The Boy Scouts: Teaching More than How to Make a Fire (1800 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.65 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Phoenix <volklcess.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-04-23 14:16:11 EDT
The summer before my sophomore year of high school I went to Boy Scout camp. Wait, Erika, aren't you a girl? <eyes shift from side to side> Is there something you're not telling us? No. Rest assured I've always been female. My ex-boyfriend, being an ex-camper himself had been invited to be a supervisor and had, in turn, invited me, a :::gasp::: blossoming 15-year old girl to come along for a weekend with a handful of pre- and early teen boys. And their mothers.
We packed up my ex's Subarus with all of our camping supplies and headed out to the campsite in the lovely setting of the Middle of Nowhere, complete with bears, bugs and poison ivy, but who was I to complain? I loved camping.
As we bounced down the dirt road into the campground I could see the busy hustle of a handful of boys in silly uniforms gleefully setting up their tents. It was like the building of the pyramids on a much smaller scale...and without the whole slavery thing...Little boys doing what little boys do best - playing in the dirt. As I stepped out of the car I was stung repeatedly by the piercing glare of many a skeptical mother's eyes. Who's that girl? Why in the world is there a 15-year old girl at Boy Scout camp? That harlot (because mother's of 10 - 13 year old boys are the only ones who use words like "harlot" and "hussy")!
Little did these poor, naive mothers know that I was the least of their problems.
As night fell and everyone gathered around the campfire to eat barbequed food and sing ridiculous campfire songs, my ex excused himself from the hand-holding love session saying he had to, "uh, take care of some things." I rolled my eyes and pulled my blanket closer around my shoulders, shielding myself from the killer stares of mothers who were now so distraught about my presence they were foaming at the mouth.
Shortly after my ex left the fire I noticed that slowly some of the boys were excusing themselves from the circle, each of them equipped with their own excuse for why were they were leaving and some of them just slipping away without a word, sliding into the shadows in the same general direction my ex had headed. The crowd around the fire had been filtered to the younger boys, me, and mothers who were convinced I was a troublemaker and had kept watch of me so intently they failed to notice the older boys' absence. Ugh, how dare my ex leave me to fend for myself among a group of murder happy mothers convinced of their sons' innocence! I stood up and mumbled something about having to go to the bathroom and felt all mothers eyes follow me as I disappeared into the dark sanctuary of the trees, trekking my way blindly in the direction the rest of the boys had headed.
Up ahead through the dark looming shadows of trunks and bushes, I saw a light and followed it. So what if I ended up in some redneck's yard and got chased away with a rifle? It was better than being the only 15-year old girl in a group of little boys and their over protective mothers. Luckily the light wasn't a bug light swaying on the porch of some heehaw's trailer, emitting that annoyingly low hum. It was the dome light of my ex's Subaru and the light of 15 or so flashlights held by 15 or so nervous little boys.
He had his trunk open and scattered on the ground behind his car were a few a boxes. Instinct told me to stop before any of these seemingly paranoid boys spotted me, so I stayed hidden in the shadows of the woods.
"Alright, if you guys want a magazine, I'll let you view them for $2 a piece. $4 to keep them for the whole night. I've got Playboy, Hustler, Penthouse--" Oh my God this 18-year old man was making a profit of horny 11, 12, and 13 year old boys. It brought a whole new meaning to entrepreneurship "--if you want to watch the video, it'll be $10 a person." Video? Hooked up to the cigarette lighter was a little TV equipped with a stack of what I assumed to be pornos. Ha. Subaru - Driven By What's Inside. I get it now.
I felt bad being a part of the exploitation of pre-teen boys - little boys who weren't even in high school yet! Little boys who couldn't even sum up the courage to ask a girl to dance at a school dance! (Keeping in mind that this is 7 years ago and times sure have changed.) And here they were bidding on nudie magazines and the opportunity to watch a porn while their mothers - who thought that having a 15-year old girl at a Boy Scout camp was a bad idea - were sitting no more than 50 feet away singing Kum-by-Ah thinking about how great it was their special little man was a Boy Scout.
Undetected I wandered back to the warm glow of the camp fire and the harsh stares of mothers. They glared at me when I returned, all of them wondering if I'd *really* gone to the bathroom or if I was up to whatever hijinx 15-year old girls are up to. I shook my head in dismay. They're thinking I'm a hussy and I'm thinking they're poor poor ignorant women with very misconstrued ideas of their precious babies.
I climbed into my sleeping bag that night laughing to myself at the irony - here are these moms thinking they should keep their eye on me when really it's the guy they thought was so stand-up, the handsome 18-year old role model their sons should all look up to and admire who's supplying their boys with boxes of Playboys and Hustlers and Penthouses.
I drifted off to sleep and awoke in the blue light of early morning to the sound of the zipper on our tent. A Playboy landed squarely on my head and a prepubescent voice could be heard whispering hoarsely, "Hey, Gregg, I'm done with that one. Could I get another?"
Wholesome, well-rounded boys indeed!
User Reviews
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-06-13 19:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 because I can't +4 this.
+3 because this was a great post.
+1 because I have that same exact playboy edition.
Submitted by melorthedelerious <melkorthedelerious.at.hotmail.> at 2004-05-10 15:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I remember my first boyscout trip fondly. We were camping on some BFE property owned by a former scout leader of my troop. I rode my first dirtbike, fired my first rifle, and chugged my first bottle of Jack Daniels with the senior patrol leader.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-05-10 15:29:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hah! I missed this. Boy and Girl scout camps are such dens of iniquity.
Submitted by Dufflady (user info) at 2004-04-28 14:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was so hoping they weren't out there beating off together. Thank god they were just doing it alone in their tents.
Submitted by vergedor (user info) at 2004-04-28 14:29:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck off and die
Submitted by Mr-Boo (user info) at 2004-04-26 10:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-04-25 03:01:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-04-24 07:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was really going to punish you with a -1 because you jacked my picture.
But I wuv wu.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-04-23 19:07:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At first I thought this was going to be some issue-awareness post about child abuse.
But it wasn't, and that makes it the kicker of all ass.
Submitted by bluerampage2 (user info) at 2004-04-23 18:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I definitely thought you were going to say your ex was ass-humping the little boys. +1 for the twist.
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-23 18:13:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-04-23 16:02:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Agent Smith <smith.at.fbi.gov> at 2004-04-23 15:43:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm going to need the name of that ex-boyfriend.
Submitted by Famous Mortimer <eatme.at.fuckyou.com> at 2004-04-23 15:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Doesn't the scout master just usually touch their buttholes?
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-04-23 15:34:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Corporate America - getting started early. You exercised powerful self control not to burst out laughing at the first sight of it.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-04-23 15:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Reminded me of when I went to camp and the older boys were always trying to get the younger ones to do weird shit.
They stopped fucking with me when I pulled a knife on em when they tried to screw with my tent one night.
-Turtle
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-04-23 15:05:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love how you all assume I was sleeping with him. I was still an innocent little virgin then and at the time I went to the Boy Scout camp with him, he was already my ex.
:-P
Phoenix
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-04-23 15:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-04-23 15:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You should have sent the mothers to lynch him
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-23 14:57:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
He was doing a 15yr old and he was 18 and you were surprised he was supplying them with that stuff ;p. That's classic! It's good to see you started your sluthood early in life, more girls should follow your example.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by reallybored (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:53:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you boyfriend get laid that night?
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SeaDog is an Eagle Scout - I have heard stories. I was kind of glad to hear that they were not just total geeks.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:31:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Anjie - the moms that went were along as chaperones, I guess.
-Phoenix
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA - what were mothers doing at a boy scout campout???
I've been a girl scout for 19 years and I don't remember parents going on our campouts? I also know that the first BJ I ever gave was in San Diego on a Girl Scout trip. Let me tell you, girl scouts taught me way more then selling cookie....
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:22:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This Gregg cat sounds like a real catch
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:21:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 again. I actually liked the third paragraph as an introduction.
Thanks for making me smile.
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 again
makes more sense now with the opening
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-04-23 14:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Disregard the first one. In my hustle of cutting and pasting I forgot the first two paragraphs.