Why Florida Sucks (2037 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.28 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ~JP (View user info) at 2004-04-26 23:13:42 EDT
Alright, I couldn't resist. I learned of this town because I have a friend moving there, and the whole idea struck me as absolutely absurd.
The town is privately owned. This is the first tip-off that Celebration isn't your average town. I mean seriously, who buys a city? Ignoring Haliburton, what would any company gain from directing not only the finances of a population, but the daily lives of the people as well? Advertising? Money? Glory? Power? Does it matter?
But it's not just any company that owns this town. It's not Enron--nobody wants to live in a town called "Oh Fuck." It's not Microsoft, for Bill Gates would only have been satisfied with the whole state. And it certainly isn't Quizno's--no creepy singing spongmonkeys dwell there. Nope, the blessed company who founded this town is none other than the Walt Disney Company. Yes friends, destroying movies with clichés didn't quite satisfy Disney executives, so they've created the Wonderful World of Disney. Literally.
Anybody else creeped out yet? Just wait, there's more...
What's the weatherforecastt for tomorrow in Celebration, Florida? Whatever the hell you want it to be! Now, this isn't confirmed by the Celebration website, but is information gathered from third-party sources (that will soon be living there). Since Florida is certainly not the snowiest place in the winter, the people of Celebration have discovered a way to enjoy their holidays more. Go to Denver for the week? Hell no! Bring the snow to them! Snow is actually blown into the community onappropriatee days. Well that just beats the fun of a snow day to a pulp. Can you imagine planning a snow day in advance? "Uh kids, it looks like a week from Tuesday a winter storm will be blowing in from the...uh...Gulf of Mexico and exactly 10 inches of snow will be on the ground. Lucky you. Who could have planned such a miraculous event?"
Oh, and since palm trees don't give the best autumn appearance, colorful dried leaves are also imported into the community.
I wonder what they do when there's actual weather. Lock the doors and turn out the lights? Stretch a blue tarp over the houses? Rewrite the script?
I'm just at a loss for words here. I'm not sure if it's boredom, money, or simply pure insanity that causes someone to create such a community. Life is just so artificial in such a place. It's as if the skies are painted on, the birds are on strings, and words exchanged between people are written already. There are no surprises, and when you walk down the street during the summer, "Surfin' U.S.A." plays in the background.
If only life were this deliciously naïve.
User Reviews
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-04-27 01:49:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/29767
Submitted by My_dixie_wrecked (user info) at 2004-04-27 00:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*worse of all
Submitted by My_dixie_wrecked (user info) at 2004-04-27 00:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This post should have been called "why Disney sucks". Florida kicks ass. Well... South flroida kicks ass. Weather? yea, during the summer we get storms everyday that blow in off the evergaldes. I'm talking hurricane force winds. Oh yea, hurricanes. Rememeber Andrew? we get enough refugees daily to compete with Ellis island. About 2 1/2 people south of Ft. lauderdale speak english. Not to mention aligators, water moccassins, flying cockaroachs, Sharks, and worste of all Canadian tourists.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-04-26 23:54:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think Celebration is Disney property anymore...and they weren't the first to plan a community like that, either. They just did it in a weird, over-prefect, Disney kind of way.
Check out Levittown, NY.=
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-04-26 23:45:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Disney no longer owns Celebration...
Submitted by Trishtopher (user info) at 2004-04-26 23:37:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Why live a real life when you can have everything completely planned for you?
Sponteneity? Who needs sponteneity?
Submitted by wse_jack (user info) at 2004-04-26 23:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Florida or Germany| |Germany or Florida
I agree with every word pluse some. just listen to Love line once in a while to hate florida even more.