Happiness is… hurting and not caring. (1023 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.57 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ossum.at.ossum.dot.net (View user info) at 2004-04-23 13:59:46 EDT
I wake every morning, not because I wish to, but because this is what normal people do. I shower and shave and dress. I put on my glasses and shoes. Some mornings I head to work, some to class. I work and I study and I complete assignments, because this is what the world requires of me. This is what normal people do.
I do laundry. Wash in cold, rinse in cold, dry on low heat; This helps avoid shrinking the clothes. I hang up the pants. I fold the shirts and try not to think of her. I tuck the socks into themselves and put them in the drawer.
These are things normal people do.
I eat. Pizza. Hamburgers. Tacos. Sandwiches. Cereal. Cookies. Rice. They are all the same, indistinguishable. I put the food in my mouth, chew, swallow.
My stomach, being a normal persons' stomach, accepts the pulp dumped into it from my esophagus. The bile, being relatively average, digests and dissolves. My intestines absorb nutrients and pass the rest along.
I shit.
I breathe.
These are things normal people do.
If I were to bump into someone on the street, I would excuse myself. Were I to get in an accident, I'd pleasantly exchange information and wait for the police. Were I to get a ticket, I'd calmly pay it.
I pay my taxes. I pay off my car loan. I pay for my insurance, my food, my clothes, my shelter.
These are things normal people do.
I pretend I don't miss her. I spend a lot of time drunk. I spend a lot of time pretending I don't know what the barrel of a shotgun tastes like, or how it feels to be close to driving the claw end of a hammer into my skull, chest, throat. These are not things normal people know.
I pretend I don't need help, but this is a lie. I pretend I want help, and this is also a lie.
I write. Music, lyrics, prose, essays, stories. I draw. Mostly her. It's the only way I will ever see her smile again... Only in drawings, photographs, paintings and memories.
It's been seven weeks, and I feel like I did the first day. Seven weeks, and I'm still walking around with a knife sticking from my gut. Seven weeks and I still dream of her every night, still wake up happy and ready to call her, before I remember.
If I'm lucky, I'm not crying when I wake up. Normal people don't do that.
I try to forget what it was like to be happy. How things were is gone. How things were is impossible. How things were makes me crazy.
Happiness is... hurting and not caring.
User Reviews
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2005-02-25 21:17:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
made me think
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-21 12:19:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this.
Some days I feel the same way.
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2004-12-08 23:55:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
cry me a fucking river
you think you are the only one who wants a one way ticket out of this shithole? Get real
oh, and stop crying
Submitted by jenngd9 (user info) at 2004-12-05 23:37:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-10-27 16:44:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-25 14:18:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"(Yes, I have a little set of jurors, they live in my panties). "
China could live there fatty.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-24 23:13:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-24 13:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-04-24 05:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So very, very good. Pay no attention to the 'quit whining' comments. They come from stunted little bonsai souls.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-24 05:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Uhmm... did I write this?
Submitted by Trishtopher (user info) at 2004-04-24 03:16:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Has a great flow to it.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-24 03:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really good. Seven weeks is nothing, but it will get easier. When it's all said and done and you are back to your old self again you will realize that you are stronger because you survived the pain.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-04-23 20:39:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How does repeating the same sentence make writing good? I see a lot of it in posts considered 'good'...is it because it makes prose almost like poetry? Or because repetition is pleasing in text?
My jury is out on this.
(Yes, I have a little set of jurors, they live in my panties).
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-04-23 20:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for your comments, everyone. This is my first submission. I don't mind criticism, but random crap like "stop whining" doesn't help anyone.
Submitted by GreaterThanBest (user info) at 2004-04-23 17:53:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To be truely happy, one must be willing to lose all that makes them happy.
kinda like
We have to die before we can truely live.
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-04-23 15:53:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Quit whining, bitch.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-04-23 15:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep busy, she'll go away.
Go to a gym...it helps.
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-04-23 15:28:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hang in there. I just had a friend kill himself the other day because his wife left him. It ain't worth it.
Submitted by MrB (user info) at 2004-04-23 15:23:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was an excellent display of proper writing!
Hope you get over her soon mate. I always tell myself she ain't worth my sorrow.
Granted, shorftly afterwards i'll be sobbing again...heh
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-04-23 15:03:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, aside from the taste of a gun barrel, all of what you wrote IS what "normal" people do.
Don't kid yourself, we're all fucked up.
Cheers.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:49:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You need a hobby. (Just kidding)
Powerful stuff...
Submitted by davidarnaud (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:08:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we've all been there buddy. just remember, 7 weeks is nothing. however long you were with this girl divide by 2. that's the amount of time it will take until you have completely forgotten her. between now and then just remember you're heading in the right direction.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:06:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
did we step into a fucking ubersite time warp back to the days when the posts were good and the people nice?
read TaK's "Ghost" post. it's somewhere on the best ever list.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What will said
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:02:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I concur.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:01:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 but sad.