I found true love (1011 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: goodfiction
Rating: 1.12 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by corn_nugget (View user info) at 2004-04-21 18:46:25 EDT
My mom says that her first impressions are never wrong. She says she was shocked the first night she met Johnny. It seems like my parents never approve of my decisions. No matter what I do... they think they know better.
Love is a personal thing, right? We all know that... Well... the story starts like this:
When I turned 24, I realized that I'd never find love. Nobody would ever want me... expecially not anyone rich or handsome or caring. So when Harrold asked me to marry him, I said yes. Not because I loved him, not because of his big cock... only because it seemed better to be married to someone that was mediocre than to spend my life alone.
I spent months preparing for the wedding... I was *so* glad that Bonnies Bridal Botique sold plus sizes... these dresses were still sexy! I sat for hours at the stationers, picking out the perfect invitations. The only thing Harrold helped me do was choose the food. He's one of those guys who lives for food, which isn't a surprising statement, seeing as how he weighed upwards of 400 pounds.
As we sat in the caterers office... both of us sweating and panting from the walk up two flights of stairs... I looked over at Harrold and realized that I WOULD be happy. It didn't matter that he wasn't my ideal man... at least he'd appreciate me for ME. I had been heavy my whole life... as a child I thought I'd never get married... but here I was... planning the dinner for my wedding reception! I was luckier than I had realized.
... Then Fate Intervened...
My best friend, Mary, planned my Bachelorette party. I had no idea what was in store for me...
The night before my wedding, my friends came to my house and blindfolded me... we all piled into my moms Dodge Caravan, and off we went. It wasn't hard to figure out where we were going... I live in a small town... and I knew we were on the way to the VFW hall on the corner. What I didn't know was that my life would change that night.
We hustled in, and they sat me down. The room was silent. Then the music started...
Slow and Rhythmic
bam bam bam
They took my blindfold off...
it was love at first sight.
******
Needless to say, I called the wedding off...
*****
My mom says that he's just a stripper... she says he's using me for my money. She's just mad because she's never experienced true love. She's never knew what it felt to feel all warm and tingly between her legs just by looking in her lovers eyes. It's even more exciting because I only see him on Thursday nights, at GiGi's... Yes... I drive all the way to Detroit to see my love-machine...
I oil him up before the show... no other woman has been in his dressing room before. Only Me. I'm special. Then I go wait my turn... standing next to the catwalk... $20 bills in hand. It's exciting for both of us for me to act like a stranger... he says he can't wait to consummate our relationship.. but he wants to take it slow... little by little... drag out the sexual tension...
No wonder I grew up thinking I was fat and ugly... it's my mothers fault! She doesn't think Johnny likes me for ME... oh, there must be SOME other reason... why is it so hard for her to believe that someone like Johnny loves me? Why? Because she's got low self esteem, and she's trying to drag me down!! Why can't I be happy!? l gk,nhjaSVfaSLK:D
oops, sorry... didn't mean to rant...
Here's a picture from the first night we met... I keep it framed, next to my bed... That's momma in the background.
User Reviews
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-04-25 17:46:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-04-22 02:13:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
"True love is hard to find. Sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend..."
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Old School..
ROCK!
+2 for the quote.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-04-22 15:11:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by The_Enforcer (user info) at 2004-04-22 14:58:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
even though strippers are going to hell.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-22 14:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-04-22 10:20:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Spike, I agree with you... but no matter how pretty you are, if you have low self esteem, you're going to think you're ugly... well, maybe not ALWAYS, but quite often. So I was angling more for the comedic rant when I was saying such things.
Confusion... you're just mad cuz it got you all hot and bothered... it's okay to be confused about your sexuality. We'll like you either way.
Shandy... ah, we happily survived our first uber-lovers quarrel! Kisses and Hugs all around!
AJ... thanks for blessing me with your +2.
Submitted by stevo (user info) at 2004-04-22 08:13:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet that guy has a small body builder peener.......
HAWT
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-22 06:54:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think what bart's trying to say is... true love is blind.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-04-22 04:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"""Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-04-22 00:41:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
i'd certainly root her!
but would probably draw the line at her mum, under normal circumstances """
I was thinking that.
But then i'll fuck anything
Submitted by Confusion (user info) at 2004-04-22 03:19:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That was awful. Awful.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-04-22 02:13:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"True love is hard to find. Sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend..."
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-04-22 01:26:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WHAT IN THE FUCK? DID SHE DRUG HIM?
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-04-22 00:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just in case i'm accused of currying favour by pretending to be a sensitive nice guy, here's proof that fat is no barrier to shandy's powers of arousal: http://www.ubersite.com/m/15273
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-04-22 00:41:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'd certainly root her!
but would probably draw the line at her mum, under normal circumstances
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-04-22 00:32:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, I think that girl is actually really pretty. Yeah, she's fat, but she's also pretty. Sometimes the two aren't mutually exclusive, IMO.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-04-22 00:19:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so he's FICTIONAL eh??
alright, all is forgiven!
i'll call off those guys i paid to beat the shit out of the evil stripper.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-04-21 23:02:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sans comment except: Why would you tease these people with what you look like? You get my +2.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-04-21 22:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nah, I just wanted to post that picture.
Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2004-04-21 21:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this real?
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-04-21 20:56:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-04-21 20:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Are you people looking at the moms FACE?! ARE YOU!? That's pure gold.
And sorry, bob... I was trying to protect your identity.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2004-04-21 20:36:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how many times do i have to tell you that my name is bob, not johnny.
sheesh.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-04-21 19:45:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It sad when the woman *still* has bigger arms than Mr Muscle Man. I know how that feels.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-04-21 19:29:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-21 19:29:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry to break your heart but I bet he's got Herpes from all those womenz
Submitted by shandythedoggod at 2004-04-21 19:26:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
harlot!
Submitted by Captain_MotherFucking_Foamy (user info) at 2004-04-21 19:14:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.goaskalice.com/1875.html
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-04-21 19:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My +2 doesn't count anyways...
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-04-21 19:09:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey CockNuggets, quit hit-whoring!
Or, if you're going to use my post to whore yourselves, at LEAST give it a plus two...
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-04-21 19:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mine's better.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/30940
Submitted by Jocko_Johnson (user info) at 2004-04-21 19:04:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
funny, but not as funny as this:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/30941
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-21 18:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
After reading the title and author, I knew this had to be a joke.
And then there was this fear. Fear that you could have honestly been writing about me. We both know that every woman who has ever met me has fallen deeply in love with me. I can't help it, it's just the way I am.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-04-21 18:54:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really don't know what to say... sorry?