Vegan diabetic hypocrite (1077 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Some of my best work
Rating: 1.79 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fat Tony <XGypsy.at.aemail4u.com> (View user info) at 2004-04-27 11:44:48 EDT
I have a friend who is a hard core vegan. Not a friend, a person I know by association. I hate him,
he thinks he can save my life. Vegans are more persistant then Mormans, they always try to get you
to taste this tofu, you'll swear it's meat! He's very slender almost Ghandi like. He claims to be
healthy, but to look at him he looks like Sally Struthers needs to do a infomercial for his
malnutrition ass.
He constantly tries to get me to see his way. I can loose the weight, I can be healthy, I can live
longer, I can fuck like a world champion, etc. I explain to him that I love Reeboks, I love my
89 Mercedes, I love all things leather and animal flesh. He goes on that I can still wear leather.
Wow, thank you God. He explains that he cannot eat, wear, or use anything that has to do with
animals because he loves all living things not just human. Plants are alive! He said nothing.
For some strange reason he became a diabetic. I thought only fat people were diabetics, but I guess
I was wrong. Then I remember going to the drug store for my grandma a few dozen times to get her
insulin. It was PORK INSULIN! Next time I seen him and he tried to "convert me" I simply mentioned
his medication that came from the pankreius of a pig, PORK INSULIN!
But... I need it to live
No you don't, you can take other drugs
But they make you feel horrible
So, pork insulin makes you feel better? Dude, I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry and yes it makes me feel much better then the other medications.
Bacon makes me feel good! Filet Mignon makes me horney! Vennison makes me extatic! Leather feels gud!
Look! This isn't a prefrence OK! It's a medical necessity!
So, now you agree with animal testing? You can use Paul Mitchell shampoo now?
No I don't agree with animal testing and I will not use anything tested on animals!
Except PORK INSULIN, right? Can't use shampoo tested on Mrs. Piggy, but we can milk her pankrius.
Fuck you Tony!
Come eat a burger with me. Dead animals are saving your life, might as well eat their flesh.
Fuck you Tony!
Will you at least wear leather now? They're saving your life, might as well keep your bod warm!
Fuck you Tony! (starts to laugh)
Ahhh. My work is done. I'll have you eating meat in about a month or so. You'll be trading in that Ford Escort with velour interior for a Benz with Calf Skin interior in no time.
Is he a hypocrite?
User Reviews
Submitted by Freight_Train (user info) at 2005-01-19 13:32:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hypocrite
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-04-28 15:49:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You misspelled 'nazi.'
Submitted by FatTony (user info) at 2004-04-27 23:22:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I fucking HATE spelling nazzis.
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-04-27 16:49:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"pankreius"
That is the most hilarious misspelling I've ever seen in the entirety of my life. That's awesome.
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-04-27 16:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Save a plant, Eat a Cow, I want meat, I want it now, I'm gonna eat it cause it's red, I'm gonna eat it cause it's dead, Maybe I should eat it raw, Let the blood run down my jaw, I'd eat people if it was legal, I'd eat people is it was legal!!"
-Reel Big Fish
Submitted by ktcschick (user info) at 2004-04-27 16:08:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny stuff....
perhaps consider spell check? Just a thought...
smiles
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-04-27 15:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what domenad said.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-04-27 13:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-04-27 11:50:24 (#)
Ranking: 1
if he is that hard core, has alternative meds available, and STILL uses the pig pancreas product?
hell yes he's a hypocrite.
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I agree
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-04-27 12:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fat Tony doesn't cut anyone slack, not even crippled midgets.
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-04-27 12:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn funny.
Submitted by KingFuzion (user info) at 2004-04-27 12:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't use shampoo tested on Mrs. Piggy, but we can milk her pankrius.
Fuck you Tony!
HAHA
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-04-27 12:26:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Plants are alive! He said nothing"
woohoo!!!
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-04-27 12:21:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha. Blatant hypocricy. I'm lovin' it.
Submitted by antiLemming (user info) at 2004-04-27 12:17:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What a dick.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2004-04-27 12:16:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pankreius? Jesus Christ.
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-04-27 12:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think you can just wake up one day and realise you're a vampire, like Anne Rice rewriting Kafka. Historically, theres a bit of a process to it.
Submitted by Fulcrum (user info) at 2004-04-27 12:08:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cut the dude some fucking slack if his medical situation won't let him adhere to his moral standards.
From our perspective as non-cannibal(I hope) meat eaters, it'd be the same as to wake up one day and find yourself a vampire.
+2 Funny as hell though.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-04-27 12:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-04-27 11:56:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Made me laugh...nice explanation.
But aren't we all hypocrites about something?
Submitted by Quartermain (user info) at 2004-04-27 11:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got a condescending mini-lecture from a vegan the other day about how disgustingly bad meat was for you....while she was smoking.
P.s. It's a 'pancreas.'
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-04-27 11:51:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice
Submitted by TripinDayZ420 (user info) at 2004-04-27 11:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
if he is that hard core, has alternative meds available, and STILL uses the pig pancreas product?
hell yes he's a hypocrite.