Circles are forever (871 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.73 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by lessthanfour <ossum.at.ossum.dot.net> (View user info) at 2004-04-25 20:55:17 EDT
I remember how I had to fight for her, in the beginning. She was the world's most unlikely ice queen, but making a passable go at it, nonetheless. Her heart had been broken, and at the tender age of sixteen she had decided that that was it for her, she'd cashed in her chips, she would never love again. She was whoring herself out to anyone who would give her attention, and had no intention of changing. I had to fight, claw, kick and scream to win her, warm her, hold her.
I remember winning her, and how good it felt. Triumphant isn't even the beginning.
I remember when we used to be able to talk. About anything, nothing, everything. We'd spend hours on the phone (and I hated talking on the phone before her) whispering, shouting, giggling, sharing, crying. Each morning, for near an entire summer, I'd wake up to the ring of my phone and her sweet, sexy voice on the other end: "Good morning, sleepyhead!"
I remember the letters and notes we'd write when we were forced to be away, scrawled on the back of register tape, cute stationery, entire notebooks. The drawings, the inside jokes, the stars and hearts and circles. "Instead of a heart, write your love's name inside a circle. Hearts may be broken, circles are forever."
I remember how we would wait on the computer for the other to show up. We would forgo fun and friends rather than risk missing even one second of chats. Work schedules were rearranged and hours were spent driving, just to hold each others hand, to kiss each other, to make love.
I remember getting caught, the telephone conversation with your father, the letter, meeting her parents at dinner. She told me what her mother said: "I was ready to call him a scumbag, I was ready to hate him, but he's really a nice guy." I slept on your floor, on your couch, in your laundry room. We had great laughs at having to keep the door open "to let the air circulate"... we had lots of laughs, smiles, good times.
I remember loving her scandalously, innocently, passionately.
I remember being happy.
I remember when things started to turn sour. I started to notice that instead of excited, I felt annoyed. Instead of happy, I was tolerant. Shortness and sarcasm replaced patience.
I remember I was getting tired, and she was getting scared. The colder I got, the more she tried to make me smile. The more space I needed, the more she shoved herself in front of me. She might as well have screamed, "Look at me! I am here and I love you!" The harder she tried, the less I cared.
I remember how I would get in her face every time she would do something I didn't agree with.
I remember when she made the trip up here for my birthday... it was the first time I didn't meet her at her car—I was "busy" mixing a song. I heard the dog barking and ran up the stairs in time to greet her at the door, her arms full of backpacks and presents and brownies and balloons.
I remember rolling my eyes at the balloons.
I remember the hurt look on her face.
I remember how we weren't... us for the rest of the night. How I was unresponsive and cold, and how she was hurt and afraid to say anything. We had sex, but it wasn't making love. We went to dinner, but the spark wasn't there.
I remember how she kissed me on the cheek and put her head on my shoulder while I was playing guitar, and how it pissed me off.
I remember how I thought about breaking up with her.
I remember how terrified I got when I realized that she was breaking up with me.
I remember how I begged, pleaded, cried. How she cried and did what she had to, for her own happiness, and mine. She left, the next morning. I called her and begged, pleaded, cried for her to turn around.. but she kept going. I called again... but she kept going.
I remember how she smells, how she tastes, how she feels. I remember the touch of her hand against my thigh, the curve of her body against mine, the softness of her skin. The image of her smile (not her "I'm having my picture taken" smile, but her "I'm so happy to see you I'm afraid I might burst" smile) is permanently etched in my memory.
All I have are memories, and I wish to God I didn't.
User Reviews
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2005-01-29 16:04:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, THAT certainly made me feel like shit. Reminds me of a breakup I had.
So, thanks for that, you big jerk.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-12-21 12:51:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sad indeed!
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2004-12-05 23:49:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy crap.
As I was reading this, I really really -really- thought it was my ex, who frequents this site, writing this.
That was scary, and hit a little too close to home.
Submitted by jenngd9 (user info) at 2004-12-05 23:36:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-10-27 16:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-07-13 15:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is awesome! What is it with we musicians that we find playing our instruments more soothing than a loving embrace?...only to come to regret it in time.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-28 16:48:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lessthanfour, you are totally rad. If I were gay, I'd have hot steamy netsex with you.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-04-26 22:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-26 22:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-04-26 12:00:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written and hits home too easily.
It's a mistake you don't make twice.
Submitted by MrWillard (user info) at 2004-04-26 01:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*sigh* yeah.....been there.
thank you for your patronage.
Submitted by davidarnaud (user info) at 2004-04-25 23:33:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
isn't that just how the world works? you have two choices, either wise up on your own, or just give in to the male urge to be an asshole and read this book. it's a bit hard to get ahold of, but it will change your life.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0963582607/qid=1082950276/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/103-4739359-3382211?v=glance&s=books
Submitted by lessthanfour (user info) at 2004-04-25 22:03:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Variety is the spice of life, true.. but I firmly believe in "Write what you know."
Submitted by nonconformist (user info) at 2004-04-25 21:49:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, thats depressing, i think i may kill myself now
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-25 21:42:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I remember...that you've done something similar to this :P
Variety's the spice of life!