Floating (1033 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.59 on 65 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Uber Madness 2004 (View user info) at 2004-04-26 19:50:37 EDT
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Entry 1
FloatingI looked back at my life and remembered all the great times I had. Every summer my family would go camping in the Shenandoah Valley. The river, the back roads and trails provided tons of places for inquiring minds to explore and to learn. The first year we went, we crossed over a bridge, and underneath us floating down the river were dozens of people on rafts and inner tubes. I was so excited because I wanted to do it too.
"Hey Dad" I asked tentatively?
"What is it boy?"
"Are we going do that?" I pointed out the window down to the tubers meandering down the river.
"We sure are son, after we get camp set up." He explained.
I was so excited I thought I was going to burst. I was so full of exuberant energy my dad lost his patience with me more than once. I had seen people do it on TV and it looked like so much fun. Just to be able to relax, enjoy the ride, and swim if I wanted to. I even made up a little song that I sang loudly and amused my little sisters to pass the time..
Tubing down the windy river
Waters warm so I won't shiver
If I fall off I won't care
I'll be swimming in my underwear
Floating down the river is so cool
I think I gonna be a floating fool
If I could float and have a wish
I wish my pal was a talking fish
After the third or twelfth rendition both my parents were less amused and had had enough and silenced me and my song. We wound around the mountains and finally pulled into the camping spot my dad had found when he was hunting deer the winter before. The campsite was well off the main road and hidden behind a dense stand of trees on a low hill. The remains of Dad's old campfire ring marked the middle of the clearing and the ground was nice and flat for our tent. There was a small creek fed by cold springs further up the mountain that fed into the main river. Tall trees with their roots twisted deep into the banks stretched out over the water. Sunlight filtered down through the branches and the wind caused the light to shift and move. I was entranced by the minnows as they flickered and danced in the water as sunlight reflected off their scales. My reverie broke when Mom called me to the tent to change into my swim trunks. I grinned and ran back as fast as I could.
We waited near a bend in the road for the truck to come and pick us up. Tubing was so popular that a few locals would turn a small profit every season ferrying campers. You had to walk if you forgot to get out of the water and missed the end of the line. My sisters were clad in life-jackets and wore their orange inflatable armbands like proud warriors ready to battle. Mom and dad both had on their "sun" hats and sun glasses. Dad also was carrying an ice chest with drinks and snacks. I had lain down on my inner tube and hung my head back and stared at the sky and clouds. I rocked and bounced back and forth and pretended I was going down some rapids out of control.
"Knock it off boy," Dad barked. "You might put a hole in it."
"Sorry," I mumbled and stood up. I hooked my tube up over my arm and picked it up off the ground. Making a show of it I inspected the tube and dusted it off. I smirked with private defiance with my over obedience. Further discussion on the subject was cut short as a truck came around the bend and honked its horn. The truck pulled up and the driver's weathered face crinkled like old leather when he grinned at us.
"Going up the river, dollar a piece folks." He drawled
Dad slipped him a five and we clambered and climbed into the back of the beaten, old, hay truck. The extra wide bed was bordered with wooden slats and the benches on were crafted from hay bales covered with old blankets. Dad rapped his hand to signal to the driver we were all aboard and ready to go. The truck lurched forward and began its trek upriver, every few minutes it stopped and another group of passengers boarded. Dad planned our seating well, he was stuck helping people on but it meant we got off first. . The truck filled quickly and had to turn away many potential customers. The closer we got to the exit point the more excited I got. The more people I saw on foot meant the closer we were, and when the driver stopped the truck I leaped out and started walking towards the riverbank.
"Slow down sport, wait for the rest of us," Mom chided playfully.
"But Mom," I whined. "I just wanted to get a good spot, I don't wanna miss anything."
"Well it's not a race, so wait up, ok?"
"They're so slow Mom."
Dad shot me a warning look and I backed off the battle, I didn't want to walk back to camp. I lead the way as the bold scout and ensured the way was safe for everyone else but when we got to the waters edge Dad took control.
"OK we have two things to look for. First look for the fire watch tower. That means our camp is coming up soon. Then look for our flag. When you see it, head to the shore, camp is right there." Dad explained. "If you get too far down river, you have a long walk. Is everyone ready? Good, let's go."
Dad waded out first and helped Mom get the girls situated on their inner tubes. He tied the foam ice chest on to the back of his tube with a long piece of yellow nylon rope. He said it was so that he could protect the food from the sneaky underwater cave bears but I wasn't fooled. This was coming from the same man who tried to convince me that deer droppings were nature's jellybeans. Mom said he was trying to stay close to his beer. Additional lengths of yellow rope tethered my sisters to Mom's tube and I alone remained free to travel at will.
Kim and Katrina floated with the current and busied themselves splashing each other while they waited for Mom to lift her feet and take them downriver. Dad settled down in his tube and pushed off from shore with the ice chest in tow. Mom leaned back and lifted her feet and the current dragged all three of them leisurely southward. I threw my tube into the river and got a running start off the bank and leaped.
I flew through the air, back arched and my eyes on target. I outstretched my arms and my glee transformed to fear with the grim realization I had not accounted for the current. Time slowed, I flailed, but the inevitable occurred anyway. My belly flop slapped the water and echoed like a gunshot and I went under. The water choked off my scream and I broke the surface of the water and sputtered. I pulled myself up onto my tube and turned over and got comfortable, my bright red belly announced my stupidity for all to see. Dad and my sisters all laughed, Mom at least tried to comfort me without snickering too much.
We floated down the river and the sun climbed into the sky. Kim and Kat orbited Mom like two crazy moons, their paths intersected quite often and resulted in one or the other dumped and floundering until Mom or Dad rescued. Around noontime we reeled in the ice chest, and tied all the tubes together and made a flotilla. We ate our lunch under the shaded side of the river and floated onward.
"Look Mom I can make my bread disappear." Katrina announced. She was tossing bits of her sandwich crusts into the river. As we watched the bread disappeared beneath the surface with a splash and a ripple.
"Whoa," I breathed, "that's a big fish."
"That's a hybrid carp son. Not a very shy one either."
"Will it eat me?" Kim asked, edges of fear tainted her voice.
"No sweetie, you'll be fine. Now if we were out on the ocean you'd make fine shark bait."
"You're not funny Bob. You're going to give these kids a complex."
"Relax Bernita, they know I am kidding. I think I am hilarious, the kids do too, right kids?"
"Kids don't answer that and finish eating and pass me your trash when you're done."
The rest of the meal was carried out in near silence except for the barely contained fits laughter of my sisters twittered of in when another piece of bread crust met its end. I finished my slightly mushy peanut butter and jelly sandwich, slurped the rest of my drink box and passed my garbage to Mom. She collected up all the flotsam, wadded it in a plastic bag and stuck it down in the ice chest. Dad hated litterbugs.
"Remember kids, no swimming for at least thirty minutes and try not to get sunburned."
The sun continued westward and the shadows leaned the other way and grew longer.
We continued our journey down river and paused and swung several times at the rope swing. Dad pretended to be mutant carp and attacked our feet with vicious stealth tickles.
We floated over gentle rapids and whooped and hollered. It was all but too soon when the fire watch tower crept into sight.
"Ok kids, what are we looking for?" Dad asked.
"The flag!!!" all three of us kids responded.
"Ok spotter gets to pick dessert after dinner."
Dad always somehow had worked spotting a target or finding a detail into raising us. He always wanted us to be able to tune into our environment and be able to spot the one detail out of place.
"Flag!" I shouted triumphantly a few minutes later.
"Good job eagle eye. So what's for dessert? S'mores or apple cobbler?"
"S'mores, s'mores, " my sisters pleaded to me.
"I want apple cobbler, with vanilla ice cream if we have any." I stated firmly and paddled towards shore.
The sun slowly set in the west and time passed.
My sisters and I grew up and so did our rafting trips and by college our family trips to the wilderness and whitewater were better every year. Dad and I went hunting every year and found new places to take the family. That memory and many more were spent happily floating.
Memories are all I have these days. As a child in church I was filled with fantasy of Heaven. I thought that being able to float around amongst the clouds and looking down and seeing my friends and family and how their lives progressed would be so cool. I knew better now as I strained to see anything beyond the grey nothing veil that obscured everything around me.
Floating just isn't the same when you're face down in the river.
*
April 23rd Washington, DC - The DC police pulled a body out of the Potomac River today just a few miles down river from Great Falls. Police state that while the John Doe was in the water for quite some time before police found him, the condition of the body suggested foul play. Police refuse to gives any details at this time but are checking missing person reports in the surrounding areas. If you have any details or knowledge of this crime please call Channel WJXT 5's Crimestoppers.
- VS -
Entry 2
John looked at the ground while he was walking down the street. He always looked down because that way he knew nobody would say hi to him or smile at him. He didn't want to be forced to talk to anybody, ever.As he was walking, he saw the dollar bill crumpled and dirty resting in the gutter. He walked over, bent down and gently picked up the bill. Examining it carefully, he decided it was not unusual in any way, nor more valuable than a regular dollar bill. He put it in his pocket and continued to walk.
He was no more than a block from his house when he had to pass by the Owens house. He hated the Owens' because they had these big, ugly dogs that always barked at him. He had seen hundreds of people walk by the damn house before and those dogs didn't as much as whimper, but when he walked by they went crazy with bloodlust. It was like they were possessed by demons bent on eating his soul for dinner. That's why he carried mace in his pocket. Today was no different.
As he passed by the house, the biggest ugliest Owens dog went crazy. The dog took a running charge at him and something happened that never happened before. The dog's chain snapped and the dog kept on coming. John broke into a sprint and as he did, he reached into his pocket for the mace. Pulling hysterically at everything in his pocket, he finally managed to get the mace out and turned on his attacker, spraying frantically. A bit of wind had come up, and the mace wasn't being as effective as he wanted it to be. The dog ran and leapt up into John's face, getting a snoutful of the awful mace at close range. In mid air, the dog did a 180 degree turn and landed just a hair to John's right, knocking him in the shoulder. John fell down and the dog started to whimper madly and run in circles. John quickly made it to his feet and ran the rest of the way home, cursing the Owens' and their bastard evil dog.
*
John had carried the dollar bill for exactly 5 minutes and 37 seconds. It was now resting on the ground, on top of a few pieces of paper and a couple of receipts from the video store. The wind came up and gently picked up the bill in its featherlike grasp and floated it out into the street. It sat there for a few moments until Dave Johnson came rambling by in his 1974 Barracuda. The car was supercharged and a lot of work had gone into the custom paint and the leather interior. As Dave was driving by he ran over the dollar bill, which promptly got stuck in the grooves of his Hercules tires. Dave drove over 300 miles to his girlfriend's house with that bill stuck to his tire. About 3 miles before he reached her home, the bill became dislodged from the tire by a massive pothole in the road. This pothole was on Seymour Street in the town of New Haven Connecticut. It was a windy day in New Haven and the bill launched itself up into the air off of Dave's tire, floating a good half mile in the breeze. It found a resting place somewhere in the middle of Casey Park just on the outskirts of town.
**
Randy was a crack junkie who did his business in New Haven Connecticut. He would saunter into Casey Park just about half an hour before dusk and loiter just under the Lovers Bridge. Lovers Bridge was aptly named when two young lovers decided that they couldn't go on with life because their love was tearing them apart. They both committed suicide on the bridge one night and ever since; this bridge had been dubbed Lovers Bridge.
Randy's customers knew where to find him so Randy always came ready with a good supply of vials for sale at ten dollars a pop. Randy's business would start promptly at dusk so he was just settling down for a good night when he looked down at the ground and saw a dollar bill lying on the grass next to the bridge. "Must be my lucky day" he thought as he bent down to pick up the bill. It wasn't until he stood up to pocket the bill that he saw the lights on the police car.
This wasn't the first time Randy had been arrested so he knew the drill. The police brought him over to the car and made him empty the contents of his pockets on the hood of the cruiser. He reached into his pockets and emptied everything on the hood of the car for the officer to see. Once they saw all the vials of crack they immediately handcuffed Randy and put him in the back of the police car. Randy was a three time loser. This time he was going to jail. "So much for it being my lucky day" he thought as the officer loaded him into the back of the car.
The dollar was resting on the hood of the police car along with 20 vials of crack cocaine. The officers had actually laughed to see all that crack and only one dollar. "Gee Randy, business must be great" the cops remarked through their laughter. They had busted Randy before and always took the time to ridicule him when they arrested his sorry ass. As one cop put Randy into the car, the other went over to where Randy was standing by the bridge to see if Randy had dropped anything. It was at this time that a bird swooped down and gently plucked the dollar bill off of the hood of the police cruiser and went flying up into the air.
***
Now our bird was thinking "What a nice addition to my nest this thing will be. It's nice and big and soft and it will cover the bottom of my nest nicely." He was happy and content as he flew away towards his nice, safe home.
****
Stewart Andrews was a nerd. A 10 year old nerd. He was never popular with any of the cool kids in school so he was relegated to hanging with the lowest of skels in the neighborhood. In an effort to try to make Stewart feel more like a cool kid, his father Everett brought him home a little present after work. "Geez Dad, it's so cool, can I try it now? Huh? Huh? Huh?" Everett Andrews, being a nerd himself, said "Sure, son. Go out in the backyard, and Stewart....?"
"Yes Dad?"
"Don't put your eye out with that thing."
"I won't Dad, I promise." With that, Stewart loaded up his BB gun and ran outside. Playing commando soldier, Stewart ran from tree to tree pretending to evade some phantom enemy forces. He killed dozens of the enemy and even took down a few of their helicopters with some ground to air fire.
*****
Our bird was almost home to its nest when it was hit by something small and round that hurt like hell. "Owwwww!" sang out Mr. Bird in his own language. As he cried out his song of pain he released the dollar bill and it started to drift downward in the wind, floating as if on a pillow made of soft down feathers. Drifting, drifting, drifting back and forth right on out over the highway.
******
Willie Borza, or "Big Willie" as his friends had dubbed him was just pulling his Harley 1200 softtail out onto the street on his way to his favorite strip joint in New Haven. "Dollars and Dreams" was his favorite club because Jenny worked there. Jenny was his main squeeze and all the brothers knew it. They might go to see her in the club but nobody gets a piece of Jenny's tail unless Big Willie says so.
He's late for her show so he's screaming the Harley down side streets and he really pumps it up as he gets to the highway. He's going 95 miles an hour and he's almost at his exit when "SPLAT" something hits his goggles. Big Willie always wore his German helmet with the Viking horns attached and tonight he was wearing goggles to protect his eyes against the bugs. He reaches up and pulls a dirty dollar bill off his goggles. "Right on" he thinks and shoves the dollar into the pocket of his leather coat just as he is pulling into the parking lot of "Dollars and Dreams".
He goes inside and drinks himself silly. He has a great time with all his bro's and even gets Jenny to give him a facial. He was loving it as he laid down on the floor of the stage, Jenny hovering over him. He took the dollar bill out of his coat and placed it across his nose and mouth. Jenny was grinding and dancing over him, all the while getting her most private of places closer and closer to his money. At the height of the music she squatted down and grabbed the dollar bill with her nether lips and pulled it up inside her. She let Big Willie take it out and place it roughly between her teeth. No more than 30 seconds went by and Big Willie was slamming home the meat doggy style with Jenny in the alley just behind the bar. He was extremely turned on watching her eat that dollar bill after she removed it from his face with her cooze. As he was slamming her, she started screaming "Fuck Me....Fuck Me....Fuck Me!"
And as he did, the dollar bill fell nicely out of her mouth and floated to the ground. As Willie was exiting the alley, his lust sated by Jenny's incredible expertise, he walked right over the bill and it promptly affixed itself to some gum that was on the bottom of his right boot.
He mounted his motorcycle and sped away into the night, dreaming of having sex with two women who looked just like Jenny. As he turned the corner to ride to the highway, he shifted into third gear and the dollar bill came flying off of his boot. The bill floated in the wind and landed on the edge of the curb, resting there through the night and into the next morning. Willie sped on to his fourth DWI in six months.
*******
Sally Reinhold was a very pretty little 9 year old girl who had a penchant for ice cream. The ice cream man came by every day and rang his bell right by her house. Today was no different. She came running out of the house at 3 p.m. because in about 30 seconds Mr. Softie's truck was going to come down the street. She ran to the curb and waited for his arrival. He was late. She skipped around by the curb and then something caught her eye. It was a dollar bill lying by the curb. "Oh my!" she exclaimed. "What luck!" She reached down to pick up the dollar bill and her brand new patent leather mary janes made her slip off the curb. She landed with a resounding thud on the pavement and scraped her knee. As she was getting up, through her tears, she could hear Mr. Softie's bell ringing.
********
Jimbo Dillon was an ex con. He was out on parole for dealing cocaine and he had gotten this sweet deal driving an ice cream truck. He would drive around all day, snorting coke, and feeding the little kiddies addiction to ice cream. Today was no different and as he pulled up alongside the little girl, he was thinking sweet thoughts about his next few lines.
He pulled the truck up to the curb just as the little girl was getting up off of the ground. He was thinking "Hmmmmm, she must have fallen or something". As he pulled up he could see the tears in her eyes.
"What can I getcha, honey?"
"You're late"
I know kiddo, watcha want?"
"Can I have a Nutty Buddy please Mr. Softie?"
"Sure baby, whatever you say."
Jimbo turned around and reached down into the cooler behind him to get a Nutty Buddy cone. When he turned around the little girl was ready.
"That'll be a dollar sweetheart".
The little girl reached out with her hand and handed Jimbo the dollar bill she had found by the curb. He thanked her and she skipped off back towards her house. She was happy because she felt like she got the ice cream for free.
Before Jimbo left the curb, he rolled up that dollar bill, snorted the two fat lines that he had cut for himself right before he stopped at her house, unrolled the bill and proceeded to lick all the excess cocaine off the surface of the bill. Jimbo sat back, his brain floating away in a cocaine addled haze. After a few minutes he put the dollar bill in his pocket and drove to his next stop. A little later in the year he died from Hepatitis B.
Now, dear readers, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, do me a favor. Men take out your wallets, ladies your purses. Look inside and take out all the bills you have. Look at them carefully. Consider their origins, where they have been, where they might go. Feel their texture. Look at the colors, the stains, the markings. Ask yourself where you got them. Don't lick them though.
There's a lot of money floating around out there. Some of it is in your hand right now.
Ever wonder where it came from?
Entry 1:
beer-turtle
Chronic
fell-8-me
godking
hcp28
Heimdallsman
humor_me
Ingsoc
SausageKing
Titinita
triliad
vildy
YELLOW-MAN
Yes
12 eligible votes (14 total) *
Entry 2:
Anjie
AshK
Bigmike
BLITZKREIG_BOB
Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar
Circe
coley
conrad
Death_Metal_Dude
Deisangua
DooZa
engine13
fionavar
Fleet_Marshall_Badass
griffsrgr8
Herpes
iddqd
JohnGalt
Judoka
kimmy02721
Kristen
loki
Magicaddict
Method
Mr_Insanity
mystiamoon
NerfHerder
polyamorousaj
Razor
satchel
Scott_James
SpikeGoddess
tmofw
transcendent
Trout
ugaly
volklcess
Walrus_King
WillZone
32 eligible votes (39 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-05-01 23:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Self-indulgent (Self`-in*dul"gent) (?), a.
Indulging one's appetites, desires, etc., freely.
tripe
n 1: lining of the stomach of a ruminant (especially a bovine)
used as food
2: nonsensical talk or writing [syn: folderol, rubbish, trumpery,
trash, wish-wash, applesauce, codswallop]
Oh, IIIIIIIIIII get it.
Must be why it won.
Submitted by The_Menzatron_Persuasion (user info) at 2004-05-01 15:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
#2 is fucking self indulgent tripe.
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-04-28 00:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good job to you as well Mike... You really licked... er Kicked my ass
I liked your better than my own.
-Turtle
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-04-28 00:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice job, turtle.
Submitted by fionavar (user info) at 2004-04-27 21:37:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2004-04-27 20:14:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When two posts go to war, a point is all that you can score!
#1 all the way. I thought the end was a bit awkward but it blows #2 away. I had a place like that where I went when I was little. It was so private and pristine. I should go this summer.
Ochre River is the place to be!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-04-27 19:56:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-27 16:07:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Deisangua (user info) at 2004-04-27 15:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2004-04-27 14:51:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1, hmmmmmmmm, It was well written, heartwarming and made me long for the summertime. I'm probably going to sound foolish saying this but I didn't 'get' the ending. that's why I vote for #2, well that and #2 was fucking KICK ASS.
I'm impressed !!
Submitted by writer of entry2 at 2004-04-27 14:33:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-04-27 14:19:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
Ugh. Cliche alert!!!!!!!!!!!! Both of you!
Entry 2, can you say, "Forrest Gump"? Can you say "American Beauty"? Can you say, "tons of stories my Mom read to me in First Grade"?
But Entry 1 was so poorly written that I had to go with 2 because at least the grammar didn't offend.
Spike, haha.
Maybe I am stupid but, how does what I have written have anything to do with "Forrest Gump" or "American Beauty"?
Granted, I never have viewed the movie "Forrest Gump" but I have seen "American Beauty" a couple of times and fail to see the correlation.
Your mom used to read you stories about filthy, dirty money that floats around from person to person? About crack dealers and bikers fucking strippers?
Damn, your mom is cool. :)
Spike, did you take your money out and inspect it? You never know.
Btw, writer of entry 1, nice job. When I read yours it seemed to me that alot of effort went into it. It held my interest until the end. Then I was confused.
Submitted by SpikeGoddess (user info) at 2004-04-27 14:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ugh. Cliche alert!!!!!!!!!!!! Both of you!
Entry 2, can you say, "Forrest Gump"? Can you say "American Beauty"? Can you say, "tons of stories my Mom read to me in First Grade"?
But Entry 1 was so poorly written that I had to go with 2 because at least the grammar didn't offend.
Submitted by Mr_Insanity (user info) at 2004-04-27 14:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wish I had money...
Submitted by Fleet_Marshall_Badass (user info) at 2004-04-27 12:44:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pretty cool. That is all.
Badass.
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-04-27 12:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Liked #1.... Loved #2 I pictured this as if viewing thru a video camera (American Beauty-esque)...
Great job to both!
Submitted by transcendent (user info) at 2004-04-27 12:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by godking (user info) at 2004-04-27 12:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Floating just isn't the same when you're face down in the river."
Entry 1 should have ended with this line. That would have made it even better, though its still the best I've read this round.
Entry #2 was too similar in theme to the movie "Twenty Bucks".
GK
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-04-27 12:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wasn't particularly thrilled with either one.
Submitted by volklcess (user info) at 2004-04-27 11:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I really liked the idea behind entry 1, but it ended too abruptly and didn't really tie together. I'm still trying to figure out what relevance the body floating in the river has to a tubing trip.
My vote goes to 2 for such a creative idea...and now I won't touch my money unless I'm wearing latex gloves... :-)
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-04-27 11:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-04-27 11:01:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Underdog should win here
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-04-27 10:10:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-04-27 09:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by fell-8-me (user info) at 2004-04-27 08:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 - I felt like I was there...
Submitted by Chronic (user info) at 2004-04-27 08:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by triliad (user info) at 2004-04-27 07:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Blech. Neither were enthralling, but 2 was just unreasonable.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-04-27 07:01:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2004-04-27 06:28:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-04-27 06:03:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-04-27 05:37:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by DooZa (user info) at 2004-04-27 03:56:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2004-04-27 02:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tmofw (user info) at 2004-04-27 02:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-04-27 01:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Even though it slipped from past tense to present and back to past, for no reason that I could see, it was more original - and interesting - than the other.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-04-27 00:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The general smell of money is similar to the scent of this skating rink I frequented when I was a kid...I'm going to stop sniffing it now, no matter how nostalgic it makes me. Thanks a lot.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-04-27 00:34:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2004-04-27 00:24:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by vildy (user info) at 2004-04-26 23:03:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-04-26 22:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
UBER MADNESS RULEZ!
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Both were great (+2), but '"Owwwww!" sang out Mr. Bird in his own language.' That did it for me. 2 it is.
Submitted by Author of One <ao1.at.rushed.com> at 2004-04-26 22:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was dissappointed in myself to be honest.
After I had written the beginning and ending I had forgotten that they were 2 different concepts.
I struggled and struggled to tie the together and give them meaning somehow other than reflecting on a fictional family vacation.
The end was part of a different idea I had of a guy who died and the afterlife was less than he had hoped.
I liked #2 quite a bit (more than my own) but I am my own harshest critic, and to be honest if I lose, I was beaten by a good opponent.
In other news, vehicular problems plagued my weekend and I was stuck relying on others for transportation.
I have had a bad headache all day and my shoulder is killing me.
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2004-04-26 22:37:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by griffsrgr8 (user info) at 2004-04-26 22:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-04-26 22:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One just didn't do it for me. I didn't like the ending. Well written, but a better thought out ending would have been cool
I liked 2 more because I thought about that the other day. My roommate works at a bank. He came home, sniffed his hands, made a funny face, and asked, "You ever wonder where the money you handle has been?"
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-04-26 22:30:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SausageKing (user info) at 2004-04-26 22:07:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-04-26 22:00:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's also very clear who these posters are... no offense to the author of entry #1, as you know you've been one of my favorites this tourney.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-04-26 21:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm actually stunned that this is even close. I thought entry #2 ruined entry #1, although entry #1 was passable.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-04-26 21:57:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-04-26 21:56:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Entry 2 was excellent, one of my favorites thus far in the tourney. The prose was sometimes a bit jumpy, as though the author was in a hurry to finish the story.
Entry 1 just didn't do much for me.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-04-26 21:55:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2004-04-26 21:26:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JohnGalt (user info) at 2004-04-26 21:20:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-04-26 21:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the ice cream man licked the ol' bum's ass that time!
Submitted by humor_me (user info) at 2004-04-26 20:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-04-26 20:57:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-04-26 20:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#1 started out well, but the ending didn't really work for me.
#2 started out slow and wandering, but the ending was good.
#2 it is. Not that it really counts, but I can pretend that I matter.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2004-04-26 20:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Heimdallsman (user info) at 2004-04-26 20:37:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2004-04-26 20:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What's going on? Wha -- why am I on a Japanese box?
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2004-04-26 20:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-04-26 20:16:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 by a hair, I just read "lovely bones" so #1 didn't quite do it for me. Excellent effort all around though.
Submitted by conrad (user info) at 2004-04-26 20:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really, really good, original and very involving: would have received my vote even were it not for the "Uberized" denouement of No.1
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-04-26 20:07:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2004-04-26 20:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They ruled - true to the pattern.
Submitted by Titinita (user info) at 2004-04-26 19:53:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What's going on? I thought there were only 8 people left?