Trolling For Tuna or Why You Think He Can't Muff Dive (2150 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1.6 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Cunning Vision (View user info) at 2004-04-28 00:52:35 EDT
I love to eat pussy. Oh man, I think I'm the best. I get the women squirming, moaning, yelling, "No, no! Yes, yes, YES!" And I believe I the woman enjoy my cunnilingual skills due to the fact that, as I stated at the beginning, I LOVE to eat pussy. The joy of the carpet muncher is passed along to the munchee.
Now, I love going down so much that I've been able to get past the bad smells and unusual appearances of some women's holiest of holes. The experience is still pleasurable for both parties, but not to the extreme extent of some of the sexual encounters in which I've had the pleasure of taking part. I could only imagine the sense anxiety and disgust some men must feel when "forced" to get lip to labia with their sex partner and they see the dew drops of woman juice beading up at the end of the hairs that make up her circa 1975 bush.
(A pause to shudder)
Women, let me put it to you straight. I'll give you that some, SOME, men are untalented and uninitiated when it comes to oral sex. They probably only use their tongues to lick their fingers after a chicken wing binge or they only waggle it at the t.v. screen as Jenna Jameson rides a bowling pin. But I'm betting that most of the time your man (or that guy that you picked up at Ladies Night at Pat O'Brian's) is unwillingly doing 2" cooter laps because you don't take care of the goods. Then you blame him for not knowing what the fuck he's doing.
Clean your vagina! Wash it, softly, with soap and water. Maybe dab a bit of perfume inside your thighs before you go out for the night. Use Listerine. Rent another one! Do something because blaming men is not going to fix this problem of unsatisfying oral olympics. Use your two-finger dipstick and check your lubrication. Please.
And here's one little piece of advice for the fellahs: Eat that pussy great just once. Make her scream in ecstacy so loud that Man-O-War calls you and asks you turn down the decible level. Then, don't do her like that again for a while. She'll want you to get her off with a tongue tickle so bad that maybe, just maybe, she'll do some vaginal maintenance without you having to ask. If you ask, you may not see that tuna taco for a long, long time. Be careful.
This has some good stuff for the guys: http://www.cunnilingustutor.com/
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-06-13 07:49:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe
Submitted by cellar_door (user info) at 2004-04-28 19:31:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Girls usually don't like the muff diving because they are already self-concious about the smell factor. Way to ruin it even more. But seriously, they should make sure to clean the "cooter."
Submitted by CunningVision (user info) at 2004-04-28 15:31:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ees o.k. holmes.
Submitted by esso_merda (user info) at 2004-04-28 15:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very sorry.
Submitted by esso_merda (user info) at 2004-04-28 15:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, forgot to rate.
Submitted by esso_merda (user info) at 2004-04-28 15:20:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes! True, true, true.
Submitted by CunningVision (user info) at 2004-04-28 09:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good point, Jester.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-04-28 05:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There are precious few who enjoy supping from the furry cup... And i'm glad. More women are have bad experiences with those who don't, which makes even the most rudimentary routines by those who love it seem like Cloud 9.
Oh the joy...
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-04-28 01:23:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Make her scream in ecstacy so loud that Man-O-War calls you and asks you turn down the decible level."
hahahahahahaha
Submitted by antiLemming (user info) at 2004-04-28 01:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Had to be eating didn't I?
Submitted by Tummy (user info) at 2004-04-28 01:04:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
nice very nice
Submitted by SPE (user info) at 2004-04-28 00:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah
Submitted by SPE (user info) at 2004-04-28 00:58:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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