How to Impress at Parties. (685 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.67 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by cat_head (View user info) at 2004-04-27 13:16:29 EDT
A few years back when I was a student, I was at a house party where I only knew a couple of people. As is usually the way with these things, people tend to stick in little groups of existing friends and you don't really get to know that many new people. I usually do the same, but this time I decided to make an effort to mingle, and wandered round the room introducing myself to people. I started off with some of the smaller groups as it was less of a big deal for two or three people to have to introduce themselves, and then as my confidence grew I talked to people in the other groups, and before long I had met pretty much everyone in the room. I managed to amuse some of them (I hope!) with stories about bad jobs I've had, unusual pets I've kept etc. It was going pretty well.
They were mostly fairly dull rich kids, but there were a few interesting people in there. I went outside and made a call.
Towards the end of the party - it was like 6am but many were still going strong thanks to a few batches of acid, speed and ecstasy that had been circulating - people began to leave, and I began to suggest we continue the party at my house. I deliberately concentrated on persuading particular individuals to come. I was going full throttle on the charm and ended up with quite a few of my targets agreeing.
I left with a bunch of them, and gave the address to the rest. We headed out into the night. It was rainy but warm, and with the ecstasy and speed I was on, everything felt kind of spongy and calm. The ringing in my ears added to the feeling of being slightly coccooned off from the rest of the world. We got to my house and went in. I pretended not to be able to find my keys and pressed the bell, saying that my friend "John" would be in, knowing that the door would be answered by The Beast. The door did indeed crack open, and I stifled a laugh when I heard The Beast attempt a normal voice. "Oh, come in - I was just in the shower" he squeaked, and then bolted down the hall and up the stairs, leaving me to show my guests in.
They filed in, filling the sofas and chairs but politely leaving one free for me while I fixed some drinks. I had a crate of beer in the fridge and I brought the whole thing in and dumped it on the table, much to the delight of my guests. As we sat and chatted, the remaining people turned up and I let them in, then triple bolted the front door. I knew that The Beast would hear this and take it as a sign to go to a state of readiness, and wait for me to kick things off.
I was in fact ready to do so, but I patiently waited until the perfect moment. One of my guests - a tall, elegant chap with a pleasant Scottish accent and a likeable sense of humour - asked me if we were making too much noise, considering my friend "John" was in bed. "Oh, don't worry about him", I said.
"HE FUCKING LOVES IT!!!!!" I bellowed, and The Beast came crashing through the door to the stairs. I savoured the gasps and the pure shock and horror on their faces as they took in the image of The Beast. Oh how I love that part! If only I could watch each of them individually so as not to miss a thing. The Beast waited for a fraction of a second, and I knew he would be enjoying it as much as I, and as soon as panic set in and people began to recover the use of their limbs and begin scrabbling, he let out a mighty roar that pinned my guests to their seats. Now was the time for me to begin doing what I do best.
I reached behind the sofa and pulled out a Samurai sword. I could feel the energy begin to rise in me. I casually flicked the sword out towards the face of a tubby young girl wearing combats and with glow paint in her hair - one of those "quirky" types. I cut her face and an arm, but it wasn't a very convincing effort. But it was really a way for me to begin escalating the violence within myself, the violence that was on its way as sure as night follows day. As I heard her stupid panicky scream I felt a twinge of fury and directed a powerful strike towards one of her legs. The sword went nearly all the way through, and I drew it back again and began hacking at her flailing limbs. I cut her up good, man!
A guy she was with attempted to rush me and I totally skewered him right through the fucking guts like I was Yoshimitsu out of Tekken 3. He went down and started making a heck of a racket. I dropped to my knees and screamed my heart out into his face. I stopped to look him in the eyes, laughed, then I sank my teeth into his cheek and began to pull. It was harder than I thought so I began to scream and roar as I pulled. I was beginning to revel in the violence, and could feel myself on the verge of that blissful hysteria. With a final yank I ripped a large section of the guy's face off and shouted out to The Beast. "Yo Beast, check it out!", and he looked round to see me throw the face part at the wall where it made a dull smack and stuck there for a second or two. He was viciously bludgeoning a fat, quiet lad to death with his fists and seemed to be having a whale of a time. He came over towards me, catching a girl with an impressively meaty right hook to the face as he did so, probably killing her instantly, and we high-fived.
On and on we massacred, the pace picking up the whole time, and soon there was a final swish and chop from my sword and the frenzy came to an abrupt end. After the echoes of our roars died away it seemed very quiet. It reminded me of the feeling I had had after leaving the first party earlier, only more so.
The Beast and I cracked open a couple of coldies and did our song.
Kill them! Kill them all!
Until none remain!
Kill them. Kill them all!
And then we do it again!
I cried a bit, then went to bed.
User Reviews
Submitted by BonesForBucks (user info) at 2004-09-09 04:13:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarious. I love your work.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-05-04 11:30:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehehehe. Cool.
Submitted by GassyGirl72 (user info) at 2004-04-27 13:55:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poor little tubby girl with the yellow hair paint, I can just see the terror on her face!!!
Submitted by jwlmar10 (user info) at 2004-04-27 13:41:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought this could have been much better.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-04-27 13:37:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was a great piece of...fiction?
Nice structure, well developed characters, especially the quiet fat kid. He was my fav.
Submitted by vergedor (user info) at 2004-04-27 13:32:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a double-genre post like the movie "From dusk till dawn".
Great stuff.