Science Proves What Women Have Known All Along (769 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.71 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ~JP (View user info) at 2004-04-21 21:38:09 EDT
Yes, my fellow male species, it's true. Men were cut out of the biological cycle in Japan when live mice were created using only female DNA. Currently, human reproduction by these means is an infeasible suggestion due to physical and ethical limitations, but the study does open up a new field of exploration in the area of non-traditional babymaking.
The possibilities of this study bring out the Maddox within me. So let's look at some of the benefits of this study applied on a human level...
Benefits:
1) The elimination of war. Women don't have the innate violent urges that men have. The Iraq war would have gone way differently on a planet of women. Bushette would have called up all of Miss Hussein's friends and told a nasty secret about her. Then she'd just scream at Miss H. until the latter breaks down into a crying, screaming frenzy. Hussein would hand over her nukes, then go have a pint of Ben & Jerry's with Bushette and watch Titanic.
2) Nobody would ever get lost. Though their sense of direction is painfully skewed, women aren't afraid to ask the nearest creepy gas station owner how to get from A to B. Hm...but we'd have to find at least one woman with a sense of direction so she could be creepy and run a gas station.
3) "Queer Eye For the Straight Guy" would be an impossible and useless show. 'Nuff said.
4) If that all-male planet ever finds Earth in this state, the invaders will most certainly come in peace. Probably with flowers and wine too.
5) The net IQ of the world would probably increase. Not because girls are necessarily smarter, but because (unlike guys) girls have more common sense than a rock. As a guy, I freely and proudly proclaim my profound lack of common sense and douchebagery (yeah, new douche word) that comes with the territory.
6) No more Ben Affleck, Leo, Backstreet Boys, N*SYNC, Keanu Reeves, Kenny G, Richard Nixon, or George Bush (couldn't resist).
But not everything about the massive island of Lesbos will be good...
Consequences:
1) Nobody would ever speak to anybody else. Face it, girls hate each other. Guys can go through life without ever raising their voice to another guy. Maybe a fist or two, but guys never inflict the emotional pain and suffering that girls love so dearly.
2) TV would suck. It would just be soap operas and sitcoms, without men of course. What would you think of "Wilma and Grace" or "Hope and Faith"? Which reminds me. Have you ever watched that shitty show? I accidentally saw like 5 minutes of it and had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hm, "The Real World" with only girls might be a bit interesting, though I'd be surprised if they could get through the first week without lighting the house on fire.
3) Sort of related to the last one, but movies would be awful too. Imagine an action movie where only the chicks are participating. Like "Charlotte's Angels" or something. Man, that would suck. Or "Against the Ropes" without all the hitting and bad male acting. Or, say, "Titanic" without Leo. Wait, nevermind, that would be much desired.
4) Well, I guess the lack of quality entertainment wouldn't matter all that much. With no teenage boys around the house, women will have absolutely no way to turn on (or off) the TV, VCR, DVD, or any other technological acronym.
5) Blogs would be unbearable. With a few exceptions, the blogs of 13-19 year-old girls are painfully annoying. This wouldn't be such a problem if it were your regular brand of annoying, but it's like aneurysm-inducing, computer-sparking, gopher-exploding annoying (and the first person who says "LOL @ ur post" gets it Maddox-style to the gut).
6) No more BNL, DMB, Rascal Flatts, John Mayer, James Taylor, The Beatles, John Kerry, Maddox, or (most importantly) yours truly.
I think that's enough.
I feel much better now, even though all I've proven is that I'm a gigantic asshole. That's OK.
User Reviews
Submitted by malefic (user info) at 2005-11-26 19:25:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
A bunch of dumb, unfunny generalizations. Well done.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-11-26 19:23:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
revolutionary
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2005-11-26 19:16:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Much Fun!
Submitted by jeetkunetony (user info) at 2004-04-22 01:44:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2004-04-22 01:31:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Read the comic series "Y: The Last Man on Earth"... as the title suggests it's about the last man on Earth (all the others died instantly due to an unknown virus or something [it hasn't been explained yet] that only effects the Y chromosome). It's really fucking good.
Submitted by Therighteouswicked (user info) at 2004-04-22 00:16:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amen baby.
Submitted by 2_shit_faced (user info) at 2004-04-22 00:05:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
i dont think u truly understand what ur talking about u sexist person
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-22 00:04:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for being obsolete!
Submitted by vergedor (user info) at 2004-04-21 23:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
War = men and violence = men is just not true. It's a myth. In history, the few women that ruled nations were mostly cruel ruthless dictators that would make Saddam or Ossama look like schoolboys. Read the Story of Civilization from Will Durant, all 10 000 pages of it.
If war is in the nature of men, how come a 1000 years of peace reigned on South America 5000 years ago? The science of archeology argued for the most part of the 20th century that war was in the nature of men and was responsible for the leap from the wild to civilization. Recent discoveries in south america demonstrated that commerce caused that leap. There was no war for a 1000 years. If war was truly in our nature, that feat would have been impossible.
War is motivated by either religious/ideological madness or cupidity/jealousy of the wealth of others. Most of the time, leaders would use the religious/ideological madness to justify the real economical reasons behind their wars. The Bush administration is a prime example of that.
Why do men want to be rich, powerful and dominating? Instinctively, it is to impress the women. Women are turned on by money, power, prestige and success... not the personality, the lenght of the dick or the fucking sense of humour. Behind each great men are cunning women manipulating him to new heights of power, wealth and prestige. If we fight for them, boy are they turned on.
A world without women would be an eternal party of men around the fire, doing drugs, playing music or sports or games, with almost no language skills, and no hygiene. There would be no wars nor progress.
There is no fury in hell like a woman's scorn... Just look what happens when someone messes with Loki around here.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2004-04-21 23:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LOL @ your post
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-04-21 22:55:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A woman
Yes that may be true but it was only for a week at a time.
-Turtle
Submitted by ExplodingGopher (user info) at 2004-04-21 22:08:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sumyumguy, you're a moron. That's all I have to say.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-21 22:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yayyyyyy
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2004-04-21 21:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I have no idea what to think of this post, cause in some ways i agree but in some ways I seriously don't....
Submitted by A woman at 2004-04-21 21:53:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As a woman, I can see all of your points except the elimination of war. The most violent periods in history are because of woman rulers.
Submitted by Magno (user info) at 2004-04-21 21:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2004-04-21 21:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"even though all I've proven is that I'm a gigantic asshole."
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heheh. +1 for douchebagery.
Submitted by SumYumGuy (user info) at 2004-04-21 21:45:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It was a +2 until you mentioned John Kerry.
I can't stand that hypocritical faggit, but that's another day, another post away