husband is able to be here sometimes when he has a day off work, but if there is something new for us or Ryan, I normally need to catch him up to speed when he gets home.
Ryan will be turning four years old in a couple of months, and it has been proposed to my husband and I that he could be enrolled in a preschool for impaired students soon. Normally, when things pertain to Ryan, I want to know how it would affect him, how the proposed plan will benefit him, what should we expect to see from it, etc, etc, etc. But this time was a little different. Instead of my mind formatting the various questions that I would be asking, I found myself being elated at the thought of him possibly going!!! My mind started to whirl with all the things that I could be doing in those few hours of the day that he would be gone; shopping, visiting with friends, napping...and the list just got bigger.
Thankfully, my husband took charge and asked the necessary questions and told them we would get back with them with our decision. Me? I was now going through a mental checklist of things that could get done around the house, books that I have been wanting to read and movies that I could rent and catch up on. Oh wow, soon I will be able to know what all the controversy was about over Mel Gibson's movie!!!!
Yes, I know that sounded pathetic. But seriously,for the last few years we haven't been able to even watch an entire movie when we have rented it, either from having to deal with things that come up or from falling asleep before half of it is done.
"Honey? are you okay?...You look scared.", My husband says to me.
"Scared?, no, I'm not scared. Just thinking.", I tell him, feeling a bit ashamed of what was going through my mind. "Can we talk through this later? Susan will be here soon for Ryan's speech therapy and we have to get things ready."
User Reviews
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-04-21 12:57:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bitch or not...
Everyone needs ME time.
my friend MJ's son is 4 or 5 and is also autistic. She busts her ass to give that little guy every chance she can. She is a single mom so she destroys herself keeping things together. Yet she doesn't feel guilty at all when she is able to get some help and is able to take a day off.
having an autistic child can be very challenging and stressful, you spend so much time taking care of their needs and neglecting your own. but if your spirit withers, it will effect your child as well. Taking time for yourself will be good for you and your child.
-Turtle
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-04-21 12:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, I can't say if you are a bitch or not, but you are definitely NOT bein selfish!!!!
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-04-21 11:13:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really wanted to -2 this to be an ass... But I can't.
Submitted by okiwilltellyou (user info) at 2004-04-21 10:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And Loki, god, that is funny--but I am glad that I got the kinder side rather than what I have seen you dish out on other people!! ha ha ha.
really though, I envy your "bitchy" side....
wish I could bring myself to tell people what i really think instead of...Oh, but that will hurt their feelings
Submitted by Flak (user info) at 2004-04-21 10:50:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Take a break when you can get it. It doesn't sound like you are shipping him off to a work farm or dumping him in a regular day care. You are sending him to a place designed to address his specific needs and it may do him good. I would probably explore the option of part-time attendance. That way you would have a couple of days a week to preserve your sanity without sending your son away all day every day. BTW: Even parents of children with no special needs have these same "selfish" needs.
Submitted by okiwilltellyou (user info) at 2004-04-21 10:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, now I can let a breath out--
I didn't want to tell my husband about this for fear of what he would think of me.
But I just had to get it off my chest.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-21 10:36:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-04-21 10:36:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are absolutely not being selfish about this. Quite frankly I don't know how you do it. Do you know how many parents give up and institutionalize their kids with so-called special needs? Well, me either, but I know it happens because there are a lot of these kids in foster homes. You need time for yourself or you'll go nuts and that is not good for any of you.
I'm having some trouble with "my" autistic kid at karate. I can't get him to learn anything new these days. Normally I just let him do as much as he wants to but lately he's been getting really agitated when I try to teach him something new. I was going with the let Andy be Andy approach, but we had a big test earlier this month and since he refuses to learn what he needs for his next belt, he didn't test and I know it bothered him. Plus, his parents don't want him tested and properly diagnosed because they are afraid that he will end up labeled and have to go to a special school etc etc. The problem is that I can tell he's gotten worse over the last year and a half. AND the other kids are starting to lose patience and I have to bully them to work with him because he's "weird".
So to sum up, I work with a mildly autistic kid what 4 or 5 hours a WEEK and I'm going nuts. You're dealing with this 24-7, my god you are a walking miracle. He's lucky to have you as his parent. Don't sweat a little you time.
oh lord help me, it's the kinder more gentle side of loki
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-04-21 10:30:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Thats normal don't worry about it. Every parent needs a break. Even more so for parents of disabled children.
Submitted by hendrixjrr (user info) at 2004-04-21 10:29:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My brother's girlfriend has an autistic son, about the same age. After seeing her care for him, I can truly understand your sentiment. It's not selfish, it's natural.
Cheer up.
Submitted by dohnuts (user info) at 2004-04-21 10:26:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would say your thoughts sound perfectly normal...
I find myself thinking that way sometimes, and my son is perfectly healthy. I can't imagine the extra burden autism would entail.