Sex In A Canoe (6375 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 1.68 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Genko (View user info) at 2004-04-26 23:55:08 EDT
"We're taking on water!"
Those words almost ruined the mood. I say almost because I don't believe the mood was truly ruined until I realized I'd never see my Van Halen keychain ever again. It started out innocently. The weather out here has been nice lately, so my girlfriend and I pulled my canoe out of the basement and went canoeing.
The weather was beautiful. The sky was blue, the air was warm, and there was a nice breeze blowing over the lake. We were canoeing through a series of rivers that I knew to be really easy to paddle down. No sense in going overboard the first trip of the year, I thought.
We got about halfway up one of the rivers when it started. Rock walls went up the river on all three sides, and there was nobody above. There were no other canoes, either. We were alone. I was preoccupied with getting to the waterfall at the end of the river, but my girlfriend had something different in mind. All of a sudden, she stopped paddling and stuck her paddle into the side of the boat. She was sitting with her back toward me as is normal in a canoe. I couldn't see her face, but sighed anyway, figuring she wanted to take a break. Again. I leaned back and dropped my paddle into the boat too. I wasn't gonna get us to this waterfall while she sat around getting a tan.
She stood up and turned around. I didn't know whether to be suprised that she hadn't fallen in yet or worried that she was about to.
"What are you doing?" I asked as she sat down in front of me.
"Let's take a break."
I rolled my eyes. A break. Always with the damn breaks. Why didn't we just get a motorboat?
"Okay." What else could I say? She had already put away her paddle. Disagreeing would have probably just gotten me wet. Little did I know that she already was.
"It's a beautiful day out." She said.
"Yeah, great, especially for the middle of April." I replied.
"It's almost warm enough to be naked." At this point my eyebrows perked up. She had initiated some risky stuff in the past, but she couldn't swim. She wouldn't go this far.
Her hands took hold of my calves. I kissed her slowly, not knowing how far she wanted to go. It was when I started to be passive that I lost control and things went to shit. Somehow I ended up in the canoe, with her grinding on top of me as the current took us down the river.
It's hard to have an orgasm when you're worried about keeping your centre of gravity in the middle of the canoe so that you don't capsize. Evidently too hard.
A while later, after an hour or so of aqua-coital fury, She got tired. She couldn't lay down in the canoe, so in all her wisdom, she leaned on one of sides. Instantly, we filled up about halfway with water.
"We're taking on water!" She screamed. I remained calm.
"Don't move." I said. "We need to move to opposite ends. Get off me and go towards my feet."
"But my clothes are by your head."
"You can't swim, so my canoe is more important that your clothes."
Point of advice: when you're in a sinking canoe with a naked woman, do not remind her that she cannot swim, it will only cause problems. She freaked out and started shaking, sinking the canoe. Evidently, fiberglass doesn't float.
I ended up recovering one paddle, my wallet, most of our clothes. My car keys and my canoe are still at the bottom of a lake. Last time I ever have sex in a canoe.
User Reviews
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2006-10-09 01:54:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i like this story, its nice
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-09 00:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-10-09 00:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-08 21:53:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant reviews.
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Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-08 21:53:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Not sure how this post didnt get any more hits with a title like this.
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I posted it back in the good old days when nobody payed attention to hit-whoring noobs.
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-08 21:59:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fag below
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-08 21:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant reviews.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-08 21:53:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not sure how this post didnt get any more hits with a title like this.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-08 21:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LOLOLOLOLOL
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-08 21:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahaha
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2006-10-08 21:03:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment Needed
Submitted by Ally788 (user info) at 2006-10-08 20:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My favorite.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-05-04 18:15:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hello?
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-04-30 20:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
by the way, i have questions
http://www.ubersite.com/m/31662#509236
Submitted by dumass <yourshit.at.riverbed.com> at 2004-04-30 04:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Damn that canoe is one sweet piece of ass
nice work stupid skank girlfriend
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-04-29 21:56:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey dumbass, don't run into anymore 18-wheelers, mmkay?
by the way, good post.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-04-28 18:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha....
Yes.
Submitted by YouTalkinToMe (user info) at 2004-04-28 13:26:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-04-27 16:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"I ended up recovering one paddle, my wallet, most of our clothes."
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so you let her drown for tipping your canoe? sweet.
Submitted by GreenRiver (user info) at 2004-04-27 16:27:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jillybean (user info) at 2004-04-27 03:35:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
And I thought this was going to be the joke from Monty Python at the Hollywood Bowl... *sigh*
oh well.
Too bad about the canoe.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-04-27 03:03:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well I guess in a way you blew it.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-04-27 01:26:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-04-27 00:35:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
har indeed, damnit.
Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2004-04-26 23:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hardy har har!